Post # 1
this may be something obvious, but since I’m clearly very new to anything wedding/engagement related, bear with me!
FMIL stopped by yesterday to drop off a bag of some items she found that belong to FI, I guess, and in the bag there was an envelope addressed to us. It wasn’t sealed, just had the flap tucked in. Inside was a card from FI’s grandmother, congratulating us on our recent engagement, and a check for $30. Obviously I’m grateful, and will be sending GMIL (is that even a term, lol?) a thank you card, but FI and were sort of confused by the small monetary gift. Do you think that was probably meant to go toward our wedding? $30 seems to be quite a small amount, in the grand scheme of wedding costs. Or do you think it was probably more like, “congrats on your engagement, go treat yourselves to dinner”?
Again, I wasn’t expecting anything, and am not looking for more or anything, just a bit confused on what the possible intent of it would be.
FI decided to put the check into a separate savings account we’re starting to save for the wedding. We figured every bit helps, right?
Post # 3
Maybe she was excited about your engagement and couldn’t afford to give more? I’m not sure why a $30 gift is any different than a $3000 gift.. you treat them the same. You say “thank you”, send a nice note, and accept graciously.
Post # 4
Why would his grandmother be contributing to the wedding? I think it’s just a here you go, congrats, go do whatever you want with this.
Post # 5
@KindergartenMdear: Perception is reality. It may be a small amount to you, but perhaps she is on a fixed income like many elderly folks are. She may feel that she is being very generous. I didn’t know that people gave engagement gifts at all, so I would have been happy to receive anything 🙂
Post # 6
$30 to old people probably seems like a lot of money. I know my grandmother (who is in her 90s) thinks that $20 can buy two people dinner at a nice restaurant.
Post # 7
@housebee: I have to agree. $30 is a lot of money to some people, especially seniors on a fixed income. Say thank you and move on. We got a few $25 gifts for our engagement and I was very grateful for them.
Post # 8
The intent is to give you a little gift becuase she’s excited for you. I’m not sure why you’re thinking it would be a contribution to the wedding itself, grandparents don’t usually pay for any part of the wedding.
Post # 9
Seems to me like it is supposed to be an engagement gift. Instead of buying you a tangible gift, she just wrote you a check. And $30 for an engagement gift doesn’t seem small to me.
Post # 10
I think it’s probably just a “congrats on the engagement, treat yourselves to dinner” kind of thing. We got a card from FI’s grandma after we got engaged and then she started giving FMIL crystal pieces to pass on to us (but we put a stop to that right quick).
Post # 11
@KindergartenMdear: I think it was probably meant to help in whatever way you and FI see fit. You never know what someone’s financial situation is, so try not to read too much into it. You will likely receive gifts at a wide variety of pricepoints when your shower (if you’re having one) and wedding roll around.
Post # 12
I got a card and $25.00 from my best friend and a couple of hundred from my mom when I got engaged, and I put it toward something wedding related.
Every bit counts.
Post # 13
[comment moderated for trolling]
Post # 14
@KindergartenMdear: Wow, you sound really ungrateful. Who cares what the intent was? Your FI’s grandmother, who owes you nothing, very sweetly and thoughtfully sent you a card and a gift and both the gesture and the gift should be appreciated.
I suspect the intent was to merely congratulate you on your engagement – not to pay for the open bar.
Post # 15
Be grateful for the $30 and send a nice thank you card. I don’t think it matters if it’s a wedding check or an engagement check or just a ‘Go buy lunch’ check. She’ll give what she can afford and what she wants to give.
Honestly, I’d give anything for my grandmother to come to my wedding. She won’t even be attending. 🙁
Post # 16
I don’t think she really much has a preference on what you do with her $30. Otherwise, she would have written in the card “use this to start your wedding fund” or “enjoy a night out on me.” Do with it whatever you want, and don’t try to put a context around the money because whenever you start trying to figure out what someone meant, you risk guessing wrong and getting your feelings hurt for no reason.