Post # 1
I posted the other day saying he had bought the ring- The proposal is not happening before April- I don’t know exactly when-, which is not that long, yes. However, I have been so anxious the past few days and just cannot stop focusing on the wait. I had made peace with the waiting process prior to the ring purchase (probably because it didn’t feel “real”), but now I’m experiencing a new kind of torture. I’ve never had a lot of patience and have always been an instant gratification type person. I struggle with GAD (if you’ve read any of my previous posts, I’ve mentioned this previously) and have been experiencing little to no symptoms the past month or so until now. It feels like everythig is welling back up, sort of. I am not upset or resentful of my SO- I am happy and excited, but I also feel like I’m in a state of purgatory until it happens.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling this way and decided I would either spend some time alone running errands or see if my SO wanted to grab lunch/go out for a bit to help focus my mind elsewhere. He wanted to come with, so that’s what we did. Afterwards we spent the rest of the afternoon together and it wasn’t on my mind. I knew spending time with him/being occupied would help. That said, I’m obviously not busy 24/7, so my mind wanders and I have a hard time moving past it.
I know I need to be patient, I absolutely do, and the hard part is overbecause he is finally going to propose, but Good Lord am I struggling. It’s not constant, but it’s pretty often. I’m just so ready to be out of the mentally destructive situation. Props to all of you calm, cool, collected ladies who can’t relate.
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
catqueen92 : oh man…I can completely relate. It’s SUCH torture. I am so sorry, Bee. I tried to make a joke out of it and laugh when I could, but I wound up crying a fair bit, and stress-eating.
I don’t have any advice except: self care is the way to go. get your hands in beautiful shape with massage oils and scrubs. take bubble baths. Do what you LOVE, and what feels good to you, because what I learned is that things become a bit of a whirlwind once that moment finally arrives.
and – I wasn’t prepared for that moment. not really.
focus on your own well-being so when the moment does come, you are rested, radiant, hydrated, and feeling solid.
but really I should just say: it is a torturous time. I was completely there too.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
I have GAD too and had to wait 2 months once he had the ring for the proposal. It was torture. I remember a lot of daydreaming about the proposal, the ring, the planning. I hated the “formality” of waiting when I knew the ring was upstairs in a guest bedroom. It seemed pointless, and looking back it kind of still does. Don’t get me wrong, the proposal was amazing and everything I dreamed of, but at the same time I would have been just as happy with something low key at home.
I’m rambling, but really, there’s nothing to stop you from looking at venues, thinking about the bridal party and picking out your colors. You can do some planning now to shift your focus and feel less like you’re stuck in purgatory. Best of luck!
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
DrAtkins : ooh, yeah, good ideas. to add to this: you can make a secret pinterest board with your dress ideas… and you’ll be grateful later that you have a lot of the research done!
(I have anxiety as well…waiting for the proposal is probably our personal hell.)
Post # 5
disbeeprincess : This is wonderful advice. I suppose now is the time to get my gym routine back in shape (winter..) and work on my self care for sure. I am really thankful for the unique position I am in because I do have the opportunity to try and mentally prepare as I have heard it is totally a whirlwind and many of my friends have actually struggled with depression afterwards.
DrAtkins : Also great advice. I am a big planner and love to have things figured out beforehand. Admitedly, I have done a great deal of research on venues and costs, but stopped once I got the general information. I guess it would be a good idea to try and narrow done some viable options. I am dreading the planning process to be honest with you and not really in a huge rush to tack down a date because of that. If I felt as prepared as possible, that would benefit both me and my SO and probably allow us to enjoy being engaged a bit more. Thanks bee!
ETA: As dramatic as it sounds, disbee, I really feel that it is! I often think that people don’t know how strong those of us who suffer from anxiety/depression are- The emotion we show is only 1/10000 of what’s going on in our heads..
Post # 6
I just can’t with men who do this. And when they know the woman suffers from anxiety and is made really anxious by situations such as this, well…….
l do hope, OP and any others in the same boat ,that these guys come to their senses and do what is kind and loving, and stop acting like they ‘own’ the engagement process.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2020 - City, State
Another waiting bee with anxiety here! My main worry is not having enough time to plan once we’re engaged which I explained to SO. To help with this, we now have a ‘deadline’ by which it’ll definitely happen and we’ve already shortlisted a few venues which he is going to book viewings for now so we can see them asap after we’re engaged. He asked me to keep all weekends in March and April free for this so he can book the viewings without giving away the proposal date!
I know for sure that he will propose by the end of March which has made me feel much better, so now I’m actually enjoying waiting for a surprise that could happen anytime!
EDIT: He knows I have anxiety and he isn’t doing this on purpose to be cruel or “take control” as a pp suggested. We may not admit it, but most women hope for a romantic and well thought out proposal with a nice ring and all of this takes time to plan! He apologises all the time for making me wait but says he really wants to make it special, and if I’m honest so do I (bravely admitting I wouldn’t want a couch proposal in our pyjamas on Tuesday night lol).
Post # 8
What happened to your 4 week timeline? Why is it now April? Is this just your own timeline again?
Post # 9
elderbee : He’s not hanging onto the ring until then- it won’t be shipped to him until then! He knows how anxious I am about it all, but we can’t make it happen any faster based on that 🙁
Post # 10
mrsaime : You’ve got me confused with another thread I think? I never had a four week timeline lol
Post # 11
I was like that too, and it completely ruined it for me. Hear me out.
My fiance and I have been together for many, many years. We were finally at the point in life where we were ready to get engaged. I kept watching YouTube videos of proposals. I would do this for months, thinking about if he will make it simple or extravagent, have a photographer or not, include family/friends or not, public or private, etc. I researched the basics of engagement rings and tried to teach him the 4 C’s.
It became such a topic that it was obsessive! I kept asking if he researched rings, looked at shops, bought it yet, planned it yet, etc. I was so ready for it to happen. He isn’t the type to really spend a lot of time planning like I am, so he literally ended up just going to one ring shop and getting one of the first rings he saw. I knew when he was going, and he came home within an hour. “That’s it?” I asked, because I thought he would be out all day trying to search for the perfect one and make it special. He told me it was overwhelming and he saw one that stood out. So we went out to the movies, and then he made a comment of how you might need a magnifying glass to see the diamond! I was nervous, and so we canceled the movie plans and went to the ring shop together. The guy working at the shop showed us other rings and said he really doesn’t think he should show us the one my fiance chose since it’ll ruin the surprise. So we left but I was really nervous.
He also told me the day he called my parents to ask for their blessing. And then he told me the month he was going to propose. I ended up figuring out which day it would be based on how he was acting and such. So I wasn’t surprised at all, and he really didn’t do anything special other than get down on one knee and propose at a local fountain. The ring ended up being really pretty, and the moment would’ve probably been wonderful if I hadn’t already basically known everything.
Please, don’t do this! Just forget it… don’t ask questions… don’t be obsessive or overly think about it… don’t find out dates/months of when he is buying the ring, asking the parent’s permission, popping the question, etc. Keep it a surprise! It will be a better experience if you put it out of your mind and just let it happen without thinking of it so much. I wish I would’ve just said to him “I am ready to be engaged” and let him do the rest in secret.
Post # 12
In my situation, the ring was purchased and in his posession beginning of February 2018 and I knew I had to wait until after May 2018 for the proposal for a very specific reason that I agreed to. I also suffer from anxiety and was so excited to be engaged.
It helped that he said he already considered us engaged during that time and I was able to tell a few of my closes friends, but looking back, it wasn’t that long and the commitment was there.
Just breathe and enjoy the time and continue to work on your relationship.
And if you need to, I highly recommend going to therapy to talk about the anxiety and medication is there for a reason.
Post # 13
bride2be2019 : sharpshooter : Thank you both for that thoughtful advice. I so appreciate you sharing your own experiences. Y’all are all being very helpful and making me feel much more at ease!
Post # 14
The best thing I ever did for myself was accept that I had anxiety, got help and got medication.
Post # 15
sharpshooter : I’ve been on medication since 2012 and have recently begun therapy, so I definitely agree that help is needed! As I said, I’m otherwise in a really good place (or rather, in a place where I have felt my anxiety has been at bay), so I know I can get through this. It’s just, frankly, hard!