(Closed) Small daytime wishes, save the dates 80 guests. Poll + question

posted 6 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What would you do?

    Get married with all guests as planned & as per the save the dates

    Get married with fewer guests earlier & invite everyone else formally to the evening

    Run away to Italy and have a big barn dance when we return (potentially could be cheaper?)

    Other - please share thoughts, ideas etc in comments

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    ellipticalorbit:  I’ll be interested to see what the UK bees have to say, but I know that in the US, unless you were actually cancelling your wedding either to elope or to create an entirely new event that was pretty much immediate family only, it would be considered a fairly grave breach of etiquette to not send invitations to people who had received Save The Dates since they might have asked for time off, started to make travel plans, etc. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    3031 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

    Once those save the dates go out, i think you need to commit to the plan – as you’ve esentially invited them already.  Since we can’t go back in time and un-send them… i think you need to stick to your guns.  80 isn’t that much bigger than 30 and if it is a “destination” for most people – they won’t all come.  Even if you invite 80, you might only end up with 60. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    976 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    I agree with PPs that it’s too late to uninvite people now. But it’s also true that not everyone who’s invited will actually come, especially with travel involved. Are all of your 80 guests real people, or are some of them courtesy +1s (I mean, general +1s given out to people who don’t have name-able significant others)? I was really worried about our numbers, but it turned out that literally no one who was not actually in a relationship took advantage of their +1, so that eliminated about 10 theoretical guests right off the bat, from an initial guest list of about 90.

    As for rationalizing the huge expense, I found it more helpful to look at the value of individual expenses and decide whether each thing was worth it. So in our case, we ended up spending a lot of money on photography, because that’s really not for one day. With guests, the question isn’t whether you want to spend a huge amount of money on food overall, but whether it’s worth spending $150 (or whatever) on each individual friend, to have them with you for a once-in-a-lifetime occasion.

    We spent more than we initially intended, but I don’t regret the spending because every expense was there for a reason. We left out things that we didn’t care about (videographer, live band/DJ, limousine) and spent money on things that we did care about, including the people who mattered most to us.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9260 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    ellipticalorbit:  Since your STDs say “Join us… at noon…” anyone who received an STD should be invited to the full day. Even if it didn’t specify, since STD stands for “Save the Date” it’s reasonable for people to assume that means the full day. But especially when it does specify, it would be hurtful and inconsiderate to change them to evening-only guests. Best wishes — it sounds beautiful!

    Post # 9
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Elope! Eloping is pretty much the only way to uninvite people (uninvite everyyyyone) send out we’ve eloped! Cards to all the std recipients. Done! ?..but it sounds like you would miss having your loved ones there to celebrant with you. 

    Maybe theres some where else you can cut back on the budget?

    Post # 11
    Member
    9519 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    You sound similar to us. Although instead of Italy I wanted a drivethru elvis wedding in Vegas. You idea has a bit more class to it. FWIW- we budgeted for the same amount of people as you at about the same budget, but american dollars. Luckily we are only at 50 instead of 80. Dropped the price down just enough to include a honeymoon. You will get some declines, it’s a blessing. It isn’t as daunting as it seems. 

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