Post # 1
My bf and I got engaged in July. Last month he told me he didn’t want to marry me ….right now. We had plans to start a career change together but now he wants me to do it on my own for a year first….it calls for us only seeing each other for a weekend a month. He is moving out in 3 months to help his brother `get over his divorce”. And now has started excluding me from everything in his life…even his family Christmas. He says that I need to change.it have been trying but he refuses to see any of it. This solo job I if done by myself might cost me my house and he wants me to prove that I can do it first without him. I’m terrified.
Post # 2
Why is he saying you need to change? Sounds like to me he’s already ready to fully break up but is too much of a pansy to actually go through with breaking up. Time to move on.
Post # 3
No one should ever try to make you change. I think it’s time for you to re-think your relashionship, because if that was me i would have left his ass.
Post # 4
Umm. It sounds to me like you’ve been broken up with and he just didn’t have the balls to be honest about it. If he wants you to go it alone, you might as well go all the way and be done with him.
Post # 5
Carmen Marden :
Huh? In what way does he want you to change. To be honest, it rather sounds like he has pulled the plug on your relationship but hasn’t actually had the guts to tell you! Eitherway, relationships take work from both sides, not just one person dictating everything and leaving the other to “change”.
Post # 6
I would have been out at “I don’t want to marry you.” Like PP said he’s being a coward. Without more specifics, It sounds like he wants you to prove that you’re worthy of him and that is not cool.
Post # 7
Uhh sounds like he low-key broke up with you. Sorry :/
Post # 8
Carmen Marden :
He says you need to change…change what? What has happened in the last 6 months to make him go from proposing to not wanting you in his life? I feel like we’re missing a very large piece of the puzzle here.
Either way, it sounds like this is over. I’m sorry Bee but it seems that he’s just dragging this out because he’s too much of a coward to actually break up with you.
Post # 9
Real talk, he’s dumping you but too cowardly to do so outright. Cut your losses.
Post # 10
Sounds like an egotistical coward, aka a guy who thinks he has all the balls, but in reality has none. Move on and up, OP.
Post # 11
So, he’s putting nothing into the pot, you’re taking all of the risk- both financial and emotional- and you wonder why you’re scared.
youre scared because deep down you know you’re getting screwed by this coward. Do not do anything for him. Plan your next move as you would as a single woman, because that’s what you are. And hopefully you can be glad of it, because he’s a jerk.
Post # 12
Yeah, I agree with the other posters… if he wants you to go the career change alone for a year to ‘see if you can make it’, he planning on moving out, and he wants to only see you one weekend a month – then he’s decided he wants to try dating other women – but he wants to keep you on a leash in case he doesn’t find someone else.
Tell him to have the balls to break up! If he’s moving out, do it now – don’t drag it out for 3 months. If he’s dating other people, so can you! It’s painful that he’s breaking up with you – but doing it slowly is more cruel than just making a clean break now.
Post # 13
Most men really hate being the one to initiate the break up. They feel guilty and they will go a long way to avoid the blow back.
So they behave atrociously enough that the female half is left with no choice but to dump him.
It sure sounds like that’s what’s going on here. ITA with the PP–plan your life as a single woman.
Post # 14
Carmen Marden :
First of all, break up with him TODAY and have him move out NOW, not in three months. That’s the best change you could possibly make, he wants you to show him you can stand on your own two feet? Well here you go, bye-bye, superiority-complex-boyfriend!!
The thing that stands out most here is that he expects you to make a career change effectively as a single woman right now that by your description is risky enough that you might lose your house.
Really think about this, and not as a whiny “why is he doing this to me”, this is you as an adult taking a decision for yourself, not for him, that could affect your housing situation without a backup plan. Maybe it’s not the right time to do this? You are not in a catch 22 as you seem to think; “if I don’t do it I will lose him but I’ll keep my house, but if I do it I might lose my house but I’ll have him?” HE IS NO PART OF THIS DECISION!!!! You are already over, he doesn’t want to marry YOU, some other person you are supposed to turn into? Not even. And why would you want to be someone else than yourself. This guy does not sound worth it AT ALL.
Post # 15
LAWYER UP, RIGHT NOW.
FIND OUT exactly where you stand financially in this mess.
Get OUT with all the assets you can protect.
YOU do the dumping!