- 5 years ago
I’m a very regular poster using an anon account because this is kind of an embarrassing/private post, and my regular account is very identifiable after all this time.
Anyway, I have been with my wonderful, loving SO for 4 years, and we have a tentative understanding that we will probably get engaged within the next 10 months or so. Our relationship is generally great and we trust each other completely, and we’re very happy together. We don’t have many common interests, but we have the same values and desires in life and get along super well.
I am a graduate student who has to live away from my home with my SO sometimes when school is in session. When I first arrived at school, I started hanging out with a group of people that included a very handsome guy with interests that are very similar to mine. At the time I was not sure if my relationship with my SO was going to survive my going off to school, and I was in a very weird place in my head about it. So I developed a crush on this guy for a month or so, until I discovered what he was really like– just not a good person at all, complete manipulative, gossiping lady’s man who has since been very mean and rude to one of my best friends, who was friends with him until recently. Last fall, though, I definitely had quite a crush on him, and I think the guy knew it– he played with my emotions a bit, even though he knew I was in a relationship. I endeavored to conceal it as much as I could and act as appropriately as I could, although I am sure I acted more flirtatious than I should have been a few times (I never touched him, just talking/laughing flirtation).
The two things that stand out as this guy acting inappropriately were him singing a sexy song at me, while surrounded by other people at a party, and him asking me to watch documentaries on shared interests with him– just the two of us. Of course I shut that one down by saying I didn’t think that was something I should do as a person with a significant other, and while I would be fine with that if it was a group thing, I would not watch movies with him alone.
There was nothing that ever happened, no inappropriate touching or conversations about sex/emotions/romance or anything like that. But I did have a crush on him for a while, though I am entirely over it now. I guess the point of this post is to ask, do I need to feel guilty about this? Is having a crush on someone for a month something I should ever tell my SO? I mean, I would be totally fine not ever telling my SO, and that is what I would much prefer, but I know it is good in some cases to come clean about weird stuff and make sure your SO knows all the important things about you before getting engaged/married. The thing is, this is NOT an important thing about me at all, it just bothers me that it happened and I normally am very honest to everyone and don’t keep secrets.