(Closed) Snooped and found out about the proposal

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 18
Member
3250 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I vote not telling and just learn a personal lesson on not snooping.

Post # 19
Member
11424 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
becontent :  I’m not sure! It would feel horrible keeping this from him but it will feel horrible telling him you know, too. 

Why don’t you think about I overnight, weigh the pros and cons. I just feel like if he hears this from someone else, it could do more damage than if you tell him. 

If you decide to say something you could just say “honey I feel horrible but I saw your plans to propose and I got so excited I told my mom and now I feel horrible. I’m just so excited because you’re such an amazing man! I definitely learned my lesson, and I’m sorry.” 

 

Post # 20
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

When considering telling someone about something that you’ve done you should ask yourself WHY you want to tell them…because they deserve to know? because it impacts them in some way? because you want to make yourself feel better? 

In my opinion hurting someone else to alleviate your guilt isn’t a good enough reason, unless there are mitigating factors. 

You did ruin the surprise, but not the proposal. It will be lovely because it will be him asking you to be his wife. Consider it a lesson learned, snooping robbed you of this surprise. Resisting the urge in the future will preserve future surprises!

Post # 21
Member
6878 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Do you want to delay the proposal? That is likely the fallout if you tell him you know and ruined his surprise.

As for keeping a secret, there’s a reason for the old saying, “Two can keep a secret… if one of them is dead.” A secret is no longer a secret if you tell even one other person. Eventually it might come out because of one of them, but at that point you can apologize if necessary. I, personally, wouldn’t want to delay the proposal several more months, as that is what many men would do to try to recover the element of surprise.

Post # 23
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s still possible that your mom or BFF could tell another person, spreading the secret. You don’t know the actual plans for sure until they happen. I’d probably roll with it for now, but I’d definitely tell him after. He’ll probably find it humorous. 

Post # 26
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Don’t tell him, seriously, don’t. Don’t ruin his excitement just to get it off your chest- that’s not very nice. Just carry on like normal- its not like you know exactly when on the trip it will be, right? So there is still surprise there. Just don’t make him suffer because you snooped. It will also just cause problems if you tell him. Just tell your friend and mom how you feel and tell them how important it is for this to stay a secret. Yes, it was a bad idea to blab to them, but its worse to ruin something he’s been planning and hurt him.

Post # 27
Member
5238 posts
Bee Keeper

Noooo don’t say anything, it will hurt him! Plus delete this post and stop snooping. Do a separate post when he does propose so we can say congrats! 

Post # 28
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t snoop or anything, but I had a pretty strong feeling of when it was going to be and I was right. I tried not to let on that I knew to him, but I did tell a friend or two at work. After the fact, he asked me outright if I had any idea it was coming, and I told him I had a gut feeling. He seemed bothered by it (even though I hadn’t snooped at all, it was just my intuition!!), until I told him I would have been very sad and disappointed if it hadn’t happened then. I said I would have been miserable if I had been made to wait longer, especially since I felt so strongly that it was coming that day. After that he was okay, and understanding of how I felt.

Don’t say anything, OP. He might be really upset and put it off, if you do. Also, stop snooping!

Post # 29
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
becontent :  Don’t tell him. I snooped too, and knew he had ordered a ring. I felt bad (but also excited) about it at first. I was still surprised because I didn’t know exactly when or how he would do it, so could answer “yes” when he asked if I was surprised. 

Post # 30
Member
582 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
becontent :  I found out about my proposal too bc he didn’t sign out from his email account when he checked it. 

I never shared it with anyone bc I knew how hard he worked to plan the proposal in Hawaii! 

Don’t say anything to anyone else and definitely don’t say anything to him! 

 

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