Post # 1
My Fiance and I have been living together for several yrs and are now “officially” engaged. We talked about eloping for awhile, but ultimately decided it would be nice to just have a small wedding for our immediate family and grandparents. Not a money or family drama decision, just us not enjoying being the center of attention in a huge throng of people.
The problem? No aunts, uncles, or cousins will be invited. The vast majority of our extended family don’t mind at all and wish us the best. However, I have a select few family members who had huge weddings themselves, are very traditional, and may be VERY offended that they aren’t invited (regardless of our all-or-none decision).
I’m planning to break the news to them this weekend. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? How did you break the news to extended family about a small wedding? If they reacted negatively, (aside from standing your ground) how did you handle it, and did it eventually blow over?
Thanks so much, I just hate conflict and am dreading “the talk”.
Post # 3
We had to do this. When we announced our engagement, we told them at the same time it would be a Destination Wedding.
One of our reasons for the Destination Wedding (among many, many others) was that we wanted the small wedding, but didn’t want to have to not invite family members. The family is big, so it would have been much bigger than we wanted. The Destination Wedding allowed us to invite everyone and keep the final number small.
There were definitely reactions, but the ones who complained never did it in our face – they turned to our parents, who only answered that it was our choice and that they were on board with it.
As for how to handle the announcement, I think it’s important to be positive about it, and not defensive. This often only leads to people trying to make you change your mind and playing some kind of guilt trip.
I guess, you already know that the best thing is to stand your ground; and to keep remembering why you are making this choice and why this is the best for you. No matter what you do, some people will find a way to be offended about it, so don’t let them make you feel guilty.
Post # 4
I totally had a similar situation. We ALSO went the destination wedding route but it’s kind of back fired. We moved our wedding to Costa Rica and even rented a huge villa for all our closest friends and family (hoping this would limit the guest list).
Turns out we are very loved and lots of friends and family want to come. So our small 20 person wedding has turned into a small 45 person wedding. BUT our parents have told us that they’d help us pay for the extra people so we’ve just decided to go with the flow…
Post # 5
We had a small side of medium sized wedding, so we didn’t cut too deeply. Somebody’s always going to be upset with any decision you make, so I’m afraid you may just have to suck this one up. As long as you aren’t making any exceptions, I don’t see how anybody can feel more slighted than anybody else.
Post # 6
I was forced into my wedding, but am happy it happened. lol
Same situation; been together for years and wanted a small wedding, but that wasn’t much of an option with our families. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns (and I recommend doing so when they try to talk you out of it!)
You can have the small wedding, explaining that its nothing big since “you’ve been together so long and consider yourselves married already”. And then, what may smooth things over a bit, is have a family gathering at someones house so everyone can say their congratulations to you. Separate it into different families (his and yours, two different parties) so you’re not smothered by large crowds. 🙂
Some people may not ever understand – some will. But, the fact is, its your special day and you both should spend it the way you want. 50 yrs from now when you’re celebrating your anniversary – that’s whats important; your memory of that day. 🙂