(Closed) So annoyed, maybe I’m being irrational but …

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

You just need to a take a few deep breaths and talk this over with your Fiance.  I’m sure he thought he was being funny (I hope the Pretty Woman thing was a joke), but he’s at work and he probably doesn’t want to talk wedding talk.  My husband was the same way during planning, unless it needed to be decided at that moment he didn’t want to be bothered with it at work.  Talk to your Fiance see if this is how he really feels then dedicated certain days to wedding talk  after work, or during designated times so that you can spend the rest of your time together being a couple.  Remember the wedding is one day, one bright beautiful glorious day, but he will be your husband forever.

Good luck!

Post # 4
278 posts
Helper bee

Perhaps he doesn’t enjoy seeing you all too serious about wedding stuff.  It turns a lot of men off.  I understand the frustration but agree that you should take a step back and try again.  Not talking to him doesn’t make the problem go away.  Some FI’s just aren’t too into planning their own wedding unfortunately.  :/

Post # 5
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My fiancee (now husband) made me crazy with this exact topic. Neither of us are big music people, and I would go through iTunes and the radio searching for the perfect song. I would find some, play them for him, direct him to "listen to the words" and when I asked what he thought he would say he wasn’t really listening! I would tell him that lots of grooms demand to take over the music selection, but he could care less.

My advice? Just pick a song you like, and say this is what we are playing. He will be fine.

Post # 6
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you’ve gotten some great advice from the posters above.  For what it’s worth, though, the song definitely predates the movie–Roy Orbison wrote it for his wife who I believe later was killed in a car accident (sadness!).  I’ve always found Roy Orbison songs so romantic…

Post # 7
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

and it means he thinks you are pretty… (well of course) but that is what he was trying to say i bet. guys don’t get the subtle- they hear pretty woman and they think- pretty woman. not Julia Roberts. 🙂

Post # 8
108 posts
Blushing bee

Oh girl, I feel your pain.  One night my Fiance calls me into his office to play me a song for our first dance.  Looking all proud, he proceeds to play…… wait for it……. ‘It ain’t over till it’s over’ by Lenny Kravitz. I think turning it down hurt his feelings, but hello– the song talks about pain and tears a million times, and even has ‘it’s over’ in the title!  In his mind, the song just had a catchy, swingy beat.  He likes Lenny and thinks no one will listen to the words anyways. *Sigh*  Silly men…lol.

 On a more important note– if you’re like me, I can see your feelings being more hurt by the manner in which he rejected your choice, not that he didn’t like your song.  My Fiance is guilty of this a lot, and we had to sit down and have a talk.  I explained to him that I welcome his opinions and definitely don’t expect him to agree with me all the time.  But importantly, if I am bringing something to his attention, it is bc I’ve already given it a lot of thought and might be invested in the choice.  He is free to disagree, but I only ask that he is gentle about it (instead of ‘Ooh, that’s UGLY!!’).  Having him be better about it is still a work in progress, but at least we’re communicating! 

Best of luck with your situation!  ((((HUGS))))


Post # 9
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe he was feeling upset since you shot down the song he was suggesting.  I think maybe you should approach this subject with more tact next time, since he was trying to be sweet.  A man probably doesn’t associate that song with the movie.  Listen to the lyrics, it really is a sweet song if you ignore the movie.  He may have overreacted to your song suggestion because he felt so hurt by your reaction to his.  I would take some Premisyn, maybe some St. John’s Wort (or Relacore works well too) and just calm down a bit.  Talk about why you are upset, but not talking doesn’t really help anything, it just muddles communication.  (He won’t even know why you’re mad in a week!)

Post # 10
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Google the lyrics to "Pretty Woman" — they’re actually really sweet!  Like frugal_faye said, the song predates the movie by like 30 years, and there’s nothing in the song about the "Pretty Woman" being a hooker.  I don’t blame you if you can’t get past the "Pretty Woman" movie and still don’t want that as your song, but it might help you feel better to read the actual words, I’m sure your Fiance wasn’t thinking about the movie when he suggested it. 

He could have turned down your suggestion more gently, but honestly, it sounds like you could have been more gentle in saying why you didn’t love his choice too.  So take MightySapphire’s advice, see if you can de-stress a bit, and then later you guys can try again to find something you both like!

Post # 11
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

It’s okay to be upset if you’re under stress, but not talking to him for a whole week is definitely irrational! Try to relax, try to be empathic and understand where he is coming from, and say no if you must but try to be kind!

Post # 12
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like he was trying to be sweet….I totally don’t think of that movie right when I hear that song. So I do think you did overreact, so talking to him would be a good thing. And a lot of guys just aren’t into planning weddings….my husband isn’t whatsoever!

Post # 13
773 posts
Busy bee

I don’t really understand why you’re so mad.  So he didn’t like the song you suggested– you didn’t like the song he suggested either.  I hardly think that’s something to give him the silent treatment over.

Post # 14
119 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t understand the problem with that song. It was written dozens of years before that movie. And it has really sweet lyrics.

Also, it seems like you just have different taste in music. You didn’t like his song. He didn’t like yours. I don’t see what there is to get so upset about. Seriously, you’re going to marry this guy and you’re threatening not to speak to him for a week over a song, which is so unimportant in the grand scheme of life and marriage together.

Take a deep breath and realize how silly this fight is.

Post # 15
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I can kind of understand the whole I’m SO MAD I won’t talk to him for a week thing right now.  I’m just about on my period too and every little thing he does right now (along with the kids, my boss, etc) are just one more thing that makes me think I’m about to break.  Last night we got in a huge fight over a little thing and wouldn’t talk to him, then he started watching a movie and I freaked out when he asked me 30 seconds in if I wanted to come down and watch it too.  Do I want to watch a movie that’s already started (all be it only 30 secinds)? NO!

I admit I get really irrational when I’m about to be on my period (I don’t know why) and the additional stress of the wedding planning, or work, or in our case our kids really gets my irrationality through the roof.  Good luck.  Just telling him how you’re feeling.

Post # 16
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That song was written like 30 years before the movie came out it is not about a hooker and isn’t “from the movie”-the movie used the song. Maybe it’s because I’m older (well,32) but I don’t associate that song with the movie as I heard it a bazillion times way before that movie ever came out.

Also-I would forget worrying about a song, and worry about the fact that you are so mad at your future husband over something so small. What is going to happen when you have REAL issues to work out?

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