Post # 1
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Hi bees! So my fiancé and I have decided on a small wedding (15-30 people). Mr. Narwhal has a very small family, and most of them live out of state. I have a large family who are mostly local, who I am very close with. It would be well over 100 people on my side, family alone. We are paying for everything ourselves, so we decided to have the wedding we want but just immediate family and close friends only. But I couldn’t imagine not celebrating with my family. So as a solution, we were thinking of a big wedding kickoff party in a park the weekend before. We are getting married in early September and weekends after would be too cold in wisconsin. Has anyone else ever done this? Is this tacky since it will be before the actual wedding? What would you do? Any other thoughts and ideas are appreciated!
Post # 2
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Would you consider getting married where his family is, with your immediate family, and then having a party when you get back?
Post # 3
Member
32 posts
Newbee
creativeplannertobee: His family is spread across many different states…we are not very close enough to them anyway. 🙁
Post # 4
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
What we will be doing, and what my cousin did, is we’ll be having a small US destination wedding in September 2015 with immediate family and close friends (and possibly a few of my aunts because they were already harassing me about it over Xmas). Then we’ll be having a get together in Pittsburgh for his mom’s side and friends (where we live) late fall and a get-together at my father’s house in Minnesota for my ginormous family (80) and his dad’s side in the spring… serving beverages, appetizers, and desserts at both. We’re too looking to save money.
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This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by SeaOfLove.
Post # 5
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
MrsNarwahl: Sorry, but it may come across as tacky/gift grabby, if you dont invite family that you are close to, to your wedding. Are you trying to have a fancy wedding but feel that you can’t afford to have #100 or so? There are so many ways to make your wedding beautiful and affordable. If that is what you want, and you can’t imagine not celebrating with your family, and you need help to make it happen, this is the place. If you want to describe what you’d like, I would try to help you.
Post # 6
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Tacky? I don’t see it as that at all. Remember, it’s YOUR wedding.I want mine to be small because I’ve always dream of an intimate wedding in outside with a beautiful background. The most important people are you two, anyway. It’s so much more special if you don’t have 100+ people trying to grab your attention. Plus, the amount of detail that goes into a large wedding… I don’t have the patience for that. Just my opinion.
Post # 7
Member
32 posts
Newbee
creativeplannertobee: damarajade:
i also love love the idea of a small, intimate wedding. As much as I would love the family I am close to there, it the comes down to, “well, why isn’t so and so invited”. My Future Mother-In-Law has already said their “side” would look sparse compared to mine and it had her all tizzied about who else she could invite. I already talked with the family I am close to and they are all for a big party. And I already told them gifts are not necessary, we will just be happy to spend time all together. We have been living together for awhile and are pretty set with what we would register for. It’s more along the lines of the other sides of the family that we cannot afford to have (my mom has 9 siblings). How would you phrase this on an invite? Especially since it is *before* the wedding?
Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee
Sorry for the bad grammar reply–typing on iPad autocorrected done things!
Post # 9
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
MrsNarwahl: I can relate to you 100%. My mom also has 9 siblings. FH always mentions that if we were to have a large, more-traditional wedding, I would have 100 people and he would have 20. And we’ve also lived together for awhile… just bought a house. So we’re pretty well-stocked. Lol. We’ll probably say something similar about gifts for our mini-receptions.
For your invitations, I would probably say, “Come celebrate our marriage.” Possibly mention “before the big day!” It sounds like most people will know when the real wedding will be before they show up, whether you specify it or not. You may want to briefly describe, “we would love to celebrate with you, our loved ones, while the weather is still nice! ”
Just some ideas. Good luck with everything 🙂 it sounds like it will work out fine.
Post # 10
Member
2352 posts
Buzzing bee
My family is HUGE, my Fiance side is not so much. However my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t throw a fit that my side would out number hers. And that’s in poor taste on her part.
Are you really close to that many people? I have a large family and while it is nice to have them there are some I am not going to invite. Cousins I havent seen in a while are getting the boot. And no kids.
I don’t see anything wrong with you kick off party. People are obessed with weddings, which is great, but unless they are paying for it they should keep their mouths shut. ALthough to be honest I think your family isn’t that type and would understand that you haven’t the funds and just want a fun family get together.
Post # 11
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
My family is huge too. My husband’s is tiny. That’s just how it is/was. Most guests were from my family.
Since you have it all worked out with your family, whatever you do is fine. 😉
Post # 12
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
MrsNarwahl: we’re having a small-ish (45 people) wedding on a Saturday and then a big party the next day as we both have stupidly big families too. We’ve worded it as a ‘post wedding celebration’ so you could do something similar but with pre wedding. I don’t care if people on here think it’s gift grabby as everyone invited knows us and knows we’re not like that.
Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee
damarajade:
VictorianChick:
creativeplannertobee:
cpick:
it is only my dad’s side that I’m close to, and they are good with everything. It is my mom’s side and FI’s family where it gets a little complicated. Now Fiance wants to invite his two out of state aunt and uncles to the wedding because he doesn’t want to them to fly out for only a party in the park. I am ok with this, it makes sense if they would fly out that they actually come to the wedding but I am dreading informing my mother. I would love to boot some relatives that I’ve only seen once in ten years, but they’re all on my mom’s side, and I had to talk my mom down from inviting 2nd cousins I’ve never even met! Hence the smaller the better! I’m glad to know I am not the only one doing a celebration party–pre or post! Thanks bees!
Post # 14
Member
30 posts
Newbee
- Wedding: June 2015 - Church
I can’t imagine a small wedding. Our chapel will look like My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Post # 15
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
MrsNarwhal: we’re doing this exact same thing! We are having 28 including us and my sisters kids in my hometown. I have a huge family 49 1st cousins on just one side! We went backwards and forwards. We were going to have an early ceemony and dinner then a big party that evening then we were going to have a big party the following night. In the end I decided against all the party ideas. I think there would be family who would say oh I’m good enough for a party but not for the actual wedding. plus it’s hard to expect ppl to travel, take time off work etc for “just a party”. We will probably meet smaller groups over the Christmas period (we get married in nov) and just celebrate that way.