(Closed) Small wedding/bigger wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

There’s a chance you can invite those aunts and uncles and they won’t come to a destination wedding. I’d say that’s safer than just not inviting them.

Post # 4
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@memo:  I’d be fine with it, you should have the wedding YOU want!  Like you said, they’ll see you when you get home!  So it’s not like they’re missing out on the festivities alltogether, plus how many of them do you think would be comfortable shelling out for the DW?  If asked, they might feel awkward if they have to refuse due to finances.

Post # 5
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

So long as you cut the list at a specific level of the family and you stick with it while making sure everyone knows you are having a super intimate wedding, they will get over it.  Especially if they know you have social anxiety.

Post # 8
1696 posts
Bumble bee

You may always have a private wedding. You need not invite anyone at all: no-one has a “right” to be invited to any given social event.

That being said, if you get married with no-one at all in attendance, it does give rise to speculation that your parents did not approve and that you and your family have become distanced from one another over the discord. Of course, no-one ought to be saying any of that aloud, since gossip is not good manners. But since etiquette prefers to avoid giving cause for gossip, the presence of your parents and your husband’s parents showing their approval of the marriage is sufficient to meet even the sternest etiquette enforcer’s standard. All other guests are at your discretion.


Post # 9
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Fifty people is smaller than my smallest pre-wedding party… It really isn’t that many people! But if it will cause you anxiety, just invite the smaller guest list. If anyone asks, say you wanted to keep it very small, to those you see most often. I don’t think anyone would be offended.

Post # 11
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

I don’t think that anyone would be offended if it were a very small wedding and you only invited those that are closest to you. I am slowly working at my guy to go down to 60 people (he originally said he wanted 100) just because I feel so anxious with that many people around. I say do it, just make sure you stick to a strict list.

Post # 12
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You should do what you want and are comfortable with.  I wouldn’t be offended.  We are not able to invite all of our family to the dinner, because our venue only holds 130.  I have 80 cousins (including their spouses and kids), so our cousins are invited to the dance/reception only.  I hope it doesn’t offend anyone, but I also am not going to let it hurt my feelings if they aren’t there.  That’s just the way it goes.

Post # 13
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@memo:  I was in your exact position a few months. I had 3 list, 2 posibilites. In the end we went with a small 27 person wedding during the week. Its at an awesome location with amazing food. When you close your eyes and envision your day, how many people do you see?

Post # 14
4 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you explain you’re keeping it extremely intimate, they shouldn’t be offended. My cousin chose to have a very small wedding (about 20 people) and I wasn’t on the list. They explained that they were restricting it to immediate family and select friends only, and no one freaked out. They had the wedding they wanted, and that’s all that matters. My brother suffers from social anxiety too (he probably won’t even come to my wedding of 130 🙁  ) so I get it. The last thing you need to worry about is a wedding day panic attack; wedding planning is stressful enough 🙂 Go small.

Post # 15
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m doing the exact same thing for our wedding and for similar reasons. Our parents have already spread the word to aunts/uncles/cousins that the wedding will be just for immediate family. A few people were pretty vocally upset about it but understood and were supportive. In the end, I’m very glad that we went this route. I think most of our family is just happy we aren’t expecting/asking them (even indirectly) to travel to a wedding out of state.

Post # 16
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We are also having a super small, intimate wedding. We also made two lists: one with immediate family only (15 people) and one with extended family (100 people – yikes!). We decided to keep it small. I don’t want people I want to go away on an awesome vacation with people I love for our wedding, not have to host 100 people I barely know.

There have been a couple relatives who haven’t been happy with this (my uncle, his aunt…) and have outright asked to come anyway. We had to politely say “sorry.” It stinks when you have to turn down someone you care about, but we know that this is how WE want it. 

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