(Closed) Small wedding causing family problems

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MymaJane:  I understand why you’re frustrated.  However, whenever anyone else is contributing financially, I think you have to bend a little.

We are not accepting ANY money from our families (and actually, none was offered) and we’re STILL having to accommodate some of their wishes, just to keep the peace.

I think a marriage is a big deal in general and your FI’s family wants to be there to support you guys and witness a great event.  Additionally, since FI’s family is paying for half, how are they going to explain to those close to them why they weren’t invited?

In my opinion, you have a couple of options:  You can continue to accept their financial support and upgrade the venue to something bigger to accommodate or refuse to accept any money and keep to your original plans.


I don’t know who started thist concept of “It’s your day,” because in my experience, it’s blatantly clear to me that this day is all about the guests.  True, they’re all there to see you get marries, but everything that’s planned/purchased is to make sure they’re having a great time, etc. 


You could also switch your venue to make it a semi-destination wedding, which typically cuts the guest list in half.  Just a thought.

Post # 5
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

While I agree with PP that money does generally have strings attached (unfortunately), it is still quite unfair for your future in-laws to know that you two want a smaller wedding, say they want to contribute, and then start being passive-aggressive about the guest list. It is even more unfair that your Fiance is now waffling on the issue to keep his parents happy. Before you do anything I think you need to have a talk with your Fiance – the two of you need to be on the same page on this, he needs to understand that compromise is necessary here (and you’ve already compromised, IMO), that his parents already had their wedding and it is more important for the bride and groom to have the size wedding they desire than the one the parents want. And then he needs to put his foot down with his parents and say that he’d love to have you all enjoy this time and plan a great wedding, but it will never happen if they can’t come around to the idea of an intimate wedding with your nearest and dearest.

And of course you should make all of your guests comfortable and be a good host, but that has nothing to do with your guestlist! People shouldn’t get invited just because they want to come, that is how guest lists spiral out of control.

Post # 7
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MymaJane:  The guest list is definitely the hard part! And everyone wants to make their parents happy…but it can’t be at the expense of their new wife’s happiness! Especially when it’s half her wedding, not the parent’s. Make sure you remind him of that.

Post # 8
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

And what about your father’s traditions and disappointments over not having certain Jewish traditions? To me, you need to figure out how to not compromise the wedding you want, even if that means not accepting money. I’ve heard drama over a guest list many times but it bothers me when I hear people compromising on family traditions and religious-type wants for someone else. 

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