Post # 1
So, I’ve made 3 different possible lists of who to invite. I have social anxiety, so I like the idea of a smaller destination wedding and having a cocktail party back home later.
The smaller invite list just includes our immediate family + the wedding party and their partners. The list would be 25 people. I feel waaaaay more comfortable with 25 people. I think I could handle that.
The only thing is, I am worried that aunts/uncles and cousins would be offended if they weren’t invited. The thing is if we invite all of them, it would add another 26 people to the list. I don’t think I could really handle that many people staring at me.
So my question is, if your cousin/ neice/ nephew had a wedding and didn’t invite you, but you were invited to a cocktail party when they got back, how would you feel?
It’s not that I don’t want these people to be there, it’s that I’m worried I will freak out and panic about it. I want to enjoy my wedding, not be anxious the entire day.
Post # 3
There’s a chance you can invite those aunts and uncles and they won’t come to a destination wedding. I’d say that’s safer than just not inviting them.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@memo: I’d be fine with it, you should have the wedding YOU want! Like you said, they’ll see you when you get home! So it’s not like they’re missing out on the festivities alltogether, plus how many of them do you think would be comfortable shelling out for the DW? If asked, they might feel awkward if they have to refuse due to finances.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
So long as you cut the list at a specific level of the family and you stick with it while making sure everyone knows you are having a super intimate wedding, they will get over it. Especially if they know you have social anxiety.
Post # 6
@mchitt329: I’m pretty sure the family on my side would come-they’ve travelled for other weddings in the family. His side of the family all have money. I’m not sure if they ALL would make it, but I know a good amount would
Post # 7
@beachbride1216: It’s a good point. I’ll def. cut out all extended family and keep friends to only bridal party + spouces. Hopefully they can understand. They don’t know I have social anxiety, but maybe I’d let them know when I explain the situation
Post # 8
You may always have a private wedding. You need not invite anyone at all: no-one has a “right” to be invited to any given social event.
That being said, if you get married with no-one at all in attendance, it does give rise to speculation that your parents did not approve and that you and your family have become distanced from one another over the discord. Of course, no-one ought to be saying any of that aloud, since gossip is not good manners. But since etiquette prefers to avoid giving cause for gossip, the presence of your parents and your husband’s parents showing their approval of the marriage is sufficient to meet even the sternest etiquette enforcer’s standard. All other guests are at your discretion.
Post # 9
Fifty people is smaller than my smallest pre-wedding party… It really isn’t that many people! But if it will cause you anxiety, just invite the smaller guest list. If anyone asks, say you wanted to keep it very small, to those you see most often. I don’t think anyone would be offended.
Post # 10
@distracts: lol! I know that 50 people does sounds like a wedding on the smaller side. TBH sometimes in my class (went back to university) we get in groups of 8, and I am anxious to talk infront of them!
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
I don’t think that anyone would be offended if it were a very small wedding and you only invited those that are closest to you. I am slowly working at my guy to go down to 60 people (he originally said he wanted 100) just because I feel so anxious with that many people around. I say do it, just make sure you stick to a strict list.
Post # 12
You should do what you want and are comfortable with. I wouldn’t be offended. We are not able to invite all of our family to the dinner, because our venue only holds 130. I have 80 cousins (including their spouses and kids), so our cousins are invited to the dance/reception only. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone, but I also am not going to let it hurt my feelings if they aren’t there. That’s just the way it goes.
Post # 13
@memo: I was in your exact position a few months. I had 3 list, 2 posibilites. In the end we went with a small 27 person wedding during the week. Its at an awesome location with amazing food. When you close your eyes and envision your day, how many people do you see?
Post # 14
If you explain you’re keeping it extremely intimate, they shouldn’t be offended. My cousin chose to have a very small wedding (about 20 people) and I wasn’t on the list. They explained that they were restricting it to immediate family and select friends only, and no one freaked out. They had the wedding they wanted, and that’s all that matters. My brother suffers from social anxiety too (he probably won’t even come to my wedding of 130 🙁 ) so I get it. The last thing you need to worry about is a wedding day panic attack; wedding planning is stressful enough 🙂 Go small.
Post # 15
I’m doing the exact same thing for our wedding and for similar reasons. Our parents have already spread the word to aunts/uncles/cousins that the wedding will be just for immediate family. A few people were pretty vocally upset about it but understood and were supportive. In the end, I’m very glad that we went this route. I think most of our family is just happy we aren’t expecting/asking them (even indirectly) to travel to a wedding out of state.
Post # 16
We are also having a super small, intimate wedding. We also made two lists: one with immediate family only (15 people) and one with extended family (100 people – yikes!). We decided to keep it small. I don’t want people I want to go away on an awesome vacation with people I love for our wedding, not have to host 100 people I barely know.
There have been a couple relatives who haven’t been happy with this (my uncle, his aunt…) and have outright asked to come anyway. We had to politely say “sorry.” It stinks when you have to turn down someone you care about, but we know that this is how WE want it.