Post # 1
Hi bees! We have talked about each taking a friend or two each and going to Vegas for our ceremony. I am definitely up for this type of wedding, but would love to have my parents there also. It sounds like they are interested in going if we want them there, but I asked Fiance if he would want his parents to go and he said no. I mentioned to him the only downside of Vegas is if we do it without our parents there and he just kind of shrugged like he really doesn’t get it (a guy thing?)
How would you approach this topic to make sure your ceremony includes those that are important without making Fiance feel like I am stepping on his toes? I am so used to us agreeing on everything, this is kind of weird!
Post # 3
hi, we havent had our Destination Wedding yet. Have you asked Fiance why he wouldn’t want his parents there?
Post # 4
I would just talk to him and ask him about it. Shrugging shoulders isn’t really a clear answer, so I would try to get him to communicate a little more clearly to get his feelings on it.
My Fiance and I went through this too. He didn’t care if it was just going to be the two of us, and I wanted some guests to attend.
Post # 5
And to answer your question about if parents attended…..we have not had our Destination Wedding yet either. Our mom’s are coming, but that is it. We have about 20 guests attending.
Post # 6
We are having a small Destination Wedding in St Thomas in Oct about 16 people or so and our parents will be there. Personally I can’t imagine doing it w/o them there.
It sounds like it’s very important to you! I would tell him that having your parents there is important and I am sure he will understand that! Good luck….keep us posted!
Post # 7
“I am so used to us agreeing on everything, this is kind of weird!”
Aw welcome to coupledom! I hope your expectations aren’t that you’ll always agree on everything from here on out. Dr. John Gottman says 90% of conflict in marriage goes unresolved (meaning you won’t agree). It’s all in how you deal with the conflict that will ensure a long happy marriage! So yes, your Fiance might want to elaborate a little more on why he feels that otherwise you don’t really know what to say from there.
I hope you can start a conversation with him, so how would I approach it? I would ask him when is a good time to talk about wedding stuff (usually my Fiance wasn’t too receptive if I started talking about it as soon as we came home from work), then just bring it up. Express what is important to you, what would make you happiest, if he’d feel weird if you had guests and he didn’t?
My Destination Wedding in Jackson Hole did have FI’s parents and my mom. My dad has cancer and wouldn’t be up for travelling (although if he did have a good 24 hours the venue was 3 miles from an airport). However that was cancelled due to my father’s health which is declining.
Now we plan to elope. We may only invite 2 guests – FI’s parents. They have been to the area last summer, they already have their passports, and they don’t have anything big issues that are holding them back (illnesses, new babies, job losses with my family).
Post # 8
Hi everyone! Thank you all for your input, I think half the stress is gone just having people to talk to that aren’t tired of hearing about weddings 🙂
@traveller: I guess it isn’t actually that he doesn’t want them there. Asked him about it and he said would be hard for them to take the time off from work. They just traveled out to see their oldest son and new grandbaby in CA and used up their time for awhile. We all live in NY so Vegas is quite a trip. As for my family- stepmom tends to make some things difficult and my mother has her moments. He may be slightly nervous that they would start the drama on our trip and dampen the mood a little instead of making our time enjoyable (which I have to admit I agree with completely)
@weddingbound: I think I was second guessing myself- would I regret just doing the ceremony without family there? But really..our 10 yr anniversary together is next year and I feel like I am just so caught up in everyone elses wedding views I forgot to focus on us!
@sienna76: No, I do not plan to agree on everything forever 😉 Lol we are going to be house hunting in a few months and I can already see that being an interesting challenge/adventure! I talked to Fiance as well as my mom and dad&stepmom and everyone is supportive of us, no matter what I do. I don’t know why, but after having these conversations with them, I feel like I am ready to go ahead with Vegas planning. Idk if it is because I am the only daughter and the oldest that I felt that pressure to do the traditional set up for my parents?
Everyone here gave me the boost I needed to talk to Fiance and family so I could figure this out. I feel like a weight was lifted just having those conversations!
Post # 9
We had a small Destination Wedding and only my sister and DH’s sister were invited. A. because I don’t have a good relationship with my parents and B. DH’s parents wouldn’t have wanted to travel that far. With that said I understand where your FH is coming from. The fact that it was just us and our sisters (we are both extremely close to our sisters) made it such a relaxed special experience I do not regret the decision to not have anyone else there. If you want your parents at the wedding then go ahead have them come but if he doesn’t then respect his decision.