Post # 1
I need to make a disclaimer before anyone gets the wrong ideas… I don’t hate weddings. I love weddings, I hate being the center of attention, and here is my way around it.
I need to know if this ‘brilliant idea’ of mine might be considered mean or discurtious in any way. I do want a wedding but would prefer it to be a large everyone included reception and a small private ceremony with almost no one there. We are both outdoorsy and have a pretty high amount of outdoor-extreme sport oriented friends.
In my ideal situation we would pick out a middle of no where not even on the map location and include its GPS coordinates and a few major landmarks on a map in the wedding invitation. Any friends / family who wish to fordge a few streams, hike a few miles, and climb the small mountain are more than welcomed to join us at the ceremony with breath taking views… Those who do not with to join us can drive to the reception hall and eat lovely cake delicious soups and salads and dance thier hearts out…
My question to all of you lovely Bees is: is it rude to do this knowing that some older guests and those with young children will not be able to physically make it? or is it okay knowing that everyone is invited to the reception?
Yes I have taken the dress into consideration and will be making a 100% wrinkle free dress that can fit in my backpack. I would greatly appreciate anything thoughts or insight you might have on this idea.
Thank you so much!
Post # 3
This wedding sounds like it’s more suited to you than a lot of weddings are suited to other brides. I am 100% behind this idea and I think it’s great!!!! I considered doing something like this for my own wedding, but only changed my mind because I want my grandpa to perform the ceremony and he wouldn’t be able to make it up there. Do it!
Post # 4
Sounds fun…! I might include something about recieving the bride and groom at the reception hall in order that most of your guests don’t think you are being rude about being so cryptic. Or just extending invites to the ceremony to certin people… (not as fun though..) I’ve seen weddings do this and although your guests might be a little put off for a second they will get over it very quickly!
Post # 5
I think it is a cool idea but just make sure you are ok with those people not being able to make it to the ceremony!
Post # 6
Thank you auggiefrog and adnama, I like the idea of putting a recieving time at the reception hall.
We had considered only extending ceremony invites to certian people but I think this way half the fun is going to be seeing who makes it, or tries to make it. Another thought we had was some how making markers or signs pointing people in the right dirrection, which kind of takes away the secret part.
and to Mspanda, there are a few people (parents) who I am obviously not okay with missing the ceremony, but I feel most of them will be able to make it. I should probably consider a contingancy plan incase though, good point.
Post # 7
I think I would be worried thinking about my poor mother/sister/aunt stuck in a swamp somewhere if she didnt turn up..?
Its a cute idea, but I dont know about putting friends and family in danger.
Post # 8
I think it’s great! You should become husband and wife exactly where you want . As long as you are ok with some people not making it because if that then I say go for it. The reception can be their time to celebrate with you!
Post # 9
In theory, it’s a cool idea. Then I think about people like your grandparents and other older relatives, or even younger ones who just aren’t as fit or have asthma and can’t handle all that, basically being not allowed to attend the ceremony. Oh, and everyone (including you and your groom) being a sweaty dirty mess. Then it’s not so cool.
I think that if one of my family members did this I wouldn’t be happy about it – it feels like a very inconsiderate thing for the person hosting the wedding to do, purposely making it so hard to attend. I do have asthma, so if I physically had to stop and was unable to make it, I’d be very disappointed and really not in the mood to party – I’d be upset that I came for your wedding and had to miss it, like I’m being punished for not being as fit and active as you and your Fiance. I know that’s not your intent, which is why I thought I’d share my other point of view on this.
Post # 10
You all make good points, and thank you courtney for bringing up the other side that I needed to hear. I agree it is unfair to punish those who are older or have health problems, and then there are probably a few people who just don’t want to get all muddy etc.
I am now considering still doing something like this but choosing a location that is partially driveable too and still has a bit of a walk but is maybe not through a river and over a mountain…
I will keep you lovely bees updated as plans evolve, until then please keep the comments comming all input that I need to hear.
Post # 11
You could also always get one of your fit friends/family to video the ceremony and play it at the reception. I went to a wedding where they did a destination ceremony with just the bride and groom and then did the reception back home. They showed the video at the reception, and it was lovely. We all were able to see the ceremony, even though we couldn’t be there; best of both worlds.
Post # 12
I like it. I would make sure it’s safe though! lol. A little tricky maybe but you don’t want to put people you WANT to be there in danger 😉 I would make the clues a little harder and maybe be sure people I HAD to be there, mom, etc knew how to get there for sure.
On another note: I wish I had this idea first! hehe. Love the private-ness of it all.
Post # 13
I did not read a lot of the PP so forgive me if this has been said,
but how about sending ceremony invites to the people you want there,
and send a reception invite seperately. that says something along the lines of “please join so and so, in a celebration of thier marrage, and then have some one record the wedding and play it at the reception? That way those that Cannot make it feel included?
Post # 14
Hubs and I did something similar. I love weddings but the idea of having that many eyes on e just scares the crap out of me. Also with my parents wanting to invite their business associates and the large number of extended relatives, it was turning into a circus. I always wanted a small intimate wedding so Hubs and I got married ocean bluffs with only our wedding party and immediate family in attendance and then invited everyone to party it up with us that night at the reception. We hosted the traditional Chinese banquet. That’s actually a pretty common tradition in Chinese/Taiwanese cultures where family and friends are invited to only the reception; the wedding ceremony itself was downplayed and the emphasis was on the food and drinking!
Post # 15
Just incase anyone was interested this is the view from the through the river up the mountain location (the puffy white stuff is fog, not snow). I think we are going to do it, but let out guests know that it will be filmed and played at the reception and also that we do not expect them to going us but would be flattered if they would like to make the trek with us to help us start our life long adventure together. Still have to smooth it over with the family first, thank you so much bees for your ideas!
Post # 16
@imalittlebirdie: I second this idea. Sending separate invitation to ceremony and reception is a great idea. The faux pas is usually that anyone invited to the ceremony should be invited to the reception (reason being that you don’t want them to feel as though they are goo enough to get you a gift, but not important enough for you to feed them later), but you are doing the opposite which is totally fine!
Separate invitations are the way to go. People are understanding when it comes to private ceremonies…they just want to be invited to the party
Also, maybe rent a nice park or something? You can still be outdoorsy and have it be accessible to your older realtives who might have a difficult time navigating rough terrain.