(Closed) so confused about my MOH

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t understand, what’s the problem? Are you upset she’s not excited? Becasue this happens to pretty much every second bride I meet. Someone isn’t as excited for us as we thought they’d be. So it’s normal, but I don’t really know why you haven’t heard from her- if you want to hear from her- call her up!

Maybe she feels awkward about you asking her, and she’s scared to talk to you… Just call and talk it out.

Post # 5
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand what you’re feeling. I think if I were you, I’d just have a casual conversation with her about it just to make sure you’re on the same page. Nothing accusatory, obviously, just a friendly check-in, especially since you’re feeling that you may have pressured her a bit. 

I know no one gets as excited about our weddings as we do, but I think usually the Maid/Matron of Honor is super psyched to be asked, because it tells her how much she means to you. 

Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@cherylea1: If her first response was that she’ll be unemployed, and her second response upon being asked if she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor is that she “thinks so” it doesn’t sound like she is 100% wanting to hold that title. Maybe she just needs some time to mull it over and for you to be clear with her of your expectations of her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe she felt put on the spot and is trying to find a way to work it out, or delicately tell you she rather not considering the other pressures of her life. I think you should give it a couple days and then talk with her. Apologize for putting her on the spot, share with her what you expect of her as a Maid/Matron of Honor (nothing different than before you asked her, etc.) and say you’re just checking in before going any further if she’s still interested. If she isn’t, no hard feelings, just let you know. If she is, great! Just call and ask. Don’t text, don’t email, let her hear your voice. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmm… maybe she’s just stressed about the money thing. I mean, I know when I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor in the past I like to throw a nice bridal shower and plan a great bachelorette party… and those are things you can’t really do if money is tight (but you feel like you’re a bad Maid/Matron of Honor if you don’t do them!). 

It probably can’t hurt to check with her and just make sure she actually wants to do it, and give her the option to get out of it and tell her it won’t hurt your feelings. Especially if you have a sister that’s willing to do it happily…

Post # 8
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

maybe try reaching out about non wedding things. Ask her about her life, her kids, her problems her stresses. Yes, I know you’re excited… so am I but you muct realize your wedding isn’t a priotity in her life and maybe she feels like you aren’t paying attention to her?

I too have to consiously try to not bust out the wedding talk with my gf’s it may be important in my life (yours too) but our friends have to remain important to us… as individuals not just bridesmaids… if that makes any sense!

Post # 9
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel you, my MAN of honor is being totally emo. He responded with ” I guess I’ll say yes for now” um HELLoooo? It’s a big deal! :/ I guess you’re right, only exciting for us.

Post # 10
Member
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe she is embarassed at needing to accept financial help from you to be in your wedding.

Be the gracious one. Send he a card thanking her for agreeing to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Do some searching for dreses, arrange with the salon to have no prices visible and ask her to go shopping with you to pick out a dress.

 

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