Post # 1
I am in need of advice! I am planning to have a very small wedding with siblings, parents, and grandparents (20 people) at Toronto city hall with a dinner at a local restaurant after. I have had the same five close friends since I was young and my fiancé has one close friend. We want to have them there too but we do not know how to handle the plus one situation. Three of these friends are in relationships, while they all seem serious we have only met two of them twice. With the wedding being so small it seems wrong to be inviting people we barely know (or in the case of the other two friends – likely people we have never met) when there are family members we won’t be inviting. Is it acceptable to just invite the friends and provide no plus ones? Or be selective with plus ones? Or all plus ones? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Post # 2
simplebride2019 : I don’t understand the concept of “this person is so important that I want them at my wedding, but not important enough to invite their SO.” I’m a firm believer in plus ones.
Post # 3
A good host makes decisions based on what is best for their guests. Never having met an SO is not a reason to exclude them. Put yourself in their position. You know you would have a better time if your SO were included.
Post # 4
Yes, you need to include people’s signficant others. Plus ones are dates for truly single guests and that is at your discretion to give out.
I understand that you are having a small wedding but keep this in mind, your guest list is pretty much on par with most rehearsal dinners. In which guest’s significant others should always be invited, even though it’s a smaller group than a standard wedding reception.
Post # 5
Why can’t you just ask them? If it’s just a few people and they are your close friends. Just be like, “Would you want to bring so in so with you to the wedding?” DO NOT say it in a negative, “I don’t really want you to” way. Get their honest opinion and then be like, Okay, but if the venue has guest restrictions would you come if I can’t invite so in so?
Post # 6
When you are inviting people to celebrate your relationship it’s not a good idea to judge theirs. It’s not a “plus one” when someone is in a long-term relationship–you are inviting a social unit. The term “plus one” refers to inviting a single person with an unnamed guest.
Post # 7
Your guests and good manners should not be disregarded just because you made a choice to have a smaller wedding and not invite some of your family. They should have been factored into the plans from the get-go.
Post # 8
I had a small wedding (28 people total) and we invited everyone with their partners. We only had 2 truly single guests and we gave them +1s. We wanted all our guests to have a good time and be comfortable.
Post # 9
Thank you for the input everyone! Another point I would like to clarify is that having people we do not know there is non negotiable for us so the question we are currently having is whether or not to invite friends at all or keep it just family and do something with our friends later. So to add onto my earlier questions, is it better to not invite SO or not invite our friends at all? Basically would you rather be invited to a wedding on your own or not at all (keep in mind everyone has known everyone for many many years so theres is no issue of anyone feeling awkward). It may sound harsh but it’s one thing that is important to us.
Post # 10
simplebride2019 : It is straight up rude to invite a friend without his/her long-term partner. Period. If you have made your own non negotiable rule then another option is that you can make the effort to meet these people before your wedding.
Post # 11
simplebride2019 : this is soo rude , I would just skip having a wedding and elope. The fact you say it’s non negotiable makes me cringe. Do yourself a favor and don’t have a wedding. If you don’t put you’re guest first you’re better off just eloping and not hurting anyone’s feelings.
Post # 12
“having people we do not know there is non negotiable for us”
That is bizarre thinking to me. What if your parents were divorced and your Mom lived across the country and had a partner you had not met? Would you exclude your Mom from your wedding because you haven’t met her partner? tell her “Mom, you can come, but your partner, the man who is making you happy , is not welcome.”
Or, would you exclude your Mom because you didn’t want to invite her partner?
Post # 13
simplebride2019 : If your friends are important to you, the people they care about and are in long term relationships with should be invited. If your friends are important to you, the fact that three would have SOs they would like to bring with them shouldn’t mean they’re excluded from your special day.
Post # 14
VintageGirl1020 : I really do not appreciate this comment as weddings are different for everyone. The old fashioned idea that your wedding is about everyone else but you no longer needs to be followed and for that I am grateful. My fiancé and I are very private people who do not like attention, having people we do not know there will make the day more uncomfortable for us which is why we are choosing to make it so small. Big weddings are simply not for everyone and there is no one way to have a wedding. I am posting to get other people’s opinions and am open to hearing them but please do not be insulting.
Post # 15
The day is no longer only about you once you choose to invite anyone else. When you invite others you then become the host of a social event with the responsibility to put the comfort and enjoyment of your guests first. This means inviting their SO’s. If you don’t want to have SO’s there that you haven’t met, then make the effort to meet them ahead of time. If you don’t want to do that, then it would be best to stick with only inviting family and their SO’s than to treat your friends rudely.