(Closed) so disappointed :(

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

BEEN there. I was FOR SURE we were giong to get engaged on vacation too.  It didn’t end up happening. We had a great vacation but like you, there was that one day that we had a blow up over it amongst other things.  My Fiance kept telling me we’d be engaged by my bday in June (like you, money constraints is what was pushing it out that long). Like you, I foolishly told people who asked but all these dates came and went and STILL no proposal! I know how heartbroken you feel. I’ve been there. I knew he wanted to get married, we looked at wedding venues and made wedding plans.  He was just dragging his feet with buying the ring. I told him I would take a ring pop as long as we could make it official!  Finally, I straight up told him he needed to figure it out or be gone because even though I love him to death, I was tired of feeling strung along.  He finally proposed.

I don’t really know what advice to give other than I’ve been there and I know how hurtful it feels.  Have you tried talking with him? My Fiance just made stuff up and told me what I wanted to hear but your Boyfriend or Best Friend may tell you the real reasons he didn’t propose.  Did he say for certain you would not be engaged by the end of the year now? Can you guys have a calm discussion about a new timeline? My heart goes out to you. I hope things work out.

Post # 4
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I’m so sorry you’re disappointed.  I had a good friend who went through that awhile back.  She said what really helped her was that she knew he wanted to marry her and loved him with all her heart.  She also understood that he couldn’t financially afford it.  When he could, he proposed later when he was financially stable on a weekend get-away.  So while it later than she wanted she was THRILLED when he finally proposed.  Just know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.  Keep positive and I’m certain you’ll be more than excited when he does propose.  Your SO just wants to make sure that you start your marriage on a solid financial foundation.  Luckily he knows where he wants to go and I’m sure he’ll be saving like crazy to make it happen for you sooner than you think! 

I’m actually where you were a month ago.  We’re going on vacation in November, and just about everyone is expecting us to get engaged.  I’m trying to not get my hopes up just to avoid the disappointment.  I can see how easy it is to get wrapped up in the excitement. 

Post # 5
Member
46 posts
Newbee

If he knew he could no longer propose this year, why didn’t he tell me that earlier?

Yes! Exactly?! Why don’t they c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e???!

Was he just trying to avoid a fight, or could he really be that dense?!

My guy is always like “It’s not always an either/or, yknow?” And I hang my head and am like, “You’re right. It’s not. I’m sorry.” But gah! If he would just treat me like a concerned party, instead of an accessory to his big proposal, I wouldn’t ever have to figure out if the problem is either/or, A, B, C, etc!!! And of course, I could just ask, but he keeps saying not to do that, b/c it punts ‘the right time’ down the field. (He always wants to do it when we’re on an upswing and all that.) I get that and love that romanticism about him but there’s got to be a compromise!

Thus, the solution to avoiding all this bickering and anxiety between us WaitingBees and our SO’s are in their hands – but the answer is NOT proposing – it’s communicating! Sigh.

Ok, I hijacked your vent. Sorry. Back on topic.

When y’all get back into discussing the topic, (hopefully in a less emotional, tense way), express to him that you’re supporting his right to do things how he wants/needs to but that you expect that he support your right to need to know what’s going on in your own life – that the best way to keep calm about the proposal (and everything in marriage) is an open channel of information b/c it’s pushing you to point of feeling like you won’t be excited when he pops the q, but relieved – and if he loves you, that’s probably not what he wants to do you.

HTH!

Post # 6
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry for the disappointment. I was in the same situation but he did end up proposing On the vacation. He almost didn’t because he knew I had a feeling he would and wanted it to be a surprise. He kept telling me he wasnt ready etc to throw me off. It sounds like he’s serious about you and maybe needs time to sort things out. Perhaps he also wants it to be more of a surprise? 

Post # 7
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is your anniversary coming up? I had something a little similar happen when I was so sure my hunny was going to propose for Valentine’s day as he’d been talking about it for months, had asked my ring size etc etc.  I didn’t mention it at all though because i knew it had to be in his own time.  A few months later for our anniversary, it finally happened.  

When it does for you, never fear you won’t have enough excitement. Once that sparkly ring is on your finger, you’ll be glowing brighter than the moon.

 

Post # 8
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

I just wanted to send you big hugs. What a letdown! Maybe after you guys fought he was just saying that he wouldn’t be ready after hurt and anger and didn’t mean it in the spur of the moment. I would definately have a discussion with him about what he means by not being financially ready and when his timeline is. Ask him what he needs to do to get his ducks in order. Let him know in a calm way that you were just really hurt and disappointed that this happened because you are ready to spend your life with him and he told by end of the year originally.

I haven’t been in this situation myself but I can imagine how that would really be dissapointing since I’ve been waiting too. I hope you can have a heart to heart with him and get more info on

Why the change of plans and heart

Post # 9
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I know how you feel, my SO and I went to Mexico in August and everyone kept saying before we went that he was going to propose, he didnt.  At the end of Sept he took me to London for our anniversary, it didnt happen then either. We are going to Dublin for New Year but I’m not holding my breath, he has told me it will deffinately be next year but wont tell me when. I guess as long as its coming next year I can live with that lol .

Post # 10
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ugh.. If I had a dollar every time that happened, I could honestly retire.

The vacation plans, the anticipation, the pre-vacation manicures… I felt the SAME way.  Let me just tell you that the excitement DOESN’T go away!  You will be so thrilled and it is SOOOOO worth the wait.  I know it’s mentally exhausting now, but hang in there.

Just to give you an idea, I was totally expecting my proposal (I accidentally found out) and I’m still giddy when I think about it.  

Don’t worry, November will be here before you know it!!!  

Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds like you’re more focused on getting engaged than being in a marriage.

Why would you avoid your Boyfriend or Best Friend now?  You’re upset he didn’t communicate with you, but now YOU are not communicating with HIM.  It seems pretty immature, IMO.  If you cannot have an open, honest conversation about getting married, then you’re not ready to get engaged and be married.

Post # 12
Member
377 posts
Helper bee

From the signs you described I would have been with you 100% thinking he would propose so I can totally understand why you feel so let down. If it were me this is what I would probably do…

1) call my best friend over to vent about him and the holiday while i sob into my massive tub of full fat extra calorie ice cream

 

2) feeling very bitter I’d remember the holiday and post-plan for him when he should have proposed (well that was the perfect moment when we were here, but then if he did it when we were there I really would have been suprised…)

 

3) Start planning how I can get him to think a proposal is financially possible and also get HIM to “surprise me” with another mini break…. of which 99.9% of my ideas would be plain stupid.

 

4) start being super loving and chilled out about weddings so he thinks I’m over it (I’m not) and therefore put stage 3 into action!

 

5) Get distracted by something else for a while (new tv show, clothes, housey things, puppies etc).

 

6) Go back to waiting.

 

DISCLAIMER!: This is just what I would actually do, not what I necessarily think is healthy or wise for myself or anyone else to do. Wink

 

 

Sending big hugs to you anyway xxx

 

 

Post # 13
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That happened to me once with Fiance, and when he said he wasn’t ready, it broke my heart and ruined a night of our mini vacay. The next day, I apologized for making a big deal of it and said “I’m mad at myself for losing control of my emotions and bawling, but I’m also mad as hell at you for stringing me along. It is cruel. I love you and things are good for me now, but I am going to leave when I need the security of a husband more than I want to be ‘some girl you used to date’ Because, if we break up over this shit, that’s what I would be.”

Then, I dropped it and started treating him like a boyfriend instead of the manI was going to spend my life with. He didn’t like it and proposed a couple weeks later.

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