SO and I don't agree on how to pay for a future wedding… help :)

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

I had a sililar situation…Long story short, “It is kinda like a “rite of passage” for my parents.  They were gifted a wedding from their parents and they are continuing the tradition by paying for/hosting ours.  They have been looking forward to this and preparing for this my entire life.  We are not getting off scott free.  We will be paying for our children’s wedding to continue the tradition.”  There was more said but it was more situation specific to us.  Basically its not a handout but rather something parents look forward to doing.

Post # 3
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I told my parents to stick it in a bank account for their future grandkids’ education (and that put them into a happy tizzy), and I told my Fiance I’m 100% onboard doing it ourselves but will not be wanting to spend $$$ from our fairly young savings account for one day of our lives. He picked, and being fairly logical about money, we’re now doing a small wedding ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

klr4589 :  what if you agree with him that he/his side pays for all the things the grooms side traditionally pay for (varies by region but i think commonly: rehearsal dinner, cake, and your ring.) and you/your side pays for all the things the brides’ side traditionally pays for.  

 

Post # 5
Member
6604 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

klr4589 :  Why don’t your parents gift you that money for whatever you choose – college savings, house, wedding, etc.  Then spend your own money on your wedding.  I think you may need to knock down your wedding expectations in general as well – sounds like he’s not going to be into spending thousands and thousands either way, to be honest.  He probably wants to spend his cash on things he sees as more practical. Have you two discussed a wedding budget in general?

In my case, my parents have been working hard and saving up for years.  They gift me the allowable amount each year but ask if my husband is okay with it every single time.  They don’t want to step on his toes or make him feel lesser because they have this opportunity.  I believe this gift will keep happening until they have gifted us as much as they did my sister for her house.  If he felt insecure about it, however, they’d find some other way to acknowledge us out of respect.  His parents, alternatively, send us a 20 in the mail once in awhile – they’ve got a lot more children to lend a hand to, so it’s just a “thinking of you” really.

As far as the wedding went, we wanted to pay our own way, so my parents contributed drinks only and his bought brunch the next day.  Neither spent more than a couple of hundred.  Again it was a “thinking of you” not a “we will take care of you,” and we could all feel good about that.

Start compromising now – that’s what being married is all about!

Post # 7
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I agree with the comments above just talk everything out so you both have a clear idea of what ou want and a budget.

My Fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves for the fact that we didn’t want to ask anyone for help because that in itself can get messy with the i did this or i did that comments… My mom has offered to pay for certain parts of the weeding and we have told her yes.. so maybe that could be the compromise having them “gift” certain things. 

Hope this helps ๐Ÿ™‚

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