(Closed) So confused… (a little long. sorry)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

That’s a real shame.  He should be honest and forthcoming about his reasons.  Not just point the finger at his family.  is this a grown man who does what his momma says?  

Even if his family does not like you, he should put you first.  And should be man enough to do what is right by you.  You will be here long after his family is gone.

If he won’t put you first then you must put yourself first.  Do not let your dreams and future pass you by waiting on someone who does not have you as his first priority.

Follow your dreams.  Another person cannot make you happy, only you can.

 

Best of luck to you *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I agree with tobin! You must put yourself first.  Be strong.  You know what is right for you, and I truly believe that everything happens for the best.  You are the only one who knows what your gut is truly telling you.  Yes, it is a shame.  He is supposed to be your partner in this journey, and willing to work things out with you. And be honest, and consider your feelings.

I respect your resolve to do what makes you happy.  Someone much wiser than me said that one of her greatest lessons in life was to be “willing to leave something good for something *better*”.

Also, I really don’t understand why your families had a misunderstanding.  What were they so upset about? I think I am missing something here.

With that said, please forgive me if I am mis-interpreting…but REALLY? Seriously, who gives a F*ck what his family thinks. This is what really gets me worked up about the situation.  Is that why you want to get married?  So his parents can look your parents in the eye?  Do you really think his parents were “forced” to come? Or that your Boyfriend or Best Friend “forced” them to come? They are adults. They made their own decision.  That is how I see it.  Did they really come to someone’s home and be downright rude to the hostess and her family?!?!?! I am completely shocked. That is innapropriate.

You are all adults.  And your Boyfriend or Best Friend is an adult too.  I wonder why he discussed engagement with his family and then decided against it.  I would be genuinely curious as to why he would do that. And if he couldn’t be open and honest about it…well, you wouldn’t to marry him in that case anyway. But I really hope that I mis-read your post, initially it sounded to me like the main reason you gave your Boyfriend or Best Friend for wanting to be engaged, was to prove something to his family. I hope you have a better reason to marry him than that.  But if you don’t, I would not fault you at all for leaving. 

Good luck and tons of ((((HUGS))))

Post # 5
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Whoa, I just saw your post a few weeks ago…this family situation is more complex than I thought 🙁

Post # 6
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have to be honest, between this post and your previous post, it sounds like this relationship is VERY unhealthy. If I”m reading it right, it seems like he is letting his parents dictate your relationship. If he doesn’t stand up to them and put your relationship first, you will have a very long and difficult road ahead. Your families don’t need to be best friends but they should be able to be civil to one another. More importantly, your SO should WANT to meet your mother, regardless of how his family feels. I’m also confused because in your last post it seemed like you two had broken up. Are you guys together or still apart?

Post # 7
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I’m pretty confused why they wouldn’t meet your eye. Do they not like you? Had they met you before? Was it nervousness on their part?

 

I think you and the bf should have a talk about what’s going on and where you’re going. Openness is definitely key.

Post # 9
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Oh god.  I’m going to be ‘tough love’ here and say if he can’t talk to you about what he *says he wants to work through*, you have a serious problem.  There’s a big difference between saying “I love you so much” and actually acting like it.

Of course you should reconsider the relationship.  Take some time to yourself and get centered.  Get on with your life.  If he decides to be a grown-up and show up for you, great! If not, you’ve lost nothing.

Post # 12
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@eliza86:

The importance of things in my life until now were, Him, Job, (so that I could afford the living expenses) Graduate School, and then Me.

Oh sweetie, you’ve got some backwards priorities.  Other than children, you should always be your top priority.  And graduate school should be in the “me” category, since you’re doing that to better yourself, yes?

Frankly, he should be the last thing on the list of things you gave.  No one is in charge of your happiness except you, and people will only treat you how you allow them to. Never forget that.

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