Post # 1
I can’t really explain it but, I am so effing angry at my husband! My life depends on his schedule. When he is ready for things. When he is done with things. I want a house and a child. I have to wait on him to be ready. Fine. Understandable. But what I am getting really frustrated about is all the small things. He graduates in a month and so while he is going to school and durring and between classes, hanging out with friends and going to his internship where he fully admits they joke around the entire day, which sounds awesome, I am at home… alone. Keeping up with the apartment and our animals or sleeping because I am busting my ass between two jobs taking every hour I can get and most of them being night shifts. The weekends, if I have them off, are the only time I get to spend with people and go out and actually do things. He, on the other hand almost refuses to. He wants to stay home in the same apartment I am stuck in all week. And that is if I am lucky! Usually, like tonight, he goes in and works even more on a project that he promised me would be done by now and all the extra time he put in this semester would give us a month of weekends and maybe a couple weeknights together. I am mad because all my work has left my social life in shambles. The friends I did have either are too busy, we have drifted too far apart, or live too far away and I don’t have time to go out and find new ones. I am angry because my life is at a stand still waiting on him to “be ready” for things and to graduate and get a job before I can use the degree I busted my ass for… I am angry and I am tired of being angry. And I needed to get that out.
Post # 3
@Mrs Hedgehog: *hugs* PHew. I’m sure it feels good to get it all out. Sorry that you’re having frustrations right now. Have you tried to sit him down and just talk about it? Maybe if you can talk to him and just express how sad you feel (the key is the I comments rather than you), he might understand how much you miss him and how important that time together is for you and try to shift his focus a bit.
I hope he comes around, or that this works itself out. Some weeks/months are just much more stressful than others. Maybe reconnect with some of your old friends again and just try to stay busy. I hope that this passes over soon.
Post # 4
@Mrs Hedgehog: I am so sorry you’re going through this. I can somewhat relate, but not entirely. I just know what it feels like to be “stuck” in said apartment. I actually was really depressed about that last night. FI worked all week so he was tired. He didn’t want to do anything. He wanted to relax. Granted, I can understand that, but I am home 5 days a week in said apartment. I cook, I clean, I sit. I don’t have many friends around here either. I tried making friends at work, but we’re all on different schedules. I have no family around here. Nothing and no one. It sucks. I actually reminded Fiance last night that all I have is him.
Anyways, I didn’t mean to turn this about me, but simply to relate. I wish I had great words of wisdom for you. I wish there was something more I could do. I am here for you always though. I’m glad you decided to vent it out instead of exploding on Fiance last night as I did.
Post # 5
@indibee: I have told him and he knows… he says he just can’t do anything about it right now and he is really sorry but, and I feel terrible for saying this, “sorry” wont fix it.
@Rouquine: Sorry you are going through that! I feels good to know I am not completely alone but I hate that somebody else feels as stuck as I do. So, thanks! and sorry! at the same time. lol
Post # 6
I’m sorry. I’m more the Fiance in the situation than you. I went to grad school and my ex-bf did a lot of the work cooking (he enjoyed it) and cleaning for us. I just found myself working alot on weekends/nights – it’s how I focus best (and it was a hard program so it was a lot of work overall). But I do feel for you at being “trapped” inside on the weekend. Try to join things so that you can get out on the free weekends, even if he’s not able to join you (and maybe he’ll learn). Also, if you prioritize things and tell him X activity is really important, that ought to help.
Post # 7
ahhh we had this fight yesterday!
Fiance works 10+ hr days during the week, and on weekends when we finally have time to do stuff, it is like pulling teeth to get him out of the house, usually results in a fight, and he says he wants to stay home in the house that I am stuck in all week alone since he isn’t there!
The only thing I can do when he is like this is to wait, let him know I’m dissapointed, and he eventually comes around. I just make sure I have enough to do on weekends so that if he doesn’t want to go out, I still have things to keep me busy.
Post # 8
My husband and I just had this fight yesterday too! It’s sucks when you and your SO have totally different schedules.
With us, he’s out doing things all week, where as I just work and then come home in order to make sure that the dog is walked and dinner is ready, so then when the weekend comes around, I want to go out and have my fun, but he just wants to stay in and recover from the week. BORING!
I don’t have any advice unfortunately, because it’s something I’m struggling with too, but I did want to say that I’m sorry you’re in this position, and I hope you feel better! HUGS!
Post # 9
I totally feel your anger;
See if there is a way that the two of you can talk about this, but not at home, not after a long day at work, not if you both have a million things to do.
I would recommed you to plan a weekend retreat with him or a weeklong one where you guys have time to rest and then to talk about these things. Sometimes is just routine getting the best of us.
I just went on a cruise with my husband and it was very relaxing and allowed us to just care for one another; I mean we didn’t have any other place to go… we where on the middle of the sea.
Best of luck!
Post # 10
My husband is military and I just graduated in June from Teachers College and was actually able to get on a board here – I was 1 out of 4 in my graduating class to do so. Well I had to quit teaching right now because daycare is expensive and I wasn’t getting enough hours. Now I am working full time as an administrative assistant and I feel like my degree has gone to waste.
Well we had our son when I was in univeristy (not planned). I really want just one more and because we are military and moving a lot, I want my son to have someone else that can move with him. Well my husband doesnt want one more right now. Our son is 3 already and I dont want 7 or more years between them when he does decide he is ready. I feel like I am entirely on his schedule now. I could accept the fact that maybe I had to put my career on hold, but now I don’t get to decide if and when we have another child either. I have to admit I have been really really down about this lately. It feels entirely unfair.
I guess I just want to feel like I have an equal part in “our schedule”. He already works some crazy hours and is tired on weekends when I want to go out and do stuff. Well at least I am not the only one…..I just don’t want it to bottle up and then I end up resenting this life.