(Closed) Sneaking off to private dinner–rude or romantic?

posted 4 years ago in Reception
Post # 16
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Several venues I looked at offered this-a private little set up from the rest of the reception where the bride & groom can eat and have time together. It’s not rude, you’re not holding up dinner for your guests. My friend did this & it really wasn’t a big deal. We had no time to eat on our wedding day because I was so worried about saying hello to our guests. I regret not being able to eat the food for our wedding! We had to get McDonalds on the way to our wedding night resort lol do it! Your reception is a thank you to guests yes but having a special moment with your husband is important because it is your wedding!

Post # 17
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

I guess I don’t see the point, but it’s your wedding and you should do whatever it is that you want to do. 

Post # 18
Member
2950 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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littlebear91 :  I personally don’t think anyone is going to miss you guys during cocktail hour. An hour would be plenty of time for my Fiance and I to take some quick pictures and eat a dinner together. If you can work it out to be there by the very end of your cocktail hour I don’t see anything wrong with your plan. 

Post # 19
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Instead of having a full meal when you sneak away, what about sampler platter of the appetizers from your cocktail hour? Our venue did this, once we came back from taking pictures (while cocktail hour was still going on) first we got a sneak peek of the ballroom all set up, then they whisked us away into a smaller room for about 20 minutes with a drink for each of us as well as a plate with all of our passed appetizers since we were missing cocktail hour and otherwise wouldn’t have gotten to taste them. By the end of that time our guests had all gotten settled in the main reception room and we got to do our grand entrance. If you’re not trying to scarf down a full meal you’ll have more time to talk and chill with each other. 

Post # 20
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I think you should definitely do this, it’s very romantic and exactly what a wedding is in my eyes. Give yourselves that time to enjoy it together alone, you deserve it after all the planning and it’s your wedding for crying out loud spend it with your groom. My friend threw a very big lavish wedding and said afterwords that her only regret was that she didn’t get time to spend with her groom to fully appreciate the day, it was always a photp op or people watching your every move and wanting to be part of it.

do what you both want/need, it’s your day 💞

Post # 21
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee

A lot of couples do photos all through cocktail hour or in Jewish tradition the couple usually spends about 30 minutes alone after the ceremony. It’s not weird and exclusionary if you don’t make it weird and exclusionary, you know?

Post # 22
Member
1381 posts
Bumble bee

I guess I don’t understand what you would be doing while everyone else has dinner afterward? Just sit there as you would have already eaten?

Post # 23
Member
3803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think it’s definitely weird and possibly rude. Food is a big part of group celebrations, your reception isn’t really the time to decide you want to go off and eat alone. And as a guest I would be pretty confused if the bride and groom didn’t get served any dinner at their own wedding (and if, when asked, it transpired they already ate??). Plus 20 minutes doesn’t seem like much for a whole dinner, you’ll be stuffing your food down and there’s no point in that. Why not just incorporate a few minutes of quiet time into your photo session, or have a few appetisers? My friend had this beautiful photoshoot done where they had a sort of low table covered in candles and flowers and little treats to eat. 

I don’t really understand all the couples who say they didn’t get time to eat at their receptions! Like, if it was a sit-down meal what did they do while everyone else was eating?? Or if it’s cocktail style how hard is it to grab some stuff? I ate my full 3 course meal and visited all the tables in between courses so I don’t get it!

Post # 24
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

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nonablu :  So, when my BFF was married, it was a buffet style, and she spent the meal time talking to guests and generally making the rounds, I also did rounds and got other details handled for her as things weren’t going as planned. By the time we had a moment to eat, the food was literally gone (cue another thing that went wrong). Her mom rushed out to get some platters and I rushed out to grab some sandwhiches for the bride and groom). It does happen where the bridal party or the bride and groom don’t get a chance to eat. 

It also happened to my cousin. Who had a large wedding.

Post # 25
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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AnonBee2019 :  exactly!

Bee I don’t think you should try to eat dinner, but cocktails alone by the lake sounds perfect to me. 

We’re Jewish and had 15 minutes alone together after the ceremony. We shared food, wine, and tears: both happy and sad. I think it makes sense and you should do it. 

Post # 26
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s a cute idea! It would also give you time to greet guests while they are eating. My only concern would be if you would have time to do that and do photos? Since cocktail hour is typically when the couples do their photos. 

Post # 27
Member
9256 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
littlebear91 :  Rude. These are your guests. Taking a couple minutes together to soak in the feeling is fine, but sneaking off to a private dinner away from your guests is rude and the opposite of being gracious hosts. 

Post # 28
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I get the sentiment, but as others have said your first meal is a celebration and first toast etc would honor those who made the trek. I actually really liked mingling with our guests during our cocktail hour, as that was my only chance to see a few people (we did a first look). If you guys just need a moment, have that 10-15 before you make your grand entrance. Trying to do that with a meal will feel even more rushed. The day is going to fly by, you won’t regret spending the time with guests and you’ll have the honeymoon after. My 2 cents.

Post # 29
Member
1422 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I did something like this but didn’t think of it as “sneaking off” – our ceremony was on site. After the ceremony there was cocktail hour for the guests and my husband and I had a private dinner set up by the venue while the guests enjoyed drinks and heavy apps. It was recommended by the venue as it really was our only time to eat and it was nice to have a little 1:1 time after the ceremony and before the party! We did a grand entrance and joined everyone for the formal dinner and dancing. No one asked where we were. 

Post # 30
Member
2596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

When are you doing pictures?

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