(Closed) Small ceremony

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee

 

@flagtwirler1:  You have used “ceremony” interchangeably with “reception” so I am a bit confused. Are you planning to have both in your garden? Or the ceremony at church and the reception in your garden?

What you need to keep in mind is:

1) Your garden size is fixed: how could you fit more people for the ceremony than for the reception?

2) You cannot politely invite guests to part of an event. You can have separate events in honour of the same thing, even on the same day, with different guestlists; but they must be separate. Usually that means in different locations and at different tImes.

3) Churches, courthouses, and other loci designated by the state for conducting legal ceremonies, are typically open to the public. That means people have a right to attend ceremonies held in such places, even if you cannot invite them to your home afterward. If they express interest in attending or you know them well enough to know that would want to attend the ceremony, you may certainly let them know when and where the ceremony will take place.

A lot of people will call what you are contemplating, “a tiered wedding” and say it is categorically rude. In fact, it is quitetraditional. When someone receives a notice regarding the ceremony only, they need not “RSVP” and they should consider themselves notified that a present would be inappropriate. You should greet everyoneh who came, immediately after the ceremony, and if it is at all possible you should offer light refreshments: say, tea or coffee and a slice of cake. Then you return to your home to greet your dinner guests for your “wedding breakfast” — which is what your first meal as a married couple is traditionally called. Having an intimate wedding breakfast at your own home is in excellent taste. Not many Brides are fortunate enough to have their prop adequate property to celebrate that way, hence the huge venue-rental sector of The Wedding Industry. Fifty or a hundred years ago though, this was how all upper- and middle-class weddings were done.

Post # 4
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I assume what the OP means is that she wants to have a small private ceremony in the backyard, then a larger reception elsewhere, although this isn’t totally clear from the post. And yes, doing that is fine.

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