(Closed) so annoyed with DH and MIL right now…

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If he has been an employee for atleast 12 months, taking time off for the birth of his child is covered by FMLA and he CAN NOT be fired!  He is entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave.  He does need to give his employer advance notice though.

Post # 5
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

from what you’ve shared here, it sounds like he was brought up with a never call out of work/school mindset. remind him that you get leave for a reason — to use it. try not to be angry with him, it honestly just sounds like how he was raised to think. 

Post # 6
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If he has paid leave that is available to him, they have to pay it to him while out on FLMA.  When the paid leave availble to him has run out the rest of any FMLA leave is then unpaid.

He just needs to talk to his HR rep and they will explain to him all the PTO he has available to him and how it will work with FMLA.

Post # 7
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’m guessing you are due soon and he really needs to make this decision.  Does he have any vacation time built up?  My Darling Husband won’t be taking FMLA leave (we need the income) and he doesn’t get paternity leave from his company so he will take a week or two of vacation to help me.  Darling Husband will use his sick leave when baby is sick or has doctors appointments since his company policy allows for that kind of use of his sick leave.  My company doesn’t give any sick leave so mine is all PTO/vacation or I make up the hours once I’m back at work.  It sounds like vacation may be his only choice for taking time off since my general understanding of what many sick leave or family illness leave wouldn’t include paternity leave.  Is your husband’s policy on family illness leave fairly lax and can it include paternity leave?

Post # 8
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My Fiance is like this and it KILLS me. so annoying. I can’t really offer any advice, because I just get mad and then pout and it doesn’t do anything except make us so miserable (I’m a brat sometimes) but I can totally sympathize! I do try to explain to him how important it is for him to take off the days instead of just demanding, but in your case it seems self-explanatory! Good Luck!

Post # 9
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My fiance is a teacher and he hates taking time off beacause taking time off makes his job harder in terms of having to refocus the children and clean up whatever messes the sub has made, dealing with discipline issues while he was gone, having to reteach some concepts that the sub couldn’t or didn’t cover, etc. So, I can understand why he may be reluctant to take the time off especially if he’s under the mindset that he isn’t the one having the baby and therefore shouldn’t be taking time off.

However, have you explained to him how much you will need his help the first week or so after the baby comes.  He’s a guy. Maybe he doesn’t understand that those first couple of days are HARD and that it’s a 2 person job (and sometimes it feels as though that isn’t even enough 🙂 ).  Plus you need that time to bond as a family.

Maybe you need to ask him to call a meeting with the HR person at the school and have them explain to him how FMLA/leave time works.  It’s illegal for them to fire him for taking time off.  Especially if he has vacation time.  Most school districts give 60 days unpaid leave time not including weekends or school holidays, but even if he doesn’t want to go unpaid he can take all of his paid sick leave.

 

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your Mother-In-Law should stay out of it IMO !

Post # 11
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Our home and the two acres it sits on

I think the issue isn’t that he doesn’t know what to do, but that he’s dreading doing it – and you’re getting frustrated that he’s not doing it… but again, not that he doesn’t know what to do, just that he’s putting it off.

Egads, does it feel like wedding planning all over again?

Try giving him very factual and not-a-big-huge-talking-about-it-deal deadlines.  “Hon, so that I don’t lose my mind with stress, I need to know within the next two weeks when you’re going to take time off.”

Then a week later, “Sweetie, I’m really looking forward to knowing next week when you’ll be taking time off.”  (If he’s like mine, he’ll roll his eyes at the obviousness of what you’re doing, but whatever.)

And then if he doesn’t do it, tell him how disappointed you are that he wasn’t able to get this thing done so that you could have one less thing to worry about, what with growing a baby and all, and drop it.

I suspect he’ll get around to doing it, but as long as you’re pushing him/ discussing with him, he gets to pretend he’s doing something about it by arguing with you!  Don’t give him anything to push back against!

(Also, really, MIL?  Sheesh.)

Post # 12
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law was the same way when I was preggo. But luckily FH was really supportive and he actually ended up taking a month off. Every single time we saw her, she’d go on and on and ON, about how she and FH were gonna get fired b’cuz I was giving birth. Um, wtf? How about you and your crazy butt stay at home please.

That was not advice in any way, I’m sorry! 😛 But I can totally relate to you here!

Post # 13
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Unbelievable!  yes Mother-In-Law needs to stay out of it! It’s quite frankly none of her business. 

 

When are you due?  maybe you will have your baby on a Friday?  and he can take a Monday off?

How long do you want him to take off?  Just curious.

and the poster who said “that he cannot be fired” is absolutely right.  but if you aren’t asking him to take like a month off after the baby, then it wont matter.  If its only a few days, what is the problem? 

why does his mom even care? 

just curious about all this stuff cuz i’m nosey… LOL

Ronney

 

Post # 14
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

wait, just noticed this was from 5 months ago…  well, how did everything turn out?

Ronney

 

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