- 8 years ago
Time for another fruitful discussion! This topic has come up a lot recently when people ask me about the wedding, so it’s on my mind.
The conversations go like this, more or less:
Friend/Acquaintance: So, I hear you’re getting married this year!
Me: Yes, we’re very excited!
Friend/Acquaintance: So, are you planning to have kids right away, or are you going to hold out?
See, I’m a very blunt, straightforward person. So up till this point, I’ve been answering this question without a second thought. “No, we’re going to hold off on kids for a few years, see where we end up…” But it recently dawned on me that this question is pretty intrusive, and even though I’m a straightforward person, I would really never ask it. I may be alone in having this opinion, but I’m starting to see this “kids” question as pretty much the same as asking, “Do you have a lot of sex?”, “Are you using birth control?”, and so on. Not appropriate things for certain friends to ask you on the spot like that, and CERTAINLY not appropriate questions for an acquaintance.
*PLEASE NOTE* I have a problem with this when it’s asked during a conversation about the wedding. Like, “How’s the wedding going?” leads into “When will you start your family?” If I’m having a conversation with a person about kids, conceiving, etc., to begin with, that’s a different story.
I wouldn’t have a problem with this if someone like my mother asked about it, but I remember when my cousin, who is more like a sister to me, got married. Even though she and I talked about everything under the sun, I didn’t feel like it was my place to ask her when she and her husband were going to try to conceive. It just feels like it’s not my business.
Is anyone else with me on this, or do I sound completely insane?
I have a mind to turn the question back on the next person who asks it. “Are you going to have kids right away?”
“Hmm…well let’s see. Are you?”