So anxious while waiting for proposal

posted 5 days ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

catqueen92 :  oh man…I can completely relate. It’s SUCH torture. I am so sorry, Bee. I tried to make a joke out of it and laugh when I could, but I wound up crying a fair bit, and stress-eating.

I don’t have any advice except: self care is the way to go. get your hands in beautiful shape with massage oils and scrubs. take bubble baths. Do what you LOVE, and what feels good to you, because what I learned is that things become a bit of a whirlwind once that moment finally arrives. 

and – I wasn’t prepared for that moment. not really. 

focus on your own well-being so when the moment does come, you are rested, radiant, hydrated, and feeling solid. 

but really I should just say: it is a torturous time. I was completely there too. 

Hugs <3 

Post # 3
Hostess
9219 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

I have GAD too and had to wait 2 months once he had the ring for the proposal. It was torture. I remember a lot of daydreaming about the proposal, the ring, the planning. I hated the “formality” of waiting when I knew the ring was upstairs in a guest bedroom. It seemed pointless, and looking back it kind of still does. Don’t get me wrong, the proposal was amazing and everything I dreamed of, but at the same time I would have been just as happy with something low key at home.

I’m rambling, but really, there’s nothing to stop you from looking at venues, thinking about the bridal party and picking out your colors. You can do some planning now to shift your focus and feel less like you’re stuck in purgatory. Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

DrAtkins :  ooh, yeah, good ideas. to add to this: you can make a secret pinterest board with your dress ideas… and you’ll be grateful later that you have a lot of the research done! 

(I have anxiety as well…waiting for the proposal is probably our personal hell.) 

Post # 6
Member
7488 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I just can’t with men who do this. And when they know the woman suffers from anxiety and is made really anxious by situations such as this, well…….

l do hope, OP and any others in the same boat ,that these guys come to their senses and do what is kind and loving, and stop  acting  like they ‘own’ the engagement process.

Post # 7
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

Another waiting bee with anxiety here! My main worry is not having enough time to plan once we’re engaged which I explained to SO. To help with this, we now have a ‘deadline’ by which it’ll definitely happen and we’ve already shortlisted a few venues which he is going to book viewings for now so we can see them asap after we’re engaged. He asked me to keep all weekends in March and April free for this so he can book the viewings without giving away the proposal date!

I know for sure that he will propose by the end of March which has made me feel much better, so now I’m actually enjoying waiting for a surprise that could happen anytime!

EDIT: He knows I have anxiety and he isn’t doing this on purpose to be cruel or “take control” as a pp suggested. We may not admit it, but most women hope for a romantic and well thought out proposal with a nice ring and all of this takes time to plan! He apologises all the time for making me wait but says he really wants to make it special, and if I’m honest so do I (bravely admitting I wouldn’t want a couch proposal in our pyjamas on Tuesday night lol).

Post # 8
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

What happened to your 4 week timeline? Why is it now April? Is this just your own timeline again?

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I was like that too, and it completely ruined it for me. Hear me out.

My fiance and I have been together for many, many years. We were finally at the point in life where we were ready to get engaged. I kept watching YouTube videos of proposals. I would do this for months, thinking about if he will make it simple or extravagent, have a photographer or not, include family/friends or not, public or private, etc. I researched the basics of engagement rings and tried to teach him the 4 C’s. 

It became such a topic that it was obsessive! I kept asking if he researched rings, looked at shops, bought it yet, planned it yet, etc. I was so ready for it to happen. He isn’t the type to really spend a lot of time planning like I am, so he literally ended up just going to one ring shop and getting one of the first rings he saw. I knew when he was going, and he came home within an hour. “That’s it?” I asked, because I thought he would be out all day trying to search for the perfect one and make it special. He told me it was overwhelming and he saw one that stood out. So we went out to the movies, and then he made a comment of how you might need a magnifying glass to see the diamond! I was nervous, and so we canceled the movie plans and went to the ring shop together. The guy working at the shop showed us other rings and said he really doesn’t think he should show us the one my fiance chose since it’ll ruin the surprise. So we left but I was really nervous.

He also told me the day he called my parents to ask for their blessing. And then he told me the month he was going to propose. I ended up figuring out which day it would be based on how he was acting and such. So I wasn’t surprised at all, and he really didn’t do anything special other than get down on one knee and propose at a local fountain. The ring ended up being really pretty, and the moment would’ve probably been wonderful if I hadn’t already basically known everything.

Please, don’t do this! Just forget it… don’t ask questions… don’t be obsessive or overly think about it… don’t find out dates/months of when he is buying the ring, asking the parent’s permission, popping the question, etc. Keep it a surprise! It will be a better experience if you put it out of your mind and just let it happen without thinking of it so much. I wish I would’ve just said to him “I am ready to be engaged” and let him do the rest in secret.

Post # 12
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee

In my situation, the ring was purchased and in his posession beginning of February 2018 and I knew I had to wait until after May 2018 for the proposal for a very specific reason that I agreed to.  I also suffer from anxiety and was so excited to be engaged.

It helped that he said he already considered us engaged during that time and I was able to tell a few of my closes friends, but looking back, it wasn’t that long and the commitment was there.  

Just breathe and enjoy the time and continue to work on your relationship. 

And if you need to, I highly recommend going to therapy to talk about the anxiety and medication is there for a reason.  

 

Post # 14
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee

The best thing I ever did for myself was accept that I had anxiety, got help and got medication.  

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