(Closed) SO anxiety over frequency of sex, sigh

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 17
Member
12 posts
Newbee

@mrssrm:  Just my personal opinion, but it kind of bothers me when people say that couples always need to compromise when they have mismatched libidos. IMO people shouldn’t ever have sex when they don’t want to. As a person with a low sex drive, who has TRIED “compromising” to have sex more often… I found it really just made me resentful and made me not ever want to have sex because then it was a chore I agreed to, not something fun. Sex isn’t good if you aren’t into it, period. I do think people with a lower drive should be aware of their s/o with a higher drive and work on their own libido (whether that be through changing bc if possible, buying lingerie, or just doing whatever you need to that will get you in the mood). But beyond that effort I don’t think that someone who still isn’t feeling it should ever feel obligated to give it up for the sake of “compromise.” 

Post # 18
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

2-3 is pretty standard in my mind.  If you are able to maintain that frequency for a long period i dont see the issue. As long as you are open about it and try to understand why you should be able to maintain a healthy level of intimacy. 

I dont think this is your issue.  He is getting anxious for no reason he should just talk to his shrink about it.

Post # 19
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Cady:  This

Post # 21
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve written about this before in a few other threads, but I really recommend the book “The Sex Starved Marriage.” It’s a really compassionate look at both partners’ “sides” when one person in a relationship feels like their sex drive is not as high as their partners. My Fiance and I both read it and I think it really helped both of us understand where the other was coming from, and feeling understood is really the first step towards both people feeling better about their sex life. It also provides some concrete suggestions that I think are really helpful. I encourage you to check it out!

Post # 22
Member
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

2-3 times a week isn’t unusual at all, that’s pretty frequent. I’m sorry but the idea of having a panic attack over not being able to have sex is absurd. Sounds like he has an issue, not you.

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