Small registry for second baby: what's your opinion?

posted 6 months ago in Babies
Post # 46
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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Daisy_Mae :  then why are showers for subsequent children so taboo then? No one said you have to go and spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on expensive baby items such as furniture, strollers, etc. But women are even iffy about having second showers or sprinkles as it is because they’re afraid of being judged. Celebrate does not necessarily mean gifts only, but it’s certainly part of it, like “celebrating” a birthday. Also a firm believer that it is still a transition going from one child, to two. Sure, you’re more experienced and prepared and in no way should family and friends feel obligated to buy expensive gifts, but I don’t see anything irrational about a registry, shower, sprinkle, etc. 

If you don’t wish to purchase something for a second baby because you believe it’s tacky, just pass and pick something out on your own. Not that hard. 

Post # 47
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

But that’s too easy and there’s no outrage! You mean you can just… not buy something if you don’t want to?! But etiquette! And the internet!! And people on WB that get offended over secret registries they know nothing about!! 

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mittenmama :  

Post # 48
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584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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mittenmama :  Showers are to celebrate the woman entering motherhood – or in these contempory times, a couple becoming parents.  That is why they are held well before the baby arrives.  They also acknowledge that there is a lot of financial outlay in becoming parents, and therefore gifts are mandatory to help lighten the load. 

That is why showers are only appropriate for the first baby.  You only become parents once.

Doesn’t mean the subsequent babies aren’t celebrated.  I for one always bring a gift for the baby the first time I meet it, and most people I know do too. 

Post # 49
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

OP I’m pregnant with baby #2 (and this will be 2 under 2 for us), and I don’t plan on any showers or sprinkles. But, I will create an Amazon registry for the completion discount for a couple of items that I’m eyeing for baby #2 and for some family members that have asked for gift giving ideas. 

I don’t expect people to know exactly what I need. Hell, we don’t even know what we need until it’s 2am and we’ve blown through sleepsack #2 for the night and are on Prime ordering next day delivery on something. Expecting Aunt Linda that just wants to help out to know it through some unknown family gossip circle where all this information is supposedly matriculating is just silly.

We also utilize the Wish List feature on Amazon in my family for help with birthday or Christmas shopping ideas. Guess we’re all tacky (or smart) AF. I never have to guess what anyone wants because they just fwd me the link for what they want and that’s what I get! 

Post # 50
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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rosadiaz :  so does this mean a woman who gets married more than once cannot have subsequent wedding showers with her groom? You can certainly be a bride more than once…just saying! 

 

OP, I would make a registry, put things on there you feel you need for baby #2 and do what you want with it. You don’t need anyone’s approval on WB for that. Congratulations! 

 

Post # 51
Member
12827 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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mittenmama :  “so does this mean a woman who gets married more than once cannot have subsequent wedding showers with her groom?”

Actually, for the same group of guests, yes it does. 

Post # 52
Member
959 posts
Busy bee

I don’t even understand how there’s contention here. If someone specifically asks you to send them a list/registry of things you need for baby #2, or offers to throw a sprinkle…what’s the big deal? As long as you don’t expect one or ask for one out of the blue, people can celebrate your new baby however they want, and I don’t see any point in hindering them for the sake of traditional etiquette rules. 

The transition from one baby to two (especially when the first one is still under 2) usually requires a lot of extra stuff that can add up quickly…an extra stroller, high chair, carseat, crib, sippy cups, new bottles, pacifiers, etc., because both kids will need to be using those at the same time (or the ones you had for the first baby have been worn out). If baby #2 is a different gender from the first one, some new clothes, bedding, and toys would probably be useful. Parents adding a second addition could probably easily “survive” on using old baby stuff and buying some new things on their own, but any contribution helps…if someone wants to help the parents out and celebrate the new baby with more than a pack of diapers, why not?

 

Post # 53
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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weddingmaven :  absolutely crazy to me. 

Post # 54
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I am willing to concede to 

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weddingmaven : that traditional and contemporary etiquette technically does not allow for this.  That said, I would welcome it in the same way I welcome Christmas lists (even *gasp* the Amazon kind!) because I prefer guidance in giving gifts since I want people to be able to use what I give them, especially for babies.  Some people who are more traditional than I am would be bothered by it.  Whenever you breach traditional etiquette, you do run the risk of people being offended by it, even if 90% of bees would be perfectly okay.  

OP, you know your circle way better than we ever will.  I see no harm in having a small registry so long as you aren’t advertising it.  Will it probably get around?  Yes.  If you think your friends and family will have a cow about it if they find out second or third or fourth hand, I wouldn’t.  

Post # 55
Member
12827 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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Daisy_Mae :   “There is no American tradition to only celebrate first babies. There IS a tradition to give first-time parents gifts to help make the transition into parenthood easier.”

I agree. That said, I personally don’t discriminate in terms of what I choose to spend on first and subsequent children. The big difference is that it’s my choice, I’m not being hit up for it. I don’t need to be invited to a shower or know about a registry to be moved to send a baby gift. 

Post # 56
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Lol c’mon now some of you sound so stuck up and ridiculous. If you don’t want to buy the mother to be a gift for her new baby then don’t do it. Don’t judge others that will. If a mother wants to have baby showers for her 10rh baby then let it be! Feel it’s tacky? Then don’t give her anything . Simple as that. I have some friends that have had showed for each baby and guess what? If I feel like it, I go and gift something and if I don’t then I don’t. 

Post # 57
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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mittenmama :  We don’t do bridal showers here, but aren’t they supposed to be “for setting up your home”? In which case no, I would probably side-eye a second bridal shower too.  A bachelorette would be fine as it’s not a gift giving occasion. 

I forgot to answer OP’s question.  I actually think it’s fine to “setup a registry for yourself for the completion discount” and send it to people if they explicitly ask for it.

We all have those friends and family who we are close enough to, to cut out the niceties and just ask them exactly what they need.  Eg. I would ask my best friend for ideas for what would be useful to her if she was pregnant with her second, and I’d actually prefer a whole list than just one thing which may not be my price point or what I had in mind. 

Post # 58
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I give a mother a present for the baby regardless of it being the 1st, 2nd or 3rd. I just hate the idea of giving someone a list of what you want. Let people ask. Baby showers have started to catch on here – I won’t be having one.

Post # 59
Member
4702 posts
Honey bee

I believe every baby is different and deserve a little something even though it’s something small. In real life, I have seen more people have baby showers with their 2nd or 3rd babies than not and so far haven’t heard any complaints. I always attend too. Only in this freakin website have I heard of people saying a second baby does not need a shower.

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strawberrybee9 :  

Post # 60
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

I’ve never heard of giving gifts for a second baby 

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