Post # 1
Just quickly need your opinion. So my boyfriend is currently traveling with his family (brother and parents), for a week and a half. After that, I’ll meet him, his brother and his brother’s friend in another place and we’ll spend another 6 nights together, traveling around. We have a group chat to plan the whole thing and my bf and his brother aren’t saying a lot because they don’t care much and think whatever we decide is fine- So I made it clear in the group chat that I want two seperated bedrooms for the trip and NOT one where the four of us sleep. I don’t know, I think I’m too old to share a room with four people and I want to have a room with my boyfriend alone. Partly because of sex, but mainly because of privacy. If I have those two other guys in the room I will always have to go change in the bathroom, and also I know they snore like crazy. The places we’re going are pretty cheap, so it’s not like two seperated rooms would be too expensive. Plus, we’re all working, no students on a low budget.
So I sent a couple of airbnb suggestions of nice, not too expensive little houses with two seperated bedrooms, and everyone in the group chat says they look fine and we can book one of those. I asked if they want me to book it, and the brother’s friend said ‘No worries I can book it later with my account’ and I said ok. Then, a day later, he messages the group chat saying that he just booked a place, and sent the link to it. I check it and it’s a tiny studio, not one of the places I sent. It’s a BIT cheaper, but not much cheaper than the places I sent. But then again, it’s only one room, not what I wanted. And now it’s already booked and apparently it has a strict cancellation policy. I was pretty annoyed, but accepted it anyways, because it’s ‘only’ for two nights. The other 4 nights we haven’t booked yet, so I said in the group ‘Ok that’s fine but can we please book two seperated rooms for the other days’ and I only got a reponse from that brother’s friend saying ‘Umm ok if you want to. It’s just that I rather save some money’.
I told my boyfriend that I’m annoyed that he just booked it against my wishes and while my bf isn’t on his side, he couldn’t care less where we sleep. He says I’m making a big deal out of it, and that we’ll have enough time just the two of us after the trip, when we’re back home. That’s not even the point. Now I feel like a b*tch that I’m the only one who seems to care about having seperated rooms, and I wonder if I’m really overreacting.
Post # 2
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing a room with two other guys either. The room should be a place where you can unwind and relax. I would probably reply to the message “Hi, I’m a light sleeper and it’s important to me to have two rooms so that we can all enjoy the trip. If you had run the studio by me before booking I would have said no – I’m going to book a separate room for Boyfriend or Best Friend and I for the first two nights, and for the last four, let’s please find a relatively cheap place where we can stay together with two rooms. Here are some suggestions.”
Post # 3
Hmm it’s a tough one.
I’d definitely want separate rooms as well, but it seems like it’s a family trip that they’ve invited you to, and therefore I think you need to go with the flow. It depends what your relationship with his family is like really. How are they likely to react to you calling the shots?
Post # 4
Soton85 : But it’s not really a family trip- His brother’s friend is coming too, and his parents are not coming. My bf is already traveling with his parents and brother now, and that’s why I didn’t join for that part of the trip, because I thought they might just want some time together the four of them. This next part of the trip is different, and bf has explicitely asked me to come and plan with them.
Post # 5
Yeah I wouldn’t want to be staying in the same room as the other two. Boys don’t tend to care about this sorta thing so I don’t think you’re overreacting at all! Stand your ground and book two separate rooms!
Post # 6
veleniza : I understand why you are annoyed. If it was for one or two nights I wouldn’t mind sharing a room with others, but if it’s for just shy of a week – then some privacy would totally be my priority.
Out of curiousity, what is the price difference between your suggestion and his per night? You say it’s a bit cheaper, but if it’s say $100 cheaper per night, then I understand his reasoning a bit more.
I also think it’s totally rude to book a place without the others confirming. I would find a place for just you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend for those two days (or suck it up for those two days if it’s going to be too much drama) and just book a nice place with two rooms for the rest of the trip.
Post # 7
In general, if you’re the one who wants more expensive accommodations, it’s nice to offer to cover the difference. There’s nothing wrong with being pickier than others, but you shouldn’t ask them to pay for it.
It was really rude of them to book a room that didn’t meet your requirements without running it by you, but I’m not sure it’s worth fighting over. Yes, you could book your own place for those two nights, but at what cost to the relationship?
Post # 8
veleniza : How old are you all? Are you the only female on the trip?
I would want a separate room as well, but MOST guys get this and usually push to have different rooms with their significant other. Unless the guy is young…
Also, if you are the only female on this trip, the other guys may think of you as crashing the trip. They could care less if you go or back out.
Post # 9
I would be pretty pissed if I made it clear I wanted my own bedroom and someone went and booked a studio without mentioning it. Especially since it sounded like everyone was okay with the more expensive one. It seems like he offered to book the place so that he could disregard your wishes.
Your reasons for wanting your own room are perfectly valid. I would also be frustrated staying in the same room as three guys if it meant getting worse sleep and always having to change in the bathroom. I say put your foot down about the rest of the accomodations, but make sure you get your Boyfriend or Best Friend to back you up first.
Post # 10
i would push the privacy issue. i would not want to be sharing a sleeping room with 2 guys i don’t know well. and why should you have to go to the bathroom to change, well i guess everyone will if they don’t want to change in front of you.
your bf should back you on this and not be a pushover to his friends.
Post # 11
I think they’re not being very considerate of you, your request isn’t unreasonable and yet they seem to be placing saving a few bucks (when budgets aren’t super tight) over your comfort. It’s your trip too, you shouldn’t be expected to simply go along with whatever they decide.
I do agree with ajillity81 : that your boyfriend needs to show some backbone here. Maybe he’s totally chill on whatever plans are decided and doesn’t really care what the sleeping accommodations are- BUT when his girlfriend expresses a clear preference and his brother & friends don’t seem to give a rat’s ass what you’d prefer, that was his cue to step in. He’s leaving you on your own to either come off as the bad guy in this or to have your preferences ignored, not fair.
Post # 12
Id book a hotel for myself. No way would I stay in a studio with that many people.
Post # 13
Book the place you want for the next 4 nights
Post # 14
I just want to note that if this were a wedding issue, NO ONE would be saying that it’s okay to set someone else’s budget for them based on your perception of their finances.
Post # 15
veleniza : Ah ok, sorry I misunderstood. Agree your bf should step in. It’s definitely not an unreasonable request.