(Closed) Small Intimate Wedding vs. Large Traditional Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: Would you prefer a 3-day destination wedding with a cost or a traditional church/reception?

    Three day weekend getaway that costs $200-$400/couple

    One day event with no cost for travel/hotel

  • Post # 3
    1602 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @GonnaBeAFind:  I would go tour a few of these places. Just with an open mind. Take him with you can talk while you are driving. Try to get him to at least hear your train of thought.

    Post # 4
    137 posts
    Blushing bee

    I really think that destination weddings or any kind of wedding where you need to travel AND pay to stay somewhere for a night or two are imposing on your guests.  I mean, not only do they have to spend the money, but they potentially have to take time off work too (factor in travel time!), and as a fellow Canadian, I know that our vacations are paltry (unlike in many parts of Europe, where 4 weeks/year is standard even for entry-level jobs).

    Never assume that people can afford things – you never know what all their life expenses are or if there’s something they’re trying to put money away for.  Besides, even if people can afford to do something, doesn’t mean they would want to spend their money that way.

    Also – worst case scenario – what if some of your family/friends end up not getting along?  Or what if, after a day or so, some people just get all “peopled out” and want to go home back to their quiet lives?  I think what your SO is saying is fair. 

    Post # 5
    9129 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @GonnaBeAFind:  Speak to the important family members and friends you would be asking to do this 3 day weekend to see what they think before planning it out.  I would be miffed if I were expected to spend that kind of money and honestly, since I am currently saving for my own wedding and honeymoon I would be even more unlikely to spend a couple hundred to attend someone else’s wedding weekend.

    Post # 6
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    We had a semi-destination wedding where almost everybody had to travel (most by bus or car for 3 hours, but some by plane) and almost everybody had to pay for at least one night in a hotel. Nobody didn’t come because of finances. Many people didn’t give us gifts because they couldn’t afford it after travel, which we understood. Many people carpooled or took the $20 bolt bus down and shared hotel rooms to make them cheaper (after the hotel’s special wedding block rate, if 4 people shared a standard room it was only like $30/night). We helped pay for one or two people who couldn’t afford flights but we really wanted there, so we helped. I don’t know…we had about 80 people make it (we invited about 100 so it was the typical rate of return on wedding invites, and the people who couldn’t make it were mostly international who couldn’t get days off since they have different holiday schedules). 

    Also if your venue is only an hour away, people don’t HAVE to pay to sleep over. You can so drive home an hour after an event, I do it all the time (I live about an hour away from most of my family and friends). In fact, my aunt and uncle took a 3 hour train home the night of my wedding because they had something in the morning, totally doable…If staying the weekend is optional and not required, I see NO problem in doing that if that’s what you want. If all you want is family and close friends, they’ll find a way to make it. I would never not attend a wedding of a close friend just because of an hour drive and a couple hundred bucks. Now if it was over $1,000/person for a true destination wedding, it would depend on my finances…

    Post # 7
    11265 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @GonnaBeAFind:  it may be a financial strain on some guests but because it’s all weekend, you are forgetting about the time commitment for some people.

    sometimes requesting that much of your guests’ time is more demanding than the financial portion.

    Post # 9
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I’ve always been for small and intimate, but knowing me and SO’s parents-its going to end up being a large and traditional ordeal. However, I always think its wise to consider the location of residence of the majority of your guests, and kinda gauge where they are financially. For some people, 200-400 dollars is quite a bit of money, not counting meals, gas, and then theyll likely be bringing you gifts as well. It would be nice if people didnt feel a financial strain to attend. So I’d base my decision on what the guest list looks like and the majority of your guests’ situation (where do they live? how far to travel? Do you think itd be a financial strain for them-hard to determine but you could maybe guess?).

    Post # 10
    11265 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    View original reply
    @GonnaBeAFind:  i had an intimate wedding and there are more options than you realize.  think about all of the board rooms that hotels and convention centres have that host business meetings.  some of those rooms are perfect for a small wedding.  they won’t be the big huge ball room but they will be a comfortable size.

    when initially contacting a hotel for potential space, use the word “function” for 50 people instead of “wedding”.  they will not just focus on the main ballrooms and will be more open minded for accommodations.

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