(Closed) S/O: Are there any sister wives on the bee? Or anyone living plural marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 62
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679 posts
Busy bee

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@Orion:  How did you come to find that that style of relationship was for you? 

Post # 63
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595 posts
Busy bee

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@Windsong_:  Absolutely!

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@MrsPHopefully:  To be honest, the idea was introduced to me through Heinlein books. It just seemed right to me. I’ve dated several people who were monogamous, and it never worked for me.

Post # 64
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3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Orion:  Was your partner interested in this kind of relationship before you met or was it something you both discovered together?

Post # 65
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595 posts
Busy bee

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@Payless:  Well, I had it in my head and brought it up early on into our relationship, it hadn’t occured to him as an option but he didn’t have any issues with it either. It was kind of “Hey, so there’s this thing… what do you think?” “Oh? Sure. There’s actually this girl I know that I bet you’d like…” Kind of amusing, actually.

Post # 66
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3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Orion:  Sounds like it came naturally! 🙂 

this question seems a little more personal so I don’t expect an answer but…do either of you get jealous or has there been a threatening third party? 

Post # 67
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595 posts
Busy bee

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@Payless:  There’s never really been any issues of jealousy. I don’t get jealous, and neither does my SO. There has also never been any threatening third parties, unless you include a poor choice on my part, but that was an unrelated issue.

The only thing I can think of was a couple of weeks ago I got into a bad mood due to a lot of stress, and, since we’re currently long distance, I’m kind of on my own at the moment, even though I have a girlfriend here, she’s still a half hour drive away. My SO is 2 hours drive, so visits are not common. Anyway, his other two partners get to see him regularly, and I, being in a pissy mood, was making snide comments and generally not being very nice.

He called me out on it, saying that I was acting jealous… which I didn’t feel it, but my commentary was uncalled for, and I was being uncoomunative because I thought maybe that one of the girl’s wasn’t a good choice because of her low self-esteem (mine is stupidly high), and I had recently had experience with someone who had no self-confidence (see above unrelated issue), and the other girl is older and has a kid. Mind you, I like them both, but being far away, I guess I felt powerless or something and tried to somehow get validation that they were good choices, but I ended up sounding cruel.

Post # 68
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5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@Orion:  

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@Windsong_:  

Do you talk to your SO about your other patners? I know I’ll say something to DH or other friends about a friend who is annoying me or maybe is going through a rough time. Would you ever say to your SO “Ugh other partner is driving me crazy. He/she is just so…” or “We just got into a fight about…”

Post # 69
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595 posts
Busy bee

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@KoiKove:  Sometimes! It depends on the relationship of which partner to which, though.

Post # 71
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595 posts
Busy bee

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@priyawouldntwannabeya:  Absolutely. If you have any other questions feel free to ask.

Post # 72
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7973 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

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@JenGirl:  Oh, I knowit wasn’t meant badly! However, it isn’t necessarily true to say that their lifestyle hasn’t changed as much as the rest of the world. For example, in Amazonia, there is the “dark earth” hypothesis. One theory is that Amazonia used to be a huge agricultural base holding a technologically advanced civilisation, but that for some reason (eg war, ecological disaster) then the agricultural base failed, and many people were forced to live as hunter-gatherers. The rainforest gradually regrew and that’s why we have hunter-gatherers there now. That’s a HUGE change over the past 1,000 years… from a literate, technologically advanced, stratified, but quite brutal society, to a non-literate, technologically basic, non-stratified/ democratic society.

There is another theory that, in my part of the world, some hunter-gatherer groups were peasants working within rice farming communities until a few hundred years ago, until they realised that trading was far more profitable, and gradually shifted towards nomadism. I don’t actually believe that theory for the group I’m working with, but hey… it’s a theory.

Then there are indigenous groups descended from escaped slaves in parts of Asia, as well.

Now, I don’t know about the Masai so much, but I’m willing to bet that their lifestyle has changed a lot over the past few hundred years. The reason that we hear this “protect the indigene” idea is that they are trying to resist big business and globalisation, which tends to make them the victims. Claims to a primeval lifestyle are one of the weapons they have in order to claim their land. It’s either “we are separate… proud… there is much which is good about our culture” or “we are basically peasants within a world order”. They tend to choose the first narrative, obviously.

Now, I agree that these people need to protect the great things about their culture, although I also see the problems with this essentialising hypothesis…. I’m thinking about the San in Botswana, for example, and Survival International’s huge **** up there.

Post # 73
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@KoiKove:  I don’t really talk to him in great detail about other partners, per his request. It just works better if I keep it simple in what I tell him about other partners; I mostly use my friends for things like that.

Post # 74
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I know there is an older post about this as well were there were other poly bees that came forward. Too lazy to look for it now…

Post # 74
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

Im not Poly but i do have an open mind. I agree with the primary partner prioritisation and in the western world wife by law but i am also open to later expanding to other partners, more in the style of swinging but if we found a person or couple who fitted i wouldnt see a problem with becoming poly?

My Fiance for example was inocent prior to me and id like him to eventually expand his experience but not loose him?! hard to explain as id also like to experiment again later in life. Once i have children and things may change, bringing in a compatible person to the relationship may work perfectly for us both?! he will always be my husband and my #1 priority but  this is something we discussed even before we were engaged

This is a very interesting board.

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