Post # 1
Hi bees, first time posting here!
Fiance and I are trying to figure out what kind of wedding to have. It’s both of our second marriages, so we don’t want something over the top. I’ve suggested getting married at the courthouse, but he does want a ceremony and reception/get together to follow. He said having our immediate family there is extremely important to him, which I understand (although if it were up to me I’d just run off to Vegas!)
Problem is, fiances family is HUGE. We’re talking 150 guests at minimum, unless we can come up with an “I’m justing inviting my parents/siblings” type wedding. On top of that, I really don’t want to plan a wedding for 150 people, feed 150 people…you get the drift.
So, does anyone have any ideas on how to throw an intimate ceremony without hurting feelings? Maybe have just a brunch ceremony and cake/punch afterwards? Just have a ceremony and nothing else? A destination wedding is out of the question because my immediate family isn’t able to travel.
I definitely don’t want to start out our marriage on hurt feelings, but think spending upwards of $10k on two second marriages is insane. He couldn’t come up with anything either, so here I am!
Post # 2
sam1023 : A Bee posted photos recently about her ceremony and cake and punch reception; it was lovely! Whatever decision you take, inviting guests for a ceremony and not hosting them after – however simply it may be – should not be an option to consider.
Post # 3
I agree with PP! Could you rent a room at a hotel or restaurant and just serve cake and punch and mingle with everyone? Also could be done at someone’s house if big enough. This way you could accommodate inviting all the guests, but not blow the bank?
Alternatively, you could make it an immediate family only wedding – parents, siblings, and grandparents if you wish. This way you may be able to spring for a sit down meal reception for everyone if your Fiance prefers a more traditional reception. I think most people understand an ”intimate” wedding and shouldn’t be offended they weren’t invited if only the family was invited.
Post # 4
His immediate family is 150 people?
Immediate is parents and siblings. I also argue grandparents. That is it. Cousins, uncles/aunts, etc. Would be considered extended.
The easiest way is to invite in circles until you get to the max. So first circle is immediate family. Then if you are willing to host more, extend it to aunts and uncles. And then first cousins if you want even more. Etc.
Otherwise, you just invite those you are closest to and just stand firm. No one is owed an invitation to anyone’s wedding.
Post # 5
My Fiance and I are having an intimate NYE wedding at my mother’s 1934 house. Both the date and the venue gave us a pretty good reason to keep things small-we are barely going to fit 26 people in her house and NYE is a big event date in our city (the whole downtown area is closed off for an outdoor concert event…southern cities lol). My father is a Notary Public so he is going to perform the ceremony. After champagne and cake we are going as a group to our favorite restaurant for a plated dinner in their private dining room (have to make a $1500 food minimum and we have the room for the whole night!). At dinner we are expanding the group a bit more to some in-town friends and anyone who is hosting a party for us.
Then, in February my Godmother and parents’ friends are hosting a causual, larger party for us at a local hunt club (with indoor/covered areas and a full catering kitchen). This has been the best part-all I have to do is create a guest list!
We both come from large families and everyone has been very understanding. We made sure to hire a great photographer to capture the day for those we couldn’t invite. It has also been nice since we won’t have to worry about some of our more dramatic family members ;).
Post # 6
We had a very small wedding (15 guests, immediate family and two best friends only) and loved it. Low stress, not a ton to plan, and we had our “reception” at a nice restaurant after. We also splurged on a nice hotel room for the night. We did have some family/friends who asked about the wedding, but we told everyone we were keeping the ceremony very small and simple, and everyone seemed to understand. We also had a party afterward (casual tent setup with BBQ and other things) hosted by my in-laws. We had about 75 people come hang out, have a drink and some dinner, and celebrate our new marriage with us. 🙂
Post # 7
claroquesi : Yes, it was me who had a cake and champagne reception, . I highly recommend, just do it at non-meal times and keep it short. I posted it here, https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/champagne-and-cake-only-wedding-reception/ .
Post # 8
We are running into the same problem. First wedding for us, but I would prefer to elope. I have a very small family, but he has a huge group of family and friends and wants all of them there. There are many places that do intimate wedding packages and elopment packages fairly priced.
The other thing we were considering (and maybe this would work for you) was having the ceremony and reception in a state park at one of the beautiful landmark and then just doing BBQ or a pot luck type of reception. For example, the location we were looking at was a Gazebo overlooking a lake surrounded by mountains. It is free to reserve that location and then we just had to supply the food and fun. Still a way to have a wedding, but not to spend the tens of thousands of dollars you might elsewhere.
Post # 9
I don’t get it… can’t you just invite immediate family (parents and siblings/siblings’ families) and call it good? We are both divorced previously and that’s what we’re doing.
If people truly have hurt feelings over that, well they’ll just have to get over it. It’s your second wedding. It shouldn’t be a big surprise that you don’t want to do a huge giant thing.
Do you have a “staycation” type place nearby that you could take everybody? We have a local (1.5 hours away) hot springs small resort that we love to go stay at. We are thinking we’ll get everyone rooms for a weekend and cover a nice dinner one night. For 5 families (2 sets of parents, 3 siblings + spouses and kids) it won’t cost too crazy much. Can you do something like that? Or, yes a brunch or cake & punch recepetion is perfectly lovely!
Post # 10
nani9 : Thank you! I did not remember your username, but I do remember the beautiful photos!
Post # 11
I haven’t been married before but I’ve never been interested in an elaborate, expensive wedding. If it were up to me we would have eloped by now. But my fiance is very family/friend oriented and this is “our” wedding so it took some compromising. Early on in the planning we had lots of discussions about what felt most important to each of us and then we just built a wedding around that. I didn’t want a big show of the ceremony portion so it’s going to be a quick (like 5 minute) I do, Me too, kind of thing in front of immediate family only. We plan to do lunch with them at our favorite restaurant right after and then head over to the in law’s house to prep for a party the same evening so we can celebrate with aaalll of our family and friends, basically whoever wants to stop by (guest estimate at most is about 80 people). We’re hiring one guy to be in charge of the grill all night and cook up burgers and dogs for anyone that wants one. There will be other snacks and desserts available, including a sheet cake. At least 1 keg, a whole bunch of other alcohol options (thriftily collected from Costco). We’re going to set up some beer pong and corn hole and get our favorite jams bumping and that’s our version of “wedding”. The whole thing is going to cost about $2k I think, maybe 3 depending on how cray we get with the booze but that really is the max for my comfort level. We aren’t paying for anything professional basically. So we might not have the pinterest perfect photos but I’m just trying to have a good time and stay stress free! Do whatever you want!! And don’t look on this planning process with so much dread..take the opportunity to develop some solid problem solving skills with your partner as you enter this next phase together <3