- 4 years ago
Using a throwaway. I apologize if I sound crazy…I feel a little crazy right now (emotional). Please talk me down off the ledge if I am overreacting! That would actually be the best scenario in my mind right now…I hope that I am overreacting.
My SO and I have been together for about 7 months and have been in a long distance relationship for 6 of those. We have known each other for years and years and reconnected just before I moved away for work (temporarily). The distance has been difficult but despite that we have had what I thought was a really great relationship. I consider him my best friend and he has told me that I am his. We usually talk about everything and have discussed a long-term future together.
However, we have been having a lot of arguments and tension between us lately. I’ve had some things going on in my personal life and he’s in some difficult classes so I tried to chalk it all up to stress on both sides. However, I have just felt like something was off and every time I would press him about it he would get angry, my feelings would get hurt because I couldn’t understand why he was getting mad at me for wanting to communicate, and we would end up arguing again. I decided that I just need to cool it, stop pressuring him, and give our relationship time to get back on track. The last couple of days have been good. I’ve tried to keep conversation light and cheery and things were feeling better.
Then…tonight. He got extremely drunk and told me that he contacted his ex-girlfriend. THE ex…like the huge deal, important one. He told me that he needed “closure” with her…they have been broken up for at least 4 years. WHY does he need closure now?! Unfortunately since we’ve known each other for so long, I’ve heard pretty much ALL of the details of their relationship in the past. He would come to me with their problems which was a terrible idea in itself. Their relationship was absolutely ridiculous. It was toxic and volatile, and they were both wrong in many ways. When they started dating she was 15 and he was around 20. Her age had a TON to do with their immature problems, I’m sure. I mean, seriously…she was 15. Anyway they eventually broke up and she started dating someone else. And he tried to get her back. And he tried to get her back again. And she told him to back off because she was with someone else and he wrote her a love letter to try to get her back again. It didn’t work, he finally started dating other people.
Knowing all of this dramatic history is what upset me when he told me that he felt the need to contact her tonight. He told her that he wants to be friends with her and wants peace. THERE IS PEACE! THEY HAVEN’T SPOKEN IN ALMOST 2 YEARS? Why would he want to start something up NOW. Things have been SO tense with us and now I wonder if it’s because he was thinking about her. I mean…he told me that he contacted her though, so there’s that. But I’m 7000 miles away and all I’m thinking now is that she’s going to respond and they’re going to reconnect because maybe he’s STILL not over her. I read some of their messages way back when he was trying to get her back but she had a boyfriend, and she told him that she and her boyfriend were having problems (they’re still together now) and they both told each other that they’d never truly be over the other. She told him things like that and then apparently told her friend that he was being creepy or something and that got back to my SO and hurt him and that’s when he decided to leave her alone.
He kept telling me that it’s nothing, that she’s not going to reply anyway. But he sounded SO disappointed and discouraged by that thought. I just kept asking why did he NEED to do that?! Everything was fine. Sometimes things end badly between two people but they get over it and move the fuck on with their lives.
His reason for contacting her kept changing. He first said he needed closure, then he said he just wanted things to be peaceful between them, then he said he just didn’t want her to think he hated her, then he just wanted to see if she was ok because her grandma died last year…ugh. So many reasons.
One more thing to note, he is extremely close with her family, especially her mom. She works at his college and always does his financial aid for him and things like that, so he has gone over to their house a couple of times since we’ve dated (ex-girlfriend doesn’t live there anymore though). I don’t know if this is important, because I’ve never had an issue with that, the mom sounds like a really nice person. But I wonder if staying in close contact with her family is just keeping her on his mind.
I’m supposed to be moving home to him in 2 months. I’m leaving my job and moving. I am almost positive that he is not cheating on me, that nothing has happened, but I cannot be with someone who might be having feelings for someone else. I know before he started dating me he REALLY wanted to be in a relationship…he was tired of being alone. So now the thought has crossed my mind that he’s with me just because he knows she’s never going to take him back. I asked him if tonight if he would be with her if she would have him and he said no…but, of course he said no.
I feel like maybe I’m freaking out over nothing because he hasn’t cheated on me. But I have to KNOW if he is not over her before I move halfway across the fucking world to be with him. I am honestly so confused.
I know I sound so insecure, and it’s probably because I am in a way. He has seemed so distrustful of me lately when there was no reason to (signing into my facebook and email and making accusations) and it was really concerning me. Now things are starting to click together and I wonder if that was related to this.