Post # 1
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
I love my Fiance dearly and I want to marry him. However, I hate wedding planning. I hope some of the bees have some advice for me!
Fiance and I had a plan to get married at Church A and have the reception at Venue A. When FI’s father passed, Fiance made it clear that Church A and Venue A reminded him too much of his father and he’d be uncomfortable utilizing those places. I’m completely okay with this.
I am not, however, okay with Fiance now shooting down every idea about a new reception venue. He is hellbent on keeping our 9.24.11 date. Well, here we are 9 months out, ALOT is booked up already. So he’s shot down several ideas (that I spent time researching) for different venues but he hasn’t offered any alternatives. I’m feeling like the clock is ticking for getting any sort of decent venue (I’m sure the American Legion would still be available but neither of us are interested in this particular post’s facilities).
Because we’re planning a wedding in NY from KY, we need to make some decisions soon and get a trip up to NY in the works. I don’t like the idea of signing a contract for a venue sight unseen and he knows that.
I feel like I’m pulling teeth trying to get him to give me suggestions. I can come up with stuff all day long but all he does is shoot it down! HE is the one who wants a wedding (I’d prefer to elope) and it’s in his hometown. I need his help on this!
Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
I wonder if a lot of what he’s doing is just him taking out his emotions on you. That sucks! Maybe pick two that you like and basically say “it’s this one or this one which do you like more? And neither is not an option.”
Post # 4
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
what part of NY are you looking to get married in?
Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Talk to him and let him know that if he doesnt like your suggestions he has to come up with some suggestions of his own
Post # 7
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
That sounds so frustrating! On one hand you want to make sure he’s happy, but on the other he’s being unreasonable if he is just shooting all your suggestions down while not contributing anything.
I would ask him to please go find a few venues he is interested in. If he does not, I would pick a few of the options you’ve figured out and ask him to pick one and that’s that.
Post # 8
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
He may be feeling uncomfortable about getting married–celebrating–after his father’s death and instead of dealing with those emotions he’s taking it out on your venue. As pp have mentioned, you need to talk with him.
Post # 9
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
I have talked to him and asked him to come up with suggestions, but he’s putting it off. He says it should be a new year’s resolution. I’m just really worried about keeping the date and being able to book the venue, a different church, a photographer, a DJ, a caterer, etc. A quick look at a few venues confirms my worries about them being booked up, I can’t imagine what the photogs will be like. I don’t want to sound heartless but if he wants that date (and he does, “hellbent” was no exaggeration) he needs to help me make some decisions.
I told him that I was fine with pushing the date off but he wants to keep it. I can’t imagine feeling like celebrating but HE wants to keep the date. (Nothing is booked, only my dress has been purchased) We won’t lose out on anything by pushing the wedding back a little or by changing the date to secure the new venue.
Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee
The perfect venue wouldn’t mean anything if significant people in your life weren’t going to be in presence; maybe that’s why he keeps turning down your suggestions for churches and venues. Losing his dad is a significant loss and great deal of sorrow. In your fiance’s eyes, his dad is the best source of advice and example of how to be a good husband and father and he’s not going to be there to give your fiance advice at a significant point in his life. Engaged to be married is a big transition, adjusting to life after the death of a loved one is a big transition too. Be patient with him and his family as there is no set timetable for grief. Take a break from the planning during the holidays and let him talk about his dad, reflect on his life, be sure to tell him nice memories you had of his dad if you’ve met him. New Year’s is in a little over a week, so can you put off planning for a week or so?
Post # 11
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I say you give him a list of 5 or 6 places and tell him he has to pick one or you are going to do it yourself. You need to let him know that shit gets booked fast. September and October are starting to become popular wedding months. My venue is basically booked every weekend until Oct. 2012. Don’t give him a chance to shut the venue down.
Post # 12
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
Sorry to hear that. Trust me, it will all come together in the end. For now, keep busy working on the things you can control – like asking at the NY bees for ideas on venues. Give him a week or so without discussing the topic, then go back to him with new ideas.
Post # 13
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
Maybe give him a choice of 3 venues and say “If you don’t like any of these, then you’re going to have to come up with something on your own because nothing I give you is satisfactory.”
Maybe putting it in his lap is the only way you can get it done?
Post # 14
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
I like the idea of offering a few options. I think I might work on making a one page “presentation” that shows key facts and figures for each of the options as well as pros and cons. lol, maybe I’ll put it all on one page, like a super venue summary!
I think there are 2 really good venue options and 2 okay options. Five options if you count calling the whole thing off an hittin’ up the courthouse! 🙂 That’s my personal favorite 😉
Post # 15
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
As a JoP wedding gal myself, it’s not a bad decision!
Post # 16
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
🙂 I know it’s really important to Fiance to have a wedding with his family but I’ve always dreamed of eloping or having an itty bitty courthouse wedding on my lunch break! lol, silly I know, but I think it’d be cool.
