(Closed) So annoyed at DH – am I wrong?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

OP, I don’t think you’re in the wrong and loyalty to the spouse trumps friendship especially in this instance. I don’t know if I can give any advice in this instance but wow, the smoking. Has there been an intervention to stop her?

Post # 3
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
LaPetiote :  I would absolutely not be okay with that. Of course it’s important that your DH honor his friendship, but you two are married, and he shouldn’t be repeating things to his friend. Frankly, it sounds like he’s gossiping. I don’t really have any advice, except to talk to him, but I would be upset too!

Post # 4
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
LaPetiote :  your DH is definitely in the wrong, I would hate to have to monitor what I say around my husband

Post # 6
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

My fiancé is the kind of person to tell everyone everything, and I’ve sometimes been a little embarrassed by the things he’s repeated to his parents. It’s nothing scandalous, just stuff I’d have rather kept between us. Now, I make sure to tell him very clearly “Please don’t tell your parents this” before or after I say something that I’d rather keep private. He’s very respectful of that and it’s worked well.

If I were you, I’d do the same thing with your husband in the future and make it clear when a conversation is private. Yore right to be frustrated, but for some people it’s just not a given that certain info shouldn’t be shared. There’s not much you can do about this particular situation, but it can be fixed in the future. 

Post # 7
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
LaPetiote :  While I think your husband probably shouldn’t have said anything, I kind of don’t think you should have either, which is what got it to that point.  “oh, friend is still smoking and I mentioned it to her husband so he knows” is about as far as that conversation should have gone, even if it was with your own husband.  Once you started bringing that man’s feelings into the conversation, it was totally time for his buddy (your husband) to check up on him.  But now that guy is probably embarrassed about the whole situation and bring it full circle back to you.  Natural consequence and I think your best bet now is to let it go.  IMO it’s a non-issue.  Friend doesn’t even seem mad, exactly, just pointing out that you’re maybe butting in a bit too far.  Take the hint and next time keep private aspects of conversations mostly private to save a lot of unnecessary fuss.

Aside to anyone who gets annoyed with my answer – Yes, I know many women tell their husbands everything.  But the basic info could have been shared without the nitty-gritty private details that led to the next conversation occurring.  Hindsight’s 20/20, I’d have likely said too much myself.

Post # 8
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Your DH is in the wrong. Loyalty to spouse trumps loyalty to friend every time. 

Post # 9
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Your DH is wrong. I would be livid if I were in your shoes. He should be loyal to you over his friend- you are his spouse. You need to have a talk with your husband… you said nothing wrong and he was wrong to share a conversation between a married couple with a third party, regardless of who the third party is.

Post # 11
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
LaPetiote :  I do think the message group is weird and a bit PA.  I wouldn’t be cool with how he chose to make that point.  I would absolutely have a discussion about what he did there, b/c it’s very disrespectful.

Post # 12
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
LaPetiote :  tbh this is worse….he opened a What’s AP and said that with the friend reading it? I think that’s a bit disrespectful and taking it to another level- THAT would make me mad. 

Post # 13
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

I would be bothered too because I feel like my Fiance is the one person I can confide in without worrying about him repeating it to anyone. I get that your DH probably reached out to his friend out of concern but I think he could have handled it a different way. Immediately contacting him to tell him what you said probably made him feel worse. It would have been better had he waited a couple days and asked how he was doing and slyly brought up the smoking. “Hey, how is X’s pregnancy going? Has she been able to kick the smoking habit?” I don’t think your DH had intentions of throwing you under the bus, but maybe just explain to him that you weren’t trying to gossip and that you would hate for his friend to feel like he can’t talk to you about sensitive topics. I would just ask him to be more mindful of how he uses delicate information you provide him.

Post # 14
Member
3067 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
LaPetiote :  yeah I would have been annoyed too- Wife trumps friends. sounds like you two were not on the same page

The topic ‘So annoyed at DH – am I wrong?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors