(Closed) Small Wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

I did have that problem. My fiancés family is from NC and mine is from CA and we decided to marry in my state. Not a lot would fly to the wedding just 10-15 people on his side. The rest would be my church family and biological family, which is 70?

The venue searching was a big issue. He wanted 50-60 people for the reception because we both wanted a very small weddding, but with the amount of people on the guest list it was a challenge. So I know what you’re going through bee. I’ve been through it. We went a completely different route, just decided to have a small short ceremony in sept. And the big one in March. So, I may not be much help. Sorry bee. 

Post # 3
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you agreed to a small wedding, it may not be possible for you to  invite that many people on your side.  You say, n a passive voice, 60-80 people from my side will be coming.  They will only be coming if you invite them.  You may only be able to invite parents, grandparents, siblings and their children and spouses.  How many would that result in?  

Post # 4
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

how do people have 80 person families?

do you just count every single blood relative that exists?

it is impossible to be that close with that many people… and its fine if your doing a huge free for all wedding where you invite the postman and your highschool teacher but usually a small wedding is immediate family and ‘close’ family only – it doesnt include random uncles/cousins/2nd relations etc…

for instace (making up a family here) an intimate wedding could be:

  • parents (even if they’re devorced and remarried) x4
  • siblings (even with a large family) x6
  • siblings husbands/wives (lets say 2/3rds are married) x4
  • siblings kids x4
  • grandparent (if your lucky to have them all) x4
  • great grampa wally (whose holding in at 91) x1
  • favorite uncle bob + his wife x2
  • aunt carol + her daughters kathy and jane (who you use to spend summer with) x3
  • cousins tina and betty (who you where very close to in school together) x2

= 30

you dont then need to invite your dads 3 brothers and sister, your mam 2 brothers, their partners and all the offspring of those, and then their partners aswell as their offspring – esspecially when you can barely know half of them because to be honest that amount of people is kind of crazy and I doubt they ALL live really close and talk daily

 

Post # 5
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

This happened to me.  We wanted a small wedding but my dad is 1 of 13!  So with all my aunts/uncles/cousins it quickly added up to about 180 people.  We are hoping that since our location is very far and difficult to travel to it may cut down the list a bit..but who knows

Post # 6
Member
462 posts
Helper bee

We had the same issue so we decided to only invite the siblings of our parents only plus grandparents. No extended families. It’s also a Destination Wedding during the school term which filters half the family and their kids out. 

Post # 7
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
btob17 :  I disagree here.  My dad is 1 of 13 and our family is EXTREMELY close.  I have very tight knit relationships with all of my living aunts and uncles – as well as many of my cousins.  Growing up we all lived near each other so my best friends just happened to be many people I was related to.  There may be some proxy invites but mos tof them are very sincere and I Know it is important to my dad that they come.  

Post # 8
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
btob17 :  it’s very easy to have a family of 80 for example my Fiance is one of 10 and even though not all of his siblings are married or have kids it’d still add up to 25 with siblings nieces/ nephews sibling spouses. His dad was also one of 10 and he was close with the entire family so not including cousins we are at another 20. With his moms siblings we are up to another 12. Mind you he b has regular contact with at b least 15 cousins. Plus grandparents… We are having two weddings each with about 75 guest due to his family not being able to travel to b the U.S.

 

OP if I were you and this was really important to me as it seems to be in your case I would try to get b your FH to understand because you don’t want to miss out on important people not being there.

Post # 9
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

We are looking to invite about 90 people total including both sides of the family and friends, and I wish it was even smaller! It helps to set out cutoffs from the start.  Limit the guest list to immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings + SO’s, MAYBE aunts, uncles and first cousins +SO’s).  That’s what we’re doing across the board.  No kids.  At least it’s fair to everyone.  No coworkers unless we spend a lot of time with them outside of work.  No “friends” we haven’t seen or talked to in over a year.  

Post # 10
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
btob17 :  It’s quite easy to have 80 close relatives.  I’m sorry if you aren’t the type that is close with all your family but in my family we are.  We see each other yearly for family reunions or get togethers so it’s not like that random 2nd or 3rd cousin that you only see every 10 years at funerals.  My family is huge!  My Dad has older siblings so in some cases it’s actually my 2nd cousins that are closer to my age that I grew up with.  Therefore, it does trickle down a bit to who you invite.  Not to mention, that sometimes you just may want to avert the drama of getting calls of why you invited Cousin Sue but not her sibling Cousin Deana when you grew up equally with them.

OP, you and your fiance’ either need to find a new venue or you have to cut your list.  I know it’s hard.  I’m going through this right now.  My fiance’ and I decided to do parents, siblings and aunts/uncles.  However, I definitely had to extend to some 1st cousins and 2nd cousins (as mentioned above) due to how close we were growing up.  My problem though is cutting through that 1st and 2nd cousin list and avoiding the drama as I mentioned above.  I even had one of the 1st cousins that I didn’t plan to invite, comment on my FB status about finding my dress “Can’t wait for the day!” Awkward!  LOL.  So now I’m having to figure out where to cut.  My venue has a STRICT 130 person limit and we are currently at 145 on the list. 

Oh yeah and we aren’t doing kids other than my nieces and nephews, half of which will be in the wedding.  (He doesn’t have any).

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