(Closed) Small wedding drama!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@shanana1925:  I don’t attend weddings where I am cut out of the ceremony. I don’t go to weddings for dancing and food, I go to see an exchange of vows.

The only time I find it acceptable is when it’s a destination wedding and the bride and groom chose to be married far away.

Post # 4
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What if you had the small, intimate marriage ceremony and the larger reception on two different days?  That might drive home the point that the two events are separate – one for immediate family and the other for everyone to celebrate the recent marriage.

Post # 6
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@shanana1925:  Well, if you don’t really care if they attend or not because they don’t understand, have the wedding your way.

I don’t understand what the big deal is. On one side you say you don’t care if they come, and on the other, it matter SOOO much.

And your theory on cutting costs of the “big wedding” are kinda backwards. The “big wedding” costs actually stem from the reception most of the time, NOT the wedding ceremony itself. Just FYI.

Post # 7
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Try to find a venue with a capacity of the ceremony size you want. You can then use that as your reasoning to avoid hurting feelings.

I chose a ceremony venue that only holds 60 people. When people have inquired as to why they can’t come to the ceremony, I simply tell them that I found my dream venue, but the price was that we couldn’t have everyone we wanted there, and I hope they’ll still be able to celebrate our day at the reception.

Everyone has been very understanding, and I’ve heard nothing of hurt feelings.

Post # 8
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you have them on separate days, sure.  If I was only invited to the reception, I probably wouldn’t come.  I feel the same way about inviting people to the ceremony but not the reception. 

Post # 9
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@shanana1925:  I’m in kind of the same boat.  My fiance and I have chosen to have a really small ceremony (us, our immediate family, and extremely close friends – it will be about ~20 people).  To start including aunts, uncles, cousins would immediately bump it up to over 100 people. 

My fiance and I are incredibly private people who hate being in front of large groups… so the thought of a very small ceremony with only those absolutely closest to us was most appealing.  I mean, in the past when I have had to get in front of such groups – I get anxiety to near panic attack levels!  I just want to enjoy my wedding to my fiance without that stress.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  We will just have a large reception with everyone we care about where we can socialize with everyone in a more intimate way.

I think the best advice I can give you is just to go with what would make you most comfortable for the ceremony.  If it gives you much anxiety (as it does with me), then why – on one of the most meaningful days of your life – would you want to put yourself through all of that stress?

If we have guests that get miffed and choose not to attend because they weren’t invited to the ceremony… I’m not sure I’ll know what to say.  I’ll be sad that they didn’t come, that’s for sure. All I can say is that in my mind the ceremony is completely about the couple – and if the couple is the type to want something small and very intimate, then they should have it that way.  The receptions I have been to in the past have just been a celebration of the marriage – so you’re inviting people to celebrate with you.  I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to go and celebrate the wedding of people you care about, even if you didn’t experience the ceremony.  It wouldn’t bother me at all to be invited to the reception alone.

Post # 10
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am going to echo the “having the events on different days.” I wouldn’t come if I couldn’t go to the ceremony as well (if it was on the same day)

Post # 11
26 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

Hi sweetheart, my suggestion is not to be bullied by any one else’s pressure. I think it can be selfish if people put across the energy purely  that if they don’t come to everything they aren’t going at all; they should be there to celebrate your love and support you unconditionally. I have been honoured to be a part of anyone’s day however big or small and an having an intimate wedding myself. I would ask the mum who invited them in the first place to appologise and just explain to her family that she misunderstood, and now that if you felt pressure in invite all of yours too the budget etc would spiral too. There’s other ways to involve people; like how about a party the night before too, an informal family barbecueaims something of a semi family reunion to let everyone see one another, share the excitement and have even more reason to make the trip, then keep the ceremony intimate as you wish and invite everyone to the evening as you had always planned! You could also look at doing something else as a family the next day if it suited you; or involving them in another way.. Get a and day edit of your wedding video and show clips at the reception or like me, have a handfasting and get everyone to put a prayer into the cord before its tied; something do they still feel apart of everything and treasured without compromising your fairytale. Love and light for you; evetyrhing will work out for the divine highest good of you and yr hubby 🙂

Post # 12
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My suggestion…have your small private ceremony, maybe have a nice family dinner in a nice restaurant…in April.  In the summer, say August, have a big party to celebrate your wedding, invite everyone.  Don’t have a ceremony or if you do, a short, sweet vow renewel, few minutes.  Don’t wear your dress again (or do if you really want to!), wear something more casual.  Don’t make it a monstrous stressful event, just make it a celebration!  If people truly want to celebrate your love and marriage, they will be there for you!

My brother and his wife did this, because she is military, they needed to get married sooner than later for her transfer papers.  So they had a courthouse ceremony, a quiet dinner, then flew to Costa Rica for 2 weeks after, in eary 2011.  In septepmber, they had a huge cookout potluck gathering, a breif vow renewal, and cake etc.  It was really cool, even though we all knew they were already married, our families flew in from all over to be there to celebrate THEM.  I think it’s all in how you put it out there.

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