So confused about this guy!!

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
8994 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@ buzzingbeez14   “I learn that he talks to his friends about me, and I mean that has to mean something right?” — If you and him talk “pretty much all day” and then he talks to a friend who asks, “so what have you been up to today” what else is he going to say other than “oh, talking to buzzingbee mostly.” It means he is comfortable telling his friends what he’s been up to. If you read into it to see what you want to see rather than listen to what he’s telling you, you’re going to end up disappointed.

Post # 3
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

All it means is that he likes talking to you and may be attracted to you.  But attraction does not = I want to be in a relationship with you.  The assumption that just because someone consistently pays attention to you means they want a relationship with you is often wrong.  People string other people they are attracted to along for many reasons: ego boost, boredom, backburner while pursuing someone else, wanting some romance without the responsibility, the list goes on and on.  Believe his assertion that he does not want a relationship with you.  If he did, you would be moving towards a relationship. 

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@buzzingbeez14   

Post # 4
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee

There is no hidden meaning here. He told you he doesn’t want a relationship and you claim you “accepted that.”

So why are you refusing to take him at his word? Believe him-really. 

Post # 5
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

If you want a relationship then find someone that you can talk to all day *and* is looking for a committed relationship. Otherwise you’re just wasting your time. 

Post # 6
Member
620 posts
Busy bee

If i were you i wouldn’t be wasting anymore time bc it sounds like he doesn’t want a committed relationship anytime soon. It sounds like he just wants to keep you on the backburner.  

Post # 7
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee

People talk about the people they’re stringing along to their friends. 

Here’s the problem with pursuing people who tell you they’re not ready for a relationship. They told you that either because

1) they weren’t interested in you and were trying to let you down easy. It’s really hard to ever win someone like this over – it happens, but it’s rare, and you’re going to be on weaker footing. 

2) they were interested, but recognize that they’re in no mental state to be a good partner to anyone. You might think you can fix them. Or maybe that they will fix themselves. But in reality what you end up in is a relationship in which the only person doesn’t tend to your feeds, and you find yourself desperately aching for them to just get it together so they can give you the affection you crave and deserve. 

In both situations, you set yourself up for “just out of my reach” hell which only ends in heartbreak and misery. Jump ship while it’s still early. 

 

Post # 8
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Don’t read too much into it, you don’t want to set yourself up for heartbreak. In your shoes, for my own self-preservation I wouldn’t think twice about those signs until he straight up tells you he wants a relationship. His words have made it loud and clear; wait until his words and actions both align before getting your hopes up.

Post # 9
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh Jesus…. I have no idea what it is about women, (myself included a few years ago) that ALWAYS ignores the man point blank telling them they don’t want to have a relationship with them, that goes right in one ear and out the other. 

Bee, He is just not that into you. A guy that has ANY interest in having a relationship with you would never say the opposite. Would you show up to a job interview and tell the HR lady that you didn’t want that job right now but were looking to interview? NO!! 

A guy who is interested would not say ANYTHING that could ruin his chances to be with that woman. So if the guy is saying anything about how he doesn’t want a relationship right now, or is a “super busy guy, so you might not hear from him alot, or any other of those bullshit excuses, you WALK AWAY. period. 

Here is what the guy is thinking right now. Hmnn I told this girl I have zero interest in a relationship with her. She said ok, but is now still talking to me and hanging out. That must mean that she is ok with me not wanting anything serious and we are on the same page. He will now feel like he “warned” you, and he is thinking he now gets to enjoy a no strings attached good time with you. 

Honestly, its no wonder men think girls are crazy sometimes. They were crystal clear about what they wanted, we acted as if we accepted that arrangement, and then we always turn around week, months, years, later all upset that he isn’t committing. WHAT?!! 

This guy isn’t interested, never keep dating guys who say they aren’t interested in a relationship with you. YOu are only going to get hurt. Read the book he’s just not that into you. 

If I had learned this lesson earlier in my life OMG i would have saved myself so much heartbreak. WOW. 

Post # 10
Member
2852 posts
Sugar bee

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What she said.

Post # 11
Member
3822 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@ buzzingbeez14   yes, it means something….It means that you are friends!  

Dont overthink this.  He told you that he isn’t looking for a relationship.  That’s what he means.

Post # 12
Member
737 posts
Busy bee

Excatly what LadyJane said! He’s not into it. If he wanted a relationship with you, he would be for it. He has point blank told you he isn’t interested. If you’re sleeping with him then he’s getting everything he wants and you’re just going with it on hopes for something more. He’s not going to give you want you want! Stop! Move on!

You posted just a month ago that you have a child and are lonely and want to find a husband. So why would you waste your time and energy on someone who wants nothing to do with a realtionship? Open your eyes and take the advice of the bees on here.

Post # 13
Member
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I get it bee, I have been there…but you need to save yourself a lot of angst and cut ties with this guy before you get any more invested. You say you’ve accepted that he doesn’t want a relationship, but the fact that you’re even here posting about this, desperately looking for cues that maybe he actually does want one, proves you have not actually accepted it.

Idk what it is about these dudes who seem to enjoy being in a relationship with someone in everything but name. But these guys are a dime a dozen. It’s not worth your time to analyze this guy and his motives. Just take him at his word that he doesn’t want to be with you in any type of official capacity, and protect yourself by cutting ties.

Post # 14
Member
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

“I don’t want a girlfriend right now” means “I don’t want YOU to be my girlfriend”.

 

It does not mean, “Due to circumstances beyond my control, I cannot be in a relationship right now, but if I could be in one, it would be with you, and if you just wait patiently and properly impress me, when I am able to be in a relationship, you’ll be first in line.”

 

Can a casual fling turn into something more? Sure, it happens. I do not think you are in the headspace though for a casual fling though. You will make yourself crazy and you will scare him off. He could not have been more direct with you, and you’re still looking for a hidden meaning in his words and actions. This is not the guy for you.

Post # 15
Member
11369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
@ ladyjane123   

It’s a peculiar hearing disorder that afflicts women.  We are unable to hear “no” in the context of guys we want to be with.

Fortunately, many of us outgrow it.

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