(Closed) small monetary gift?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Maybe she was excited about your engagement and couldn’t afford to give more?  I’m not sure why a $30 gift is any different than a $3000 gift.. you treat them the same.  You say “thank you”, send a nice note, and accept graciously.

Post # 4
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why would his grandmother be contributing to the wedding? I think it’s just a here you go, congrats, go do whatever you want with this.

Post # 5
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@KindergartenMdear:  Perception is reality. It may be a small amount to you, but perhaps she is on a fixed income like many elderly folks are. She may feel that she is being very generous. I didn’t know that people gave engagement gifts at all, so I would have been happy to receive anything 🙂

Post # 6
Member
8469 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

$30 to old people probably seems like a lot of money.  I know my grandmother (who is in her 90s) thinks that $20 can buy two people dinner at a nice restaurant.

 

Post # 7
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@housebee:  I have to agree. $30 is a lot of money to some people, especially seniors on a fixed income.  Say thank you and move on. We got a few $25 gifts for our engagement and I was very grateful for them.

Post # 8
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

The intent is to give you a little gift becuase she’s excited for you.  I’m not sure why you’re thinking it would be a contribution to the wedding itself, grandparents don’t usually pay for any part of the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Seems to me like it is supposed to be an engagement gift.  Instead of buying you a tangible gift, she just wrote you a check.  And $30 for an engagement gift doesn’t seem small to me.

Post # 10
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s probably just a “congrats on the engagement, treat yourselves to dinner” kind of thing. We got a card from FI’s grandma after we got engaged and then she started giving FMIL crystal pieces to pass on to us (but we put a stop to that right quick).

Post # 11
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KindergartenMdear:  I think it was probably meant to help in whatever way you and FI see fit.  You never know what someone’s financial situation is, so try not to read too much into it.  You will likely receive gifts at a wide variety of pricepoints when your shower (if you’re having one) and wedding roll around.

Post # 12
Member
8474 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I got a card and $25.00 from my best friend and a couple of hundred from my mom when I got engaged, and I put it toward something wedding related. 

Every bit counts.

Post # 13
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

[comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 14
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@KindergartenMdear:  Wow, you sound really ungrateful.  Who cares what the intent was?  Your FI’s grandmother, who owes you nothing, very sweetly and thoughtfully sent you a card and a gift and both the gesture and the gift should be appreciated. 

I suspect the intent was to merely congratulate you on your engagement – not to pay for the open bar. 

Sheesh.

Post # 15
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Be grateful for the $30 and send a nice thank you card. I don’t think it matters if it’s a wedding check or an engagement check or just a ‘Go buy lunch’ check. She’ll give what she can afford and what she wants to give. 

Honestly, I’d give anything for my grandmother to come to my wedding. She won’t even be attending. 🙁

Post # 16
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think she really much has a preference on what you do with her $30. Otherwise, she would have written in the card “use this to start your wedding fund” or “enjoy a night out on me.”  Do with it whatever you want, and don’t try to put a context around the money because whenever you start trying to figure out what someone meant, you risk guessing wrong and getting your feelings hurt for no reason.

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