- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Fiance and I are set to be married in July 6th of this year. We have been planning a 200 person wedding, costing us about 20k (gifted to us by his parents).
Well, we initially wanted to pay for our own wedding and do something very simple at a park or some of the cheaper venues around, with much less restrictions (my family is used to BBQing for tons of people…considering the food we are getting through our caterer is BBQ….)
FI’s parents shot down a lot of our ideas (parks, smaller venues, etc) and we are set with our current venue as a result. We’re both full time college students and are planning everything from 3 hours apart from eachother so the venue choice was done in haste because we didn’t have much time to choose.
FI’s family was too busy to be involved. However, now I keep noticing how important it is for FI’s dad to have as many people there as possible (it is a cultural thing to have large weddings). He seemes pretty disappointed to not have all those people there as he did with the previous two weddings of FI’s brothers.
So now I’m stuck with the guilt of not being able to accomodate all of FI’s dad guests, I hate that we took 20K for a wedding in the first place (which added up since the only venues they seemed to approve of required caterer and etc), when we were perfectly happy with a cheaper wedding!
I don’t mean to seem UNappreciative, I just hate taking this much money when we wanted something cheap in the first place. We could have accomdated a lot of people, it just wouldn’t have been as formal as this wedding we have been planning.
Like I said, we’re college students and it’s obvious to everyone elsethat FI’s family is paying for the whole thing and being a young bride (21, Fiance is 25), I just wanted to do something within my OWN means but FI’s famiy made me feel guilty about not taking the money to have a wedding that is presentable.
We have already paid of our venue and DJ and made deposits on the caterer and wedding trolley. The venue charges by guest count and whether or not the ceremony or reception is held there.
Now I am considering asking them if we can move our 200 person ceremony/reception down to a 50 person ceremony (a 200 person ceremony would be almost the same cost as the ceremony/reception option, but the 50 person ceremony is a 3k difference) and then having a large reception afterwards at a park with my family BBQing. We could ask the caterer if we could apply our deposit towards appetizers or something and we still have time to cancel the trolley. We could do this all for under 10K.
Then FI’s family could throw us a traditional reception for his culture where they can invite as many guests as they want. They did this a few years ago for FI’s brother as FI’s brother had his own wedding which he paid for, and this second reception, FI’s family paid for. They paid about 10k which equals our 20k.
I would feel as if Fi’s family can choose to have the second reception if they want, or they can be satisfied with inviting guests to our park reception. We knew from the beginning that part of this wedding at our current venuewas having a wedding that is presentable to their family and friends, so this is why we were also pressured out of a park wedding, but now I am really regretting it.
Not to mention, FI’s family bought a house (partly in FI’s name-I was unaware of this as I am in school) and said we could make the mortgage payments for it. I come from a life situation of working for everything I have and now all of this money and the house just makes me feel terrible! Plus, the house is next door to his parents and I wanted the freedom to choose where we live.. I told his parents it would be too costly to try and get out of it but they insisted it wouldn’t be.. considering I’m graduating and Fiance still has more time in school, I don’t think it’s fair that I’m pressured to take care of us financially?
What do you think? Am I making a bigger mess by trying to change things? I’m so unhappy about EVERYTHING and I only have 2.5 months to go.