Post # 1
I am wondering if there is a way to tell friends that I have been friends with for 10 years that since I am having a small backyard wedding and they live so far away that they are not going to be invited to the wedding. I almost feel like that would take pressure off of them having to fly in for a backyard wedding, but at the same time I don’t want them to think that I don’t want them there because I do. I feel pretty stuck right now. Help!
Post # 3
I had to do that with LOTS of people because we tried to cap our guest list at 50 (we narrowed it down to 54 and the venue holds 75, so it all worked out okay!).
It was uncomfortable and not the greatest conversations, but at the beginning I told them (just in case Susie finds out the date of the wedding, assumes she is invited and buys a ticket out to see me) that I loved them very much, they were great friends, but I was having a very, very small wedding that was going to be almost exclusively family only. Were they thrilled? Not entirely, but they understood.
The only exception I would make to this is to reconsider friends who are more like “family” than friends. Not inviting your best friend of 15 years who you talk to 3 times a week might be a horrible way to end a friendship. Not inviting Jenny who you were friends with off and on for 3 years isn’t going to kill anyone.
Another suggestion is to have a huge bachelorette party or wedding shower. I am doing this so that all of my friends and I can celebrate, because that’s really what the wedding is about for me!
Post # 4
I wouldn’t tell them why you are not inviting them. I wouldn’t tell them how many people you are inviting or whether you are inviting family or friends. I would just tell them you are having a very small initimate wedding and unfortunately you can only accomodate a small number of people.
Post # 6
Thanks! This has given me a lot to think about. I live in Maine and the issue I am having is that some of my close friends from college all live in Colorado and utah and have babies (new born to 10 months old) now. I almost feel guilty asking them to fly out for such a simply small wedding…
if anyone else has any thoughts i would love to hear them. 🙂
Post # 7
@2ndtime: ditto this but I would only say something if asked.
Post # 8
If you want them there to witness your marriage then invite them. Let them decide if they want to make the trip. Don’t downgrade your wedding because it is in a backyard. Some of the most beautiful pictures I have seen have been of “simple” backyard weddings.