(Closed) SO asked if he has to ask dad for permission

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Does he need to ask for permission?
    Yes : (82 votes)
    51 %
    No : (51 votes)
    31 %
    Other : (29 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @jpalm13:  I view it as more of asking for their blessing as opposed to permission, but I’m for it 🙂 It’s a nice gesture and starts things off on a good note.

    Post # 4
    23790 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m an old soul, and definitely say yes, he should!  It eliminates pressure for you, actually, wondering if your parents are happy about you two getting engaged and married!

    Post # 5
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    While I don’t think he NEEDS to, I was definitely excited and thought it was very sweet that FI asked my father for his blessing before he proposed.  I think it shows that FI cares about your family and their feelings, which to me, is very important.

    Post # 6
    3476 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I always hated phrasing it as asking permission.  To me, if I’m an adult and he’s an adult, he doesn’t need anyone else’s permission to marry me.  But he does need my family’s blessing.  This is a very important tradition to me especially since my dad passed abou 2 weeks after I met FI; so he asked my dad’s sister & my grandma for their blessing.  

    It’s definitely not a need, but it is a nice gesture. 

    Post # 7
    185 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    He definitely should!  My fiance did and my parents were very impressed and appreciative that he did.  I dont think it is required, but it is a respectful gesture.  He could say something like “I love ____ very much and with your blessing, I want to ask her to marry me.” 

    Post # 9
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Personally I don’t like that asking the father thing and I wouldn’t be pleased if my Fi did that. However some people do, let him do it if YOU like it and it’s important to you.

    Post # 10
    3697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I said yes but I agree he doesn’t need to ask permission, just let them know and make sure they’re ok with it.  My husband did call my dad, and my dad told him I was a grown woman and could make my own decisions.  🙂  They really appreciated the gesture, though – it was a great way to start our engagement. 

    Can you believe mom actually asked me if he asked me or them first?  He asked them a few hours before he proposed (said he ‘just couldn’t wait any longer’). 

    Post # 11
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    FI didn’t ask, which meant my phone calls to my parents consisted of the phrase “holy sh–” and “Oh my god” (each parent had their own phrase) over and over again for about ten minutes. Even though we had been together for 4 years and they knew we had just signed a lease for an apartment together. They were still surprised. His parents just said congratualtions and sounded happy because he told them he bought a ring. I had been downplaying how soon we would get engaged to my parents because I was waiting for two years, so I had no idea how much longer it would be (I figured another 2 years was more than reasonable, even though I wouldn’t have been happy about waiting longer) and I didn’t want them to think he wasn’t proposing when he should. If he had casually mentioned it to them I think my phone calls would have gone much nicer. By the time things sunk in, they couldn’t really be happy because they separated a week after I got engaged (unrelated, just weird timing though it was apparently a long time coming).

    I think that if he had asked, I would have had a nicer first week of being engaged because I wouldn’t have to question if they approved.

    Now its very clear they approve and are excited for the wedding regardless of their current relationship status. I just wish I could tell that during the announcement.


    Post # 12
    3421 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would love it if he asked my father…of like if he showed my dad the ring before hand…But I don’t now if he would. My SO doesn’t really like my dad…

    Post # 13
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted Other, cause my parents don’t control me, therefore SO doesn’t need permission to marry me, but that being said they are kinda old fashioned and want to know about it beforehand. So I’ve told SO that he MUST talk with my Dad (and my Mom if he so chooses) before proposing (otherwise my life will be a living hell lol). And FYI: It kills me knowing he has the ring and HASN’T spoken to my parents. Mom was asking me last weekend if we were headed towards Marriage and I was like yeah I think so lol knowing full well that we’ve been talking about it for almost a year now.

    Post # 14
    3421 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Here is another question…How does a Waiting Bee let her SO know that asking her father is important to her….while being cool about it.

    Post # 15
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Sapphire-Dreamer:  I flat out told him lol, we were talking engagements and how he was going to propose (he won’t give me any details of course) and I said  ‘Well make sure you let my Dad know first or he will kill us both’ he thought I was kidding at first but then I explained how it would mean alot to him, and me, etc.

    Post # 16
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I nor my parents expected the question, but my husband asked my dad (without me knowing,) and after we got engaged my dad told me that he really thought it was a very nice gesture & appreciated it. 

    So basically, while not needed or even expected – it always turns out to be a positive thing. 

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