(Closed) So close to bringing it up…

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Speaking your mind and making things clear isn’t nagging… I say talk to him about your concerns and desires so he knows what you’re hoping. If he doesn’t know…you may very well don’t make it around your work schedule to get married.

But then, my guy started to sound annoyed and alarmed when I say I want to talk about something :O

Post # 5
Member
5 posts
Newbee

@KayDubs: I think there’s a difference between nagging and voicing your needs.  It sounds like your concern is a valid one; you want people to be able to come to your wedding without having to put it off for years.  I think in this situation it would be a good idea to bring it up to him.

View original reply
@gramgeek: that’s why I’ve stopped saying that, and just launch into whatever it is. He seems to get more defensive when announce that I have something I want to talk about.

Post # 6
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree that you should talk about it with your guy. I’m like you in that I normally advise against bringing up the whole e-word, but in your case it makes sense. He may not have thought about the timing from your perspective. You can bring it up in a matter-of-fact, casual way that doesn’t put pressure on him but just lets him know what you’re thinking. Plus, if you’ve only talked about it twice in 4 years, there’s no way anyone could accuse you of nagging. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was in your situation, but I brought it up a couple times because we were about to celebrate our 6 year dating anniversary and I was getting nervous that he didn’t really want to get married (even though we had discussed that we would).  After I brought it up we actually went through some difficult times (a death in the family, relocating across the country etc) and I forgot about it and that’s when it happened.  I know it’s hard when you’re trying to be practical and on a timeline and he doesn’t have a care in the world!  I felt that way too, believe me.  But I think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself.  And like you said you want him to want to get married not feel pressured into it.  I think you should discuss it with him, but I wouldn’t bring up the wedding timeline/family vaca/pregnant friends because it’s kind of putting the horse before the cart.  I know it doesn’t seem like it now because you’re focused on the wedding, but being engaged and enjoying that is important too IMO.  My advice would be to try to take one thing at a time and enjoy what’s happening now instead of being focused on the next step. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would definitely say something. He can’t read your mind and sometimes, it doesn’t dawn on guys how things affect us until we bring it up. Just let it naturally come up in conversation (even with some prodding, you can bring up a related topic and then transition to this topic) instead of saying “We need to talk” which might put him on the automatic offensive.

Thanks!

Post # 9
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be just direct with your guy, in a calm, but firm way. Discuss your concerns about setting your date and the amount of time you BOTH need to plan (I am a great believer the groom should have his say to in all the planning)

Only he can tell you the answer, or you may find youll be walking up the aisle with nobody waiting at the top for you..

Post # 10
Member
2223 posts
Buzzing bee

Personally, instead of using the phrase, “I wanna talk to you about something,” I say, “Question.” I use it with everything. Ex. “Question, where did I put my keys?” “Question, where do you see us going?” Puts him less on edge. But that’s just me.

On another note: Talk to him. Talking about a timing concern isn’t naggy. It’s smart. Good luck!

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