Post # 1
Ok so I’ve been married for just under a year now. We didn’t have a ton of money for a ring, but he picked out a beautiful ring and spent what I feel is a reasonable amount (I wouldn’t have wanted him to spend any more!) but from the day I got it I have always felt the center stone is smaller than I wanted. The setting is exactly what I envisioned and it’s a beautiful diamond but it’s only .4 carats with a dainty pave band. At the time we got engaged, I had never heard about moissanite, but I love how affordable (and sparkly) it is and really only ever wanted a clear stone to begin with – I was never set on a diamond but I felt that was my only good option. I have definitely ogled over many Bee’s beautiful rings on here and I feel kind of terrible but it leaves me wishing I had known about mossanite and wondering if there’s anything I can do!
I have never brought up my feelings about my diamond to my husband because I know how proud he is of the ring he got me and I would never want to hurt his feelings. He has also never mentioned anything about altering or upgrading my ring in the future.
The other day engagement rings came up and I was asking him how he picked mine out (and potentially feeling out bringing up moissanite and maybe an upgrade one day) when he mentioned that he had thought about getting “a diamond alternative” for the center stone so that he could get me a bigger size, but then he looked at my ring and said “but I actually think this is the perfect size”
So what do you guys think…. is that case closed on my ring? Should I suck it up and be happy with the ring I have forever? Or should I tell him how I’m feeling and discuss wanting to possibly replace my diamond with a moissanite? (In that case – what would I do with the diamond I have currently?? Have it set in a necklace or what do you guys think?)
[Side note: I will be inheriting a 1 carat diamond from my grandmother in probably 10 years or so that’s currently set in a necklace. Do you think it would be tacky to use her diamond as an “upgrade” and put it in my ring?? Or is this potentially option C: wear my current ring until I replace my diamond with my grandmother’s when I inherit it?]
I just can’t get this out of my head and need some outside input. Thank you for any help, Bee’s!!!
Post # 2
Keep ering as it is, and don’t think about and plan for when your grandma is gonna pass away to get that diamond necklace. Cross that bridge when that day comes.
As for getting a bigger moissy, simply buy yourself one for your right hand, or some big sparkly stud earrings – satisfy the craving with other rings and jewellery and you’re gonna notice it does not matter at all.
Post # 3
I think you should bring up getting a moissanite. If you really want one I would just talk to your husband about getting one for an upgrade if you like or just a ring in rotation. I have many rings in rotation as long as I’m wearing a ring on my wedding finger my husband doesn’t care. Good luck bee, moissies are beautiful
Post # 4
I would bring up getting a moissanite right hand ring, maybe for your anniversary. That way, you can sometimes swap it out with your e ring like EmeleeRose :
suggested. I would avoid calling it an upgrade and talk about it as a whole separate entity. Wear it only on your right hand for at least 3 months before you start swapping it out. That should avoid hurting his feelings or making him think you are trying to replace it with something grander looking.
Plus I think annelise210516 :
is right. Once you satisfy your big, sparkly cravings you will probably appreciate your existing ring more and be happy to wear it on a day to day basis, alternating the bigger ring for fancy occasions or going out or whatever.
Post # 5
10 years is along time to wait. So if you think he may be ok with it, then talk to him about getting a moissanite and putting your diamond into a pendant. Then in 10 years when you get your grandmother’s, have that set into your ring if you want. depending on what kind of head your ring has, having a larger stone put in it may not be possible. For instance if your ring has a peg head you can just get a larger head for the new stone. But if it’s intragraded into the setting then, you’d have to get an entirely new ring. I’m all for being completely happy with your ring, and it won’t hurt to ask! The worst that can happen is that he says no. Just don’t keep bringing it up if it upsets him, it’s definitely not worth a fight.
Post # 6
Why look at it or term it an upgrade at all? What about getting an RHR? If you want to change centre stone to a much bigger one, it is VERY likely you would need to heavily modify setting or it might not be doable at all – something to keep in mind if you are sentimental about the setting. Like PP said above, you may very well find a RHR satisfies that desire for something “bigger” and you realize your engagement ring is perfect as is because of what it symbolizes and sentimentalism.
I do believe in honesty with your partner though and if this is something bothering you, or even just on your mind, talk to him.
Honestly, in your shoes if you were to inherit the larger stone – and I would cross that bridge when I got there if I did – I would discuss possibility of setting it into a ring to alternate between – or into current setting. But ten years is a long time away and a lot can change so if is not something I would worry about or rely on now.
But if you really want something different on your left finger NOW and do not want to go via RHRs, then talk to him about possibility of getting a moissanite ring – to celebrate your anniversary or whatever – and that you can alternate your original ring with.
I never had an engagement ring so my case is a bit different, but over the years I have has a few rings I have worn as wedding rings, and a couple RHRs. I alternate all between hands even now. My husband does not care if I wear a ring or not or what ring I do wear as we both recognize the rings are a symbol you can choose to wear, they aren’t the actual promise or commitment (he can’t even wear his own ring most of time due to work!). But not everyone feels this way, so approach it with your husband kindly. If he is sentimental about the ring…well, I would stick to RHRs.
Have you seen moissanite in person? I have had/have and wear both moissanite (including the new H&A 4H silicon carbide) and diamonds. In fact, my main ring for years was moissanite. Moissanite (at least good quality, well cut moissanite) is very pretty but I will readily admit I prefer diamonds in performance, and for me there is a “mind clean” aspect there which is definitely not the case for all, and I’d rather have a smaller diamond than a larger moissanite. I just never look at my moissanite rings quite the “same” as my diamond ones but if is hard to explain. I wear them and they are pretty, but they don’t speak to me in same way. It would be good for you (and your husband) to see it in person as you decide, too. But this is also why I encourage a RHR or an alternate to swap with, rather than modifying your current setting and replacing the diamond. You may not feel this way at all – not everyone does – but I just wanted to share my own experiences.
Post # 7
It’s your hand, and you are wearing it every day. I would research two prices – the price of buying the moissy that you want and having the stones swapped, and the price of a moissy right-hand ring that you would love wearing (likely this will be more money, since you would need a whole new setting).
Then tell him that you’ve found yourself craving more sparkle, and you fell in love with moissy’s amazing rainbows. Say you really, really want a moissy, and that it would cost $500 (or whatever) to change the stone of your ering, or $800 (or whatever) to buy a moissy right hand ring. Ask him whether he would be comfortable with you changing the stone, or whether he woudl prefer you get a separate right hand ring.
Whichever he chooses, you could soften the blow of this expensive purchase by saying that you’ve saved up the money yourself (if you guys have separate finances or fun money accounts and you are willing to buy it for yourself).
If you can’t buy it yourself, you could tell him that you think the moissy would be an amazing anniversary/CHristmas/birthday gift (whichever event works with your timing). It would be nice for this to “count” for one or multiple gift-giving events.
Post # 8
Buy yourself a separate moissanite ring or make your grandmother’s diamond into a ring in 10 years. Don’t swap out the diamond your husband lovingly gave you 🙂
Post # 9
Im not sure the term “upgrade” is quite the right way to word it, you have a beautiful “daimond” so getting a larger moissy at a fraction of the cost is not really an upgrade. It sounds like you want a bigger stone overall, Im a bit on the fence as I feel for your man, im not sure how you could break to him without hurting his feelings and more so by replacing the diamond with a stone that “mimics” a diamond ??? hmmmm good luck tho
Post # 10
My $0.02? I suggest circling in a magazine, or pinning online, several ring choices for him to get you an a-band for your 1st anniversary in a few months. For example, a three stone moissey, maybe even with sides of the birthstone of the month you married (or your actual birthstones) would give you that “big center stone” look but it won’t replace your lovely e-ring. If you find CZs, even better (aka cheaper) to keep it in his mind that this ring definitely doesn’t compete with your e-ring; it’s just the next pretty bauble he buys his girl. Wear the a-band as RHR for awhile and begin rotating it into your stack occasionally. Win win.
Post # 11
i was in the same exact position as you, although ive been married for 4 years now. I was honest with my husband and told him that my current ering is special to me and has sentimental value, but i just would like “another” ring. Not an “upgrade”, since i will still keep my original and still cherish it. Just another ring in rotation. Be honest. You know your man so you know how to talk to him effectively. Ask how he feels about you having another ring. In most cases, men just want their women to be happy. After I talked to my hubby about it, he was totally ok with it, no drama, no hurt feelings. It was such an easy conversation and I built up all this drama in my head for nothing. We’re slowly saving up for my dream moissy ring. Now i just drool over the gorgeous rings on the board to hold me over!
Good luck bee!
Post # 12
I’d wait for grandma’s diamond. It’d be so much more meaningful to me that it’d be worth the wait.
Post # 13
I would wear the ring he bought you and wait for grandmas diamond. Buy yourself a right hand moissy if you want.
Post # 14
I agree with PPs. Buy a separate moissy ring for now to rotate. It would probably cost about the same for a whole new ring as it would to switch out that diamond for the larger moissy as PP said the setting would need to be modified. So this way you are getting what you want without hurting his feelings.
If you do end up with grandmas diamond in 10 years (let’s face it a lot can change in that time) then consider your options at that time. But I don’t think you should already be calculating on what to do with that 1 carat diamond when grandma passes (if that’s what you were referring to) cuz that’s kind of cold IMO.
Post # 15
For what it’s worth I have a smaller diamond engagement ring (0.6 carat) and at first I really wanted something bigger/a more elaborate setting until I heard my husband talking about why he chose it and how it really was a reflection of what he thought of me-he thought I’d like something more dainty and classic. Also-at least where I live- it’s not uncommon for women to have tiny stones in their rings, a 0.4 carat would be a decent size.
I inherited a 1 carat solitaire from my grandma along with some other busy settings and honestly, I like my ring better. I was shocked to figure that out! They’re nice to have and they are beautiful but my husband was right and if I’d have swapped stones in that moment of wanting I think the sentimental side of me would have a crisis. I sometimes switch them out for fun but if I didn’t have my original ering I’d be pretty sad never getting to look at it and think of my proposal again. A new stone just wouldn’t have that same magic.
If I were you I’d get a RHR, I would buy it myself he already shelled out on a diamond for you. I also bought a ‘travel ring’ from Berricle that’s just CZ but it is fun to wear and I can take that with us on vacation so I don’t have to worry about my real ring getting lost/stolen. You may wanna do that first so you can see how you like it before you splurge on a moissanite.