(Closed) Small Wedding and Upset Mom…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@takemyhand: i know its really hard but i think you just kinda have to stick to your guns here. your mom sounds a lot like my mom. if you give them an inch they will walk you out a mile. unfortunatly im thinking that the only way she would be happy is if you invited who she wanted but you need to be firm that that is not an option. i like your idea of the wedding annoucements and i think that is a good compromise. weddings are aout 2 people commiting their lives to one another. its about who those 2 people (Noth their parents!) think are important to be there.

i think your mom will come around in time. maybe have her help design the announcements or incorperate her in another aspect like invitation design or something ot take her mind off of being miffed because her friends are not invited

Post # 5
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Weddings bring out the crazy in people. I don’t think there’s much you can do other than stand your ground and have the wedding that you and your Fiance want. Hopefully that was just the initial shock talking and she will come around to the idea of a small wedding.

Post # 6
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

Can your mother throw an engagement party over which she has most of the control for the guest list, food, etc.?  Can you give her an aspect of the wedding that isn’t very important to you and just let her do pretty much what she wants with it?

Our wedding is going to be the same size as yours, and I’m lucky that I’ve gotten no flack so far from either my mother or Mother-In-Law.  I agree that you need to stick to your guns and point out that inviting all the great aunts and uncles would more than double the size of the wedding.  (I’m in the same boat in terms of not inviting my cousins because it would double the size of our wedding.)

Post # 7
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I had/am having a similar situation with my mom, except we caved and went from our 40-person family-and-a-very-few-best-friends-only wedding to a wedding of about 80 that includes some of my mom’s closest friends (and more of our own friends).  I’m at peace with our decision at this point and my mom has come around a lot, too.  She said that she’s realized that some people will be getting an invite and some won’t and that’s just life.

If you want to keep it very small, I agree you need to stick to your guns.  The “________’s” and the “_________’s will get over it, believe me!

Have you gone dress shopping yet?  Maybe that’s something the two of you could do together, or let her help you choose a photographer or a venue or something so she doesn’t feel left out?  If those things are too “big ticket” she could help choose invites or linens or something so she still feels like it’s “wedding-y”?  That was one thing with our situation, my mom had a lot of ideas about what constitutes a “real” wedding.  Oh, traditional mothers.  🙂

Post # 8
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ps – same as you, my mother is NOT usually pushy, at all.  I think the wedding of her only daughter (and only child so far to get married) is just a big deal for her.  Imagine if your (future) daughter made all the wedding choices that you think suck, you know?  She’ll come around.  🙂

Post # 9
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@takemyhand: I think an engagement party will quinch her desire to throw a big party. Just make sure that everyone understands that you will have a small private wedding. Also, dress shopping will make her happy. Good luck.

Post # 10
Member
46328 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your Mom already said she would respect your wishes. Hold her to her promise.

Post # 12
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@takemyhand: That’s wonderful news, I’m so glad you were all able to sit down together and communicate and come up with a compromise that makes everyone happy!  Good luck with the rest of your planning. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@takemyhand: im really glad you go everything worked out. it soulds like the compromise is very reasonable and you sent a very clear message of “this is what you get and thats it” good job!

Post # 14
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@takemyhand: Thats great to hear the outcome of this. Glad that its all worked out!

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