(Closed) So Confused about my ring, it's eating me up inside…(Long)

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I also wasnt thrilled with my ring, but he was so proud of it that I’ve just accepted it. It helps when I see people with very strong marriages sporting a very modest ring. It makes me feel petty for having thoughts of keeping up with the jonses or what have you. Thats just my take on looking for perfection in a ring.

I also want to say though that I found that a little bit concerning that he threw it away and yelled at you? hmm. Well you know your relationship better than I would so..

Post # 4
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

Usually when I read a post like this, I would say to be honest and bring it up again.  BUT…the fact that he got so upset the first time, makes me a bit hesitant for you to bring it up again. 

If you really don’t like it, could you find a band that you love and wear it by itself, and wear your e-ring on your right hand? 

Post # 5
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2002

Oh, and no, you are not a bad person for wanting what you want. 

Post # 7
4714 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I wasnt thrilled with my first ring either but I did get used to it. Can you please post a pic so we can see it…I am not sure what a rub over ring looks like personally. It is a tough spot you are in girl 🙁

Post # 8
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would change the setting, but not the center stone. I’m sorry he chose something so different from what you wanted. I think its really hard to suggest that he should have gotten you something larger. Plus something larger would probably cost a lot more since diamonds increase exponentially with even slight increases in size.

Post # 9
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, there’s a big difference IMO in saying you want to change the setting vs ‘get a slightly bigger main diamond so it stands out”.  Asking for a bigger center diamond is a much touchier area than saying you want to keep the center diamond but just change the setting.  It’s an ego thing with most men.

I find it surprising that you showed him what you wanted and he got you something completely different.  Maybe he fell in love with the one he did and thought you would love it too? I also don’t like that he took the ring off your finger.

Could you just wear the ring on your other hand and get a blingy wedding band?

Post # 10
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can understand his reaction – a bit over the top but I can see his feelings behind it.  Rings aren’t cheap and I’m sure he spent a lot of time picking it out. I’d be worried to bring it up again if I were you based on his reaction however maybe you could mention it while in the jewelery store looking at bands, so he can’t flip out on you?  

I don’t think changing the setting up a bit to be a prong setting is a big deal.  You shouldn’t feel bad about changing that and he should want you to have somehting you love, too. I know my Fiance would. He wouldn’t even purchase my ring until I assured him about 10 million times that it was the one I wanted and loved!

Post # 11
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

First I’m concerned that he reacted that way wrh you.

Second, I think you’re asking for very minor changes.  

I would cautiously bring it up but also be firm as you don’t want to keep rehashing this Issue.

Post # 12
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@motionless:  It doesn’t seem to me that you’re looking for a bigger ring or that you are preoccupied with some perceived status issue, but rather you are upset by what you see as your fiancé’s disregard for something that mattered to you…ie, the ring style your heart wanted to represent your love for each other.  And now his reaction when you told him what was up made you feel even more unheard.

 It’s not even about the ring, it’s about him not listening to you or honoring what you say. Like the poster above I amconcerned about his over the top, aggressive reaction when you tried to be honest.  are there ore forces at work here?  I would try to have a calm, loving give and take conversation with him about how you are hurt because you don’t feel heard.  All the rings in the world won’t help if that communication is lacking in a marriage. Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 13
14445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Bring it up to him again.  If this is the man you plan on marrying, you should be be afraid to talk about anything with him.

Post # 14
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think when you do bring it up again you probably shouldn’t say anything about a slightly bigger main diamond so it stands out and so the ring keep it’s shape. To me, that has the potential to set things off again. I would really just stick to the setting if I were you. The main stone could look so different if you got a setting that showcased it the way you want. 

Post # 15
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@motionless:  Is it a bezel setting?  I’m a little confused.  I agree with the person that said to get a wedding band you like but I think you should just wear the wring after the wedding.

Post # 16
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@motionless:  I’m very sorry you’re feeling this way. I suspect that some of what you’re feeling is much more common than you think.  I’ve often wanted to do a poll on WB to ask how many bees ever had, or currently have, at least some level of regret about their e-rings, regardless of the reason.

Believe it or not, I actually HAVE an incredibly beautiful baguette setting, something I had always wanted for my e-ring. I even selected this very setting myself, when DH took me ring shopping to see exactly what kind of e-ring and wedding band and loose, center-stone diamond I wanted, and YET, what bothers me about my absolutely gorgeous, ridiculously expensive, platinum e-ring setting? The fact that my baguettes don’t sparkle as much as my Ring Bearer center stone and the seven Ring Bearer stones in my half-eternity wedding band. Not only does that bother me, but also I then feel horribly guilty that it bothers me, because I know exactly how much this setting cost, and how much my Darling Husband wanted me to be happy with my rings, and I realize that I chose it myself. I’m saying all of that, because, it’s possible that, even if you had the baguette setting you have been desiring, you may not think it sparkles as much as the one that you currently have. Can you post a pic of your current e-ring so that we can see it?

Like prior posters, I am concerned about the unusually violent reaction your Fiance had when you told him about being upset about your ring. That is troubling in any case, and especially so if this was the first time you raised this issue with him. After you experienced that type of reaction, I certainly can understand why you’re hesitating to raise the matter again now that you’re getting ready to decide upon a wedding band. Yet, I also understand your now not wanting him to invest in a wedding band that coordinates with an e-ring you don’t even like.

However, even if you decide not to raise the issue again with him at this time, perhaps you could select a wedding band that you think would go well with both your current ring and the style to which you hope to change your e-ring diamond one day in the future.

I wish you the best.

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