Post # 1
MONEY – the one thing we always told ourselves we would never argue about.
Here is the scoop – I make more than him (Roughly 15k more per year) – not a big deal my money is his money and vice versa.
I don’t shop like my friends do – I shop once every few weeks and half the time don’t even buy anything. I buy cheaper clothes but have more clothes (quantity over quality for this one).
I buy dresses for occasions (bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, NYE etc). So for this upcoming NYE I’ve been hunting for the “perfect dress” and can’t seem to find anything. Things I like are a bit too pricey and I think it’s ridiculous to spend so much on a dress but I’m still hunting. For the last week or so he keeps on telling me that I shoudl look in my closet and find something to wear and not spend money.
I’m annoyed – I’ve looked in the closet 2x already, one time he was there with me and there just isn’t anything that screams NYE – some of the dresses I picked out from what I already have he said are “OK” but he still insists that I need to find something in my closet. I found this cute dress, and it’s not on sale! 50% off to be exact and super cheap compared to what it was before. I just told him that (via text) and he told me that I should look in my closet again.
I’m ready to text him back and just tell him to F off. I’m annoyed because 1 – we’re not broke 2 – I don’t shop a lot I like to shop for special occasions 3- it’s not ridiculously overpriced (this cute dress I found) and 4 – I make more money than him
Shouldn’t I be allowed to go buy a dress? I feel like he’s becoming very controlling with me spending money – and its getting to be annoying because well the bottom line is this (I know this sounds snotty as crap) I MAKE MORE THAN HIM. What is it to him if I buy a $40 dollar dress for NYE?? UGh. Sorry just had to vent.
Post # 3
@Bwed2012: Ugh, I feel your pain, girl! I make more than my Darling Husband at the moment too (which is fairly new for both of us) He quit his job to follow me because my job relocated us. So I take it like it’s more of my fault he’s not bringing anything in at the moment, hopefully that will change soon. But anyways…
I don’t see anything wrong with you getting a dress for a special occasion if you guys have no problems paying your bills. If everything else is taken care of, I don’t see anything wrong with it at all. Is there a reason he is like this? Has he always been this way? My Darling Husband is just money cautious, always has been. However, when I spend money I do it rightfully so-like I deserve it. I’d just tell him flat out “listen, we are not broke, our bills are paid, this is a special occasion, I deserve this. You’re making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Drop it.”
Post # 4
The day I ask Mr. 99’s permission to buy anything when we’ve got our bills paid and both cars are running, the cat’s eyes will spin! I’d buy it, hang it up in the closet with the tags still on and be like, “Look honey…IT WAS IN THE CLOSET…”
Post # 5
While I intend to combine assets and such with Fiance when we’re married, neither of us feel we need “permission” to buy anything unless it’s something expensive (~$500 or more?)….I too shop a lot, and I also make more $$ than Fiance. He’d never tell me “check my closet” if he knew I really wanted a new dress. I buy a new NYE dress every year because we’re usually with the same friends and I LOVE NYE! I think I’d just buy a dress and then tell him after the fact. That’s a little ridic, IMO, to give you crap about a $40 NYE dress. PS I just got mine from Macy’s and love it:
Post # 7
That is really not a lot for a dress and you love it so buy it. And if he asks, explain how much you love it and what a great deal it is. If household expenses are covered and you’re buying this for yourself, it’s not affecting him and he doesn’t really have a say. it’s not like you’re splurging your rent money on a designer purse or something.
Post # 8
I can’t imagine having to ask if I could buy a dress. You’re clearly a responsible adult who doesn’t have some insane shopping habit and you aren’t struggling financially.. so I see no reason to not get the dress. You clearly have a job, meaning you should get to spend some of the money you earn!
Post # 9
$40 is a ridiculous amount to get upset over IMO…I’d buy it in a heartbeat lol. Darling Husband and I don’t even discuss purchases like that unless they’re over $100 or so, as long as the rest of the finances are in order.
Post # 10
In all fairness….I see a lot of women who make less do the same thing.
Trying to control his spending habits that is.
Post # 11
And this is why I have kept my own checking account. We have a joint account and we each have our own account also. So if I want to buy something for myself I use my own account, this way Darling Husband can’t complain
Post # 12
If you have a serious shopping problstrand your space is serverly limited I can see want he wouldn’t want you to buy anything. It’s forty bucks and its a dress- can you wear it agian?
I never ask about purchases under 100$ but whenever I do go shopping I usually spend 500$ and do a fashion show and sometimes he vetoes items.
Post # 13
I don’t remember even having to ask if I could buy something. Ever. We do discuss purchases over $200 with eachother before we make them but that’s about it.
Post # 14
Girl, go ahead and buy that dress! My Fiance and I combine some our our finances (our expenses, food, other joint bills & our savings accounts & vacation account), but everything else is open. I’m so glad that’s where we are, because I would resent him if I was in this situation. 🙁
Post # 15
You guys bring up a lot of good points – and yes the bills are paid for – also all of these responses about “not even asking him” that just completely reminded me of when we did the PRE CANA CLASS! One of the activities was on money issues and we both agreed that if we need to purchase something that is more than 200 bucks we need to consult with each other so I have no idea why I’m even asking him permission… HMMMM I’m pretty sure I’m going shopping when I leave work. And yes it’s a dress I can wear again!
I think I got in the habit of asking because he always asks ME to buy even the smallest thing – he has always been money conscious (if that’s how you spell it) but I just didnt think it would be this bad. Months back – he asked me why I can’t wear the same dress to my bach party that I wore to the bridal shower… I was ready to flip, mainly because the bridal shower dress was way too fancy looking and wasn’t a “let’s go party” type dress but more of a classy dress.
I have a lot of dresses but most of them I have “recycled” and worn over and over again.
Post # 16
@Bwed2012: I don’t see why it even matters who makes more money. I am a Stay-At-Home Mom, so I make 0 and I don’t ask to buy things. If I want it and we have the money, I buy it. He is being ridiculous.