Post # 1
FH and I were out with his friends last night, and one of his good friends asks, “So you decided not to have kids?” Our plan is to have kids after we’ve been married a few years. FH and I were kind of confused since we’ve never told anyone we weren’t having kids. She said FH had put something on facebook that made her think that. Then we explained that yes, we do want kids, but with all that we have going on (FH’s job is up in the air, then he will be working 70-80 hours a week for the next 2.5 years), we aren’t having kids for a while. It felt SO AWKWARD. I asked what he had put on facebook, and he had joined the “Just because you can reproduce doesn’t mean you should,” which incidentally, I joined too, but that’s about people who aren’t responsible parents. I hate these kind of questions, but since it was a good friend of FH who I believe really cares about us and is a little sensitive, I didn’t give a snappy answer. Anyone else hate these conversations that are hard to dodge?
Post # 3
We also get a lot of “when are you ving babies” questions which is pretty awful for me b/c I just miscarried, and my body has been going through hell ever since. So of course I want babies now, but I’m not about to tell everyone my whole sad story. I just tell them that we just want to spend some time being married first. It’s easier that way.
Post # 4
I really think it’s so wrong of peopel to ask when someone is going to have kids. I really learned that from Mrs. Bee’s struggle. I’ve had 2 people asking me when I’m going to have kids, not people I’m really close to either and I just want to kick them and tell them it’s none of their business.
Post # 5
@colors: I’m sorry for your loss. That sounds so hard!
It’s also harder when they ask both of you, because FH is way less private than me, and doesn’t get why I don’t think it’s anyone’s business. I have a health condition that only FH and a few close friends know about that might cause miscarriages, and if we have trouble, that will just lead to more people who know. Yuck.
Post # 6
@guitargirl: Thanks. It is hard!
When people ask, my hubby doesn’t say anything, and puts me on the spot to do the talking. Sorry about your health condition, hope pregnancy goes well for you when you’re ready!
Post # 7
Is it a forward question? Yes, BUT you opened the door when you put it on FB. FB is public. If you don’t want to talk about something, such as your opinions regarding reproductive rights or parenting or whatever, then don’t put stuff up there/join groups etc.
Post # 8
So sorry to those of you who have experienced miscarriages or have cause to fear them.
I am not married yet, but when people found out we were engaged, they began saying to my mother “you are going to be a grandmother!” Uh. No. She will be a mother-in-law . . . Yes kids someday but not soon. Thanks for freaking out my mother!
Post # 9
I honestly do not believe that your FH post on Facebook would automatically lead to the assumption that you guys are not wanting to have kids. I agree that there are a lot of people that are not responsible with child bearing these days. It was more of a statement that doesn’t really imply to you guys as much as the general public.
Post # 10
That’s absurd. People should be more sensitive than that, for many reasons, including some mentioned by commenters here – a couple might have a very difficult situation regarding children, or they might have decided not to have any, but in either case it’s not polite to demand information from them.
Fortunately we’ve only received one awkward question about children, and I’m very much willing to forgive it. It was at my grandmother’s funeral and there was much chatter about my two cousins who were very pregnant at the time. Their sister, who is married and childless, was under some scrutiny herself, and her husband started blathering to me about how they haven’t had kids because “She doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom.” My cousin got really flustered and abruptly cut him off by turning to me and asking “So are you guys going to have kids?!” Yep, pretty awkward, but I can see how she felt like she needed a lifeline at that point. It can’t be easy when your siblings are reproducing and people are all, so, what about you guys, what’s your deal?