(Closed) Small Wedding + After Party for More?

posted 4 years ago in Reception
Post # 2
Member
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

In the UK this would be acceptable but here in the US, it’s in really poor taste. Nothing says “you’re not good enough” like inviting someone to the part of the festivities that don’t cost you veat much but not the parts that do (a few drinks and platters at a bar isn’t the same as the actual wedding reception)

not everyone that says they “can’t wait to celebrate with you”  actually wants to celebrate with you. For casual acquaintances, that’s just small talk and social pleasantries and they really won’t be fussed to not get an invite.

Post # 3
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
monimoomoo :  A close family friend did this. She was married at a winery and had a dinner there with about 40 family members. The next day, she and her husband hosted a garden party at their home. It was really nicely decorated and catered. It didn’t feel like a barbeque but it certainly didn’t feel like a wedding. They didn’t mind this and everyone had a wonderful time but, as a guest, I felt more like I was attending a different type of party.

It might be different in your case considering you are thinking of hosting at a venue and having your afterparty on the same day. I think if this option is going to allow you to get everything you want out of your wedding day, go for it!

ETA: I’m based in the US near NYC and while it’s not incredibly common, I’m seeing more people do it.

Post # 4
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

View original reply
monimoomoo :  Would your friends feel a cetain way if they are not invited to the actual wedding but to an after party after the wedding? I’m also in the US and I think that I would feel a certain way if I found out I’m only being invited to an after party in which you’ve already celebrated with family and close friends. Why not have the wedding with 100 people and celebrate with them and let that be it or even the 60 people and let that be in and not have an after party.  The after party you said you would still include drinks and apps so why not just save that money and use it towards the wedding for 100?

I understand your fiance’ doesn’t have a lot of friends neither do I. I only have 1 friend that will be invited to my 100 person wedding. I’m not bothered by it at all, as I would rather be surrounded by true friends and she is one of them. I’m not having a huge wedding party either. If your fiance’ feels a certain way about a bridal party just don’t have one or only have a Maid/Matron of Honor and a groomsman.  You know your guest and friends best if you think that they will not feel slighted then do the first option.

Post # 5
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
monimoomoo :  That’s a tough one but since you’re in th US, I would go with the restaurant where you can have 100 guests for ceremony and dinner. I think the other choice would be fine in the UK only (daytime VS evening guests) as I learned from other threads here (?). Most Americans are not familiar with this and it’s likely many people will get offended to be invited at the after party only. The after party, you can just look at it as a cash bar I guess. 

Post # 6
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

As a Brit I’d be fine with your plan. Why not be a trend setter and say you’re doing things like the British? 

Honestly if a colleague is getting married I never expect to be invited (however close we are) and I’d never expect more than an evening invite, but I’ll ask them loads about their wedding because I love weddings 

Post # 7
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
Twizbe :  Since you’re from the UK, how would you normally divide daytime VS evening guests? Can you give an example? Do evening guests usually gift smaller since they are not there the entire ceremony/breakfast unlike the daytime guests? I really find this interesting. 

Post # 8
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
socalgirl1689 :  depends on the size and location of wedding but a general rule of thumb would be that family and close / old friends are day guests, colleagues / new friends are evening. 

Sometimes for smaller weddings it will be family only ceremony and everyone else in the evening.

sometimes you might ‘upgrade’ an evening guest if you get some rsvps no. 

Thing is no one takes offence at being an evening guest. You’re still invited to celebrate with them

 

ETA: missed your gift question. Evening guests won’t usuall bring a gift. A card would be expected but nothing more. 

Post # 9
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
Twizbe :  Oh okay…more questions about UK weddings. The evening celebration, is this more casual and held at a different venue from the morning breakfast (I learned this is really the midday meal but just called breakfast)? Like, I’m imagining, the formal breakfast would be at a hotel’s banquet hall then the evening celebration would be moved at a pub with music. Are the evening guests served finger foods and drinks? And is the wedding cake cut during the daytime or evening celebration? Excuse all the questions, just trying to understand how it’s done in the UK. 

Post # 10
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
socalgirl1689 :  usually the evening do is in the same place as the reception (ceremony might be a different location depending on civil vs religious or whether the places has a marriage license) 

wedding ceremonies are usually around lunch time with the wedding breakfast served about 4/5pm and evening guests arrive about 7:30.

the cake is usually cut as evening guests arrive and the first dance happens shortly after.

usually finger food is served at about 9pm. Most wedding venues only have licenses to open until midnight. 

Post # 11
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I think it’s a fine idea! Tell your friends the ceremony is an intimate venue than can only accomodate 60 people. Call the dinner a ‘wedding dinner’ and the official reception will be at the Shuffleboard. I think it’ll go over well if you relax the dress code for your reception guests, so they’ll feel easy coming for a nicer-than-usual night out to celebrate with you, as opposed to getting all dressed up just to go to a bar when they didn’t attend the ceremony. 

The topic ‘Small Wedding + After Party for More?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors