- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
(First off just want to say I have another account on here but I made this one to say semi-private)
Like the title says, he steals my money and I don’t know what to do anymore.
He’s 26 and I’m 21. I’m still in college so my mom pays for my rent and groceries and internet etc and my fiance lives with me rent-free and grocery free, etc. My family likes him so she doesn’t have a problem with it, and his family likes me too.
He has a job but doesn’t make that much (17k a year) and is paying off debts and student loans. He really doesn’t pay too much for his bills, like with phone bill included it is like $450 a month. He also smokes, which is why a lot of my money ends up being stolen.
Any time there is cash around, he will take it for cigarettes. For example, if I have $5 in my wallet I can count it on it disappearing eventually. He stole $60 my grandma gave me for Christmas that I was going to spend on the foster kittens. He stole $10 my grandma gave me in a card so he could buy cigarettes and a monster energy drink. He stole $10 another time, I caught him and he claimed it was to do laundry (he out of cigarettes at this point) When we do laundry, he says he needs $20 and then does about $10 worth of laundry and the rest is for cigarettes. I had another $10 hidden behind stuff in my makeup drawer and I’m anticipating on it being gone soon. Whenever I approach him about money being taken he does this playing dumb thing where he’s like “hm I don’t know but I’ll help you find it.” Even after he’s spent it.
A week ago I hid $80 I was saving for a Florida trip to see family. I hid it in a envelope, in a perfume travel case thing under a bunch of stuff and he still found it and spent $20 of it. I was so pissed. I make him pay me back for it and he does but he always does this “playing dumb” kind of sh*t. He came with me to Florida too and like 3 months ago when planning the trip I asked if he could please set aside at least $40 in spending money on the trip. He did, and we put it in an envelope and taped it to the mantle so I’d know if he touched it and also so he would be less tempted to spend it (than if it were in his wallet or something.) He took from that in a matter of days and then I had to buy everything for him in Florida, also because his debit card locked in Florida because he didn’t tell his bank he was going out of town. Even my mom raised an eyebrow and was like “he should be more diligent with his money.” (same thing happened when we went to North Carolina)
And then today, I reached in my wallet to upgrade my website and my debit card was missing! In its place was a fare card we had used in Florida, something that was his responsibility to hang on to and never my possession; it is something that is his and never meant to be in my wallet. Luckily, I have cap one 360 so I can deactivate my own card from my online access. 95% of the time have it deactivated (and then I can reactivate when I need to buy something) because I’m so worried about him stealing it and using it but also because I ran into fraud charges happening before.
I messaged him on facebook while he’s at work and I said “where is my debit card and what are you doing with it” and he did his playing dumb bullshit and when I called him out for putting the fare card there, he checked his wallet and magically my card was there. He said, “wait why do I have it?” And then he said “Wtf. I think I was delirious last night. I swear. I never used it though.” and then “I will bring it back to you. I’m sorry. I don’t really recall why I have it or remember. I’m sorry. I’m starting to go crazy.”
I’m really pissed off because he gets SO MUCH for free and he still has the audacity to feel like it’s not enough, and he has to steal more. I get that he doesn’t make a lot (social work degree) but he doesn’t pay rent or groceries or internet or anything so my mom is really saving him SO MUCH MONEY. Her paying for stuff saves him about an extra $500 more per month and then he goes and does this stealing bullsh*t to me. I find that incredibly disrespectful. He also tries to lie to me about it and always thinks he can get away with it, like I’m some kind of idiot. He rummages the apartment and my stuff for money to support his smoking. When he does get paid, his free spend is gone in 2 days and it’s always on dumb shit he doesn’t need. I glare at him when he buys a new shirt he doesn’t need and I say “I guess I’ll be paying for you cigarettes come Wednesday, right?” and he gets mad and but I don’t care because come Wednesday, he’s asking me for money.
Oh that’s another thing, if he doesn’t ask me for money he tries to steal it. When he asks me for money for cigarettes I give him a hard time about it and make him pay me back when he gets paid. He told me before, sobbing hysterically, that I “make him feel bad about himself” when he asks for cigarette money so he chooses to try and steal it instead.
Also side note he’s frustrated with me because TMI – we don’t have sex very often. Because if I’m not busy or stressed with school then I’m stressed out because he’s stealing from me and I feel gross about that. I’d say we sleep together like 2-3x a week. He told me before him and his ex did it 15x a week and so I know for a fact that I don’t fulfill him, (he told me during a ‘dry spell’ he sometimes has to think about previous sex experiences to get himself off when I’m not giving him sex) but also there isn’t too much I can do about that because I am me and I don’t have a libido like hers. (I’m not on BC pills and the dr says my hormone levels are healthy)
He needs to quit smoking, but there’s nothing I can do about that. He has to want to do it. But he sits around sucking down his cigarettes and talking about how hard it is to quit that I think he’s psyching his self out of it. I am not a smoker and I have never smoked, so I don’t know what it is like but if I sat around thinking about how difficult and impossible something is I would feel worse about the thing. Numerous people have successful quit and while I’m sure it’s challenging, it is also not impossible. He spent a lot of money on patches and gum and vape pens and didn’t follow through with it. I made a smoking cessation board on pinterest of good tips and inspiring stuff but when I mentioned it he felt like I was nagging so I just completely stopped. Nothing will make him as happy as a pack of Marlboros.
I’m sorry this was so long but I never vented about this before and I’m not sure what to do anymore. What would you do if you were me, any advice? 🙁