Post # 1
This is my first time posting but I need serious help with my small wedding. We’re having it at a small estate that has a 50 person limit (including myself and fiance). There’s only enough space for immediate family and bridal party. There are a few close friends I’m not able to invite because they have families (5 people) and we just can’t do it with the venue limit. I’m wondering how to approach this with them, I’d like to say something because they are really good friends and I wish I could invite them. Also, I know ettiquette says that I cannot invite them to any of the bridal shower or bachelorette party. My bridesmaids mentioned that we might be able to do a pre-wedding weekend and invite these friends who I’m not able to invite to the wedding. Thoughts? I don’t want to offend anyone but my immediate family is 18 of my 25 invites. =(
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
@norcalgirl: Be honest with them. You are having a very small and intimate wedding and unfortunately are not able to extend as many invitations as you had hoped.
Most people are VERY understanding
Post # 4
@norcalgirl: All you can do is tell them the truth and don’t feel bad about it! We also had to skip on inviting some people we normally would have and I think everyone was okay with it. Maybe you and your Fiance could have a big BBQ either before or after the wedding to celebrate with friends! Don’t worry about offending anyone, it’s your day!
Post # 5
There are a few close friends I’m not able to invite because they have families (5 people) and we just can’t do it with the venue limit.
If the reason you can’t invite them is because they have families, and inviting the family would put you over limit, just invite the couple. They can choose to get a sitter or choose not to attend.
Post # 6
Be honest with them. I’m having a small wedding also with just our immediate family. We’re only 16 people with the 4 kids included. We were honest with those we didn’t invite. Although seeing that were buying a house in a few months we would invite our friends and other family to our housewarming instead.
Post # 7
Given your circumstances, i would toss ettiquette out the window. Invite them to your shower and bach party if you want to, just make sure that they know that going to either one does not mean they are invited to the wedding. Then have a party before or after the wedding that they can come to and share some cake and pictures with you.
Post # 8
Thanks for all of the advice! I really appreciate it….it’s so good to have outside opinions. I really didn’t want to do anything that would be considered rude and I also wanted to let them know that they are very special to me.
Post # 9
@norcalgirl: Yeah, I would just kindly explain to them. I mean, there is not much you can do.
Post # 10
@norcalgirl: Your most proper option, is to invite them over to your new home (or newly-marital home) when you return from your honeymoon, for an afternoon tea or a cocktail party or a buffet dinner. It’s the duty of a new wife to promptly begin setting a standard for hospitality in her new home, and inviting old friends is the best way to show them that you don’t plan to drop them just because you are married now.
Post # 11
We had a very small wedding (16 guests!) and we’re having a get-together for our friends in May. Ours is kind of a big thing (5-day weekend in the Keys) but that’s just because our friends are spread out all over the damn world and we wanted to make it worth the trip! You could do anything to celebrate with your friends–a long weekend, a nice cocktail party, a casual backyard BBQ, whatever! I think that’s a fun way to celebrate with them since it’s just not feasible to invite them to your wedding.
Post # 12
I would not have a a traditional bridal shower or bachelorette. I would have a no-gifts-please potluck or a bbq or some sort of engagement party either before or after the wedding, or both. People can bring gifts if they chose, but there’s no registry and no pressure. It’s completely understandable you can’t invite them to your wedding…but I don’t think it’s good etiquette to add “But can I have a gift anyway?”.
Post # 13
You don’t need to invite any of the people not invited to the wedding to any pre-wedding event. That includes engagement parties, showers, and bachelorette parties. If I were you, I’d plan on having your friends over for dinner after the fact. Don’t bill it as a wedding celebration because that may imply gifts are needed. Just have them over for dinner. If you have any photos, maybe have those lying around.
Post # 14
It’s definitely not about gifts…we aren’t even registering. The wedding is in my fiance’s home town so it’s destination for most of our guests. I’m thinking we can do a girls cabin weekend or something instead of a bachelorette/bridal shower. My fiance and I are less traditional because we’re in our mid 30’s and both have children.