Post # 1
Hi Bees –
I haven’t posted in a while, but I think I am in need of some support/love/opinions, etc. If you don’t know the back story, I have a couple previous posts which would fill in some blanks.
My SO bought a house! Woohoo! Big step for us. Although I do not plan to live with him until we are engaged, I am very excited about this big step for him/us. He has lived with his parents since we started dating over four years ago, so some privacy is going to be amazing.
As happy as I am about his house, it brings along with it some anxiety. I am VERY ready to be engaged, but I try to respect him and don’t want to put pressure on him. I understand he needs to do it in his own way. The house should be an amazing thing, but as I was telling SO last night, I am scared that it will become an excuse of sorts. Part of me thinks, “Oh yeah, we’ll be engaged in 6-8 months easy.” Then the other part is like, “Girl, you’re going to be waiting 4+ more years…don’t get your hopes up.” When I told him all of this he was very kind and said it’s good for us to talk about these things, but he was tired and stressed and wanted to pick the conversation back up later. I am assuming we will discuss things tonight when we see each other. I made him promise me that he respects my needs and he said “Of course I do.” So, I am confident we will get on the same, but nervous at the same time.
I don’t know that I could keep dating him if there is no commitment soon. When I say commitment, I’m not talking about some fancy proposal or a fancy ring. All those things would just be bonuses. What I want is the love of my life to ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. Whether we get married tomorrow or in a couple years is far from the point. I guess I don’t need much advice… I just want to make sure I relay all of this information to him so we can get on the same page without him feeling pressured.
Post # 2
I think the whole “feeling pressured” is a huge lame excuse guys like to give us. Being on the same page is very important for the relationship and setting expectations is important too. You don’t want to go 5 or 6 years down the road and find out he doesn’t want to get married. Everyone’s timelines are different.
I wasted 5 years on a guy and it didn’t work out, some of my best and better looking years. lol. I had to put pressure on this guy (3 years and we own our second home)… but when I put the pressure on, he was OK and gave me the big proposal and wedding coming up. He wanted it too, but getting hitched is just not on the top of his to do list (which I understand, it’s not like they dream of the day the entire lives). I think if you feel ready and you believe he’s the one, put some pressure on to find out where he is at. Don’t let me blow you off or give you some lame excuse. Time is the most precious thing we have and it shouldn’t be wasted.
Post # 3
I guess I’m somewhat confused. If he plans to propose soon, why wouldn’t he wait on you to buy property? Did it make more sense financially?
My SO and I don’t plan to buy property until we are married so we can pool assets and pick a home to raise kids in, so I’m a little confused by him buying a house without you.
Post # 4
If this is the person you want to marry, you should be able to sit down and have a conversation with him about this! Tell him exactly what you said here. It sounds like you want an engagement, but you’re ok to have it a long engagement and get married in a couple of years. How is he going to know your wishes if you don’t tell him directly? Don’t nag, hint, beat around the bush–just tell him.
Post # 5
It was a better move financially for us at this time. My SO is paralyzed and this is his first big, independent move. It is important for him to do it on his own for a while… as best he can at least. He has told me he needs that before he wants me to move in because he doesn’t want to rely on me right at first. This is a big deal for him. Plus I recently moved out of my parents’ home and bought a car. I won’t be out of my lease for about 9 months…unless I paid a fee.