Post # 1
I am in dire need of some strategic advice. I am a bad “bee.” I am getting married Oct 19 (that’s a Friday), and have yet to send out the invitations because I am stuck.
Let me also add, though, that I am an encore bride (he’s an encore groom), and we have been telling most people it will be a small wedding.
My coworkers have been very kind to throw me a shower, and even though I was somewhat against it, I am now very excited about it. However, in my very small company that I work for, I have encountered some “why don’t you just go ahead and get married” comments, like something with JOP.
Our courtship has been very short–started dating the first of June, got engaged the first of July, and are getting married next month. We have known each other for 5 years, but only dated for this short amount of time. But what can I say, at 37, when you know, you just know! Some of our long-term but more casual acquaintances are flipping out, which leads to my next point.
The list of people that would actually be supportive and not wishy washy is small (basically family and our oldest friends). Should I invite family only? I thought etiquette dictated that you *should* invite people that were invited to your shower. However, this is only a handful, and with the “go ahead and get married” comments from a few coworkers, is this a rule I can ignore and just have family and my closest friend who is very supportive? I talked to a coworker earlier (she’s the epitome of grace and tact), and she said that she didn’t think there would be a problem with having a very small ceremony, but to ask other bees.
Any advice, been there done that, or thoughts about backlash from this would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
I would do whatever makes you and your Fiance happy. They decided to throw you a shower even though you are having a small wedding I am sure they do not expect to be invited. If it is mainly Family and a few of your very close friends I am sure they will not be offended.
Post # 4
@McFierce: +1. I think most people are understanding if you tell them you’re having a very small wedding with just family. Do whatever you two want and feel comfortable with! If you would rather not have some coworkers who might be judgmental, then don’t invite them. Just stick to inviting all of them or none, at least if they are all pretty social and gossipy, so you don’t leave anyone out.
Post # 5
We had a small wedding (50 people including us). My co-workers threw me a surprise shower 2 weeks before our wedding, but I didn’t invite them to the wedding. Including spouses, my co-workers would have added 27 persons to our small, imtimate wedding. That was not going to work for us, so I made it clear (in a polite, tactful way) that our wedding was small and intimate and we were only inviting family and a few close friends.
As for the people telling you to just to the courthouse and get married, you can ignore them. It doesn’t matter if its your first or fifth wedding, you and your finace can have any type of wedding you want. Invite the people who you love and who love and support you and make your wedding what YOU and your fiance want it to be.
For the record, this was the second time around for me and my new husband and we thoroughly LOVED our quiet wedding.
Post # 6
Thanks everyone for your kind words and encouragement! I certainly feel better about going with the smaller wedding!
Post # 7
Good luck and congrats!! I read your other comment on a waiting bee’s post and it was really lovely advice. I’m happy to see that you’ve found someone so eager to be with you!
Post # 8
That’s very kind of you, and thanks for the good wishes!
Post # 9
Do what you want. Marriage is about the two of you. It is okay to do a very small ceremony. We have ten people plus immediate family coming. My wedding is at work, so there are many coming but not exactly formal guests.
Post # 10
It sounds like a small cermony is right for you. Since the shower was at work, it’s not exactly cut and dry about if you should invite your co-workers or not. Plus, it sounds like you want a small ceremony. Lastly, since your invitations are going out last minute it would probably be best if it’s only those close to you.