Small Wedding – Do I need to offer plus ones?

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I didn’t know my sister’s boyfriend, I only met him once before! But of course we wanted to invite him. She cares about him and I want her to know I care about whom she cares about. Yes, there was a sibling I didn’t invite, but for whom we did invite OF COURSE their loved ones were included.

Post # 17
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

SOs are not plus ones.  They are invited by name.

Just elope.

ETA:  or just invite family.   Don’t be rude and separate friends from their SOs.

Post # 18
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

“The old fashioned idea that your wedding is about everyone else but you no longer needs to be followed and for that I am grateful.”

 

this is not an old fashioned idea.  This is alive and well.  Once you invite guests, it’s about thanking them for attending your ceremony.

Post # 19
Member
9157 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
simplebride2019 :  “The old fashioned idea that your wedding is about everyone else but you no longer needs to be followed” — If you and your spouse (and an officiant) are the only people there, then it’s all about you. As soon as you invite others, it is no longer just about you. This was true in the past and is still true today. If you don’t want it to be about other people, then don’t invite other people. It’s that simple. If you DO invite others, then you need to be considerate of them. Well, you don’t NEED to, but if you don’t you’re being a bad host and shouldn’t get mad when people point that out.

Post # 20
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee

Significant others are a social unit, not a plus one. They must be invited together. If you are that shy, don’t invite your friends if they are in a relationship with someone you don’t know. Easy peasy.

Post # 21
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

If you’re that private then maybe eloping would have been a better option. You don’t get to excuse your inconsideration for guests comfort and disregard for others relationship status by claiming to be a private person. If this is that big of a struggle for you then don’t invite your friends.

Post # 22
Member
3475 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
simplebride2019 :  “My fiancé and I are very private people…” Great. Then keep it private. Very private, as in your fiance, the officiant and you. I mean, you evidently don’t trust your friends’ judgement, since in order to be qualify to receive an invitation, it seems you need to screen their SO or dates first. You also evidently don’t care much about their happiness or enjoyment during your wedding.

Post # 24
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
simplebride2019 :  No – you do not need to offer plus ones. You are at perfect liberty to invite who you want. I think it’s fine if you invite just family and close friends. This isn’t a large, extended, destination wedding – it’s a city hall ceremony and a dinner. (Plenty of people have gone to dinner without their SO.) Extending plus ones to everybody would likely change the dynamic of the wedding. I presume your close friends know your inclination for privacy and hopefully respect it. Plus, I’ve always found it incredibly awkward to have strangers observe marriage vows. While you are under no obligation, I would, however, encourage you to invite SOs of friends you know and like to the dinner, and, in the unlikely event your mother has a partner you do not know, to meet him or her. For what it’s worth, my spouse and I only invited close friends and family to the ceremony and following lunch. We later held a more casual party and invited more people.

Post # 25
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
simplebride2019 :  you came here to get validation and you aren’t getting it.  The responses aren’t rude.

Post # 27
Member
47413 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“I was invited to a wedding this year without my fiancé as it was to a coworkers wedding and she invited a group of three of us. “

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Rather than use your co-worker as a role model, do some research on good etiquette.

Post # 28
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
simplebride2019 :  Everyone’s viewpoint on this differs. Someone posted recently about not being invited to their boyfriend’s cousins wedding even though they have been together for years and currently live together, you should go check out the responses to that thread (I thought for sure I’d be invited, rude or just disappointing?) it’s also under Guests. 

Post # 29
Member
13892 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
simplebride2019 :  If you are talking about mature couples who are in long term, committed relationships, then you should invite the partner no matter how large or small your wedding might be. If it’s a new dating relationship or the couple is not serious and does not live together, etiquette does not require an invitation. 

I don’t know where you got the idea that it’s “old fashioned” for hosts of a wedding or any other social function to consider the needs of their guests. The minute you extend hospitality to others, you have an obligation to them. 

If you don’t want to assume that responsibility or the cost, then elope, or in this case have a family only wedding. 

Your co-worker was either totally ignorant or rude. One never excludes a fiancé. Every etiquette source both traditional and contemporary has agreed on that for generations.

Post # 30
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

While I understand not doing it for budget reasons there’s a good chance they won’t go if they can’t bring their girlfriend boyfriend. 

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